Go Back   Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums - Alcohol and Drug Addiction Help/Support > Family & Friends > Family & Friends of Alcoholics/Addicts

Family & Friends of Alcoholics/Addicts A place for families and friends of alcoholics/addicts to seek help/support.

Post New Thread  Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-06-2008, 12:56 PM   #1
clean42day
Moderator
 
clean42day's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Lancaster CA
Posts: 4,773
Enabling and sabataging the addict/alcoholic

At the request of the family I recently did an intervention on a 49 year old woman who still lives with her mother and father who are in thier 70's. She has a 25 year old daughter who happens to be my roomate and is a product of J's 25 year old Meth addiction. The intervention was done on the behalf of J's 13 year old daughter who is next in line for the destructive family dysfunction. Her mother started leaving her 13 y.o. daughter at the drug houses while she went missing in action for days at a time.

I say family dysfunction/disease - because any person who works in the rehabilitation field of chemical dependency knows that when an addict is active in a family system for 25 years......the family becomes just as sick as the addict and they follow the addict down the path of self-destructive denial (without drugs).

What ends up happening is the addict is addicted to their drugs and the family becomes addicted to saving and enabling the addict. The drama and stress the addict behavior puts on the family - causes the family to have a high tolerance for innopropriate behavior and the family can become addicted to the stress chemicals that are released in the body on a daily basis - through worry, emotional turmoil, mental and psychological abuse, and financial stress.

in simple terms the addict needs thier drug
and the family becomes dependent on stress too.
They don't feel alive and needed without it. peace and calm is interpreted as boredom, apathy, and insecurity.

This family's intervention lasted all of 1 week - because the Grandmother could not live without her drug - and her drug is enabling her daughter and all the high drama that goes with it. She sabataged the whole intervention process by not FOLLOWING THROUGH with healthy boundaries and sticking to the "plan" to get her daughter into rehab. Her daughter is back home now putting the family at risk, right where grandma feels most comfortable trying to control her addiction.

sooooooo very sad that the disease of addiction can touch all aspects of a family's life and a 13 year old who doesn't have a choice. (she thinks this is "normal").



Sometimes family's "love" the addict to "death"
__________________
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, we can all start from today and make a brand new ending.
~Carl Bard~


"Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are right now, and all you are becoming." Melodie Beattie


clean42day is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2008, 03:09 PM   #2
unabashedly
Newcomer
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2
well said. We mothers have huge influence on our children, young and old.

Having said that, the 49 YO daughter may bottom out even with this kind of enabling. Or the 13 YO may turn out just fine. Like the moderator at the Brighton Rehab family meeting said, kids from "normal" homes find their way into addiction, and kids from horribly dysfunctional homes avoid addiction altogether and turn out okay. There's just no rhyme or reason this side of heaven...

Cheer up - your attempt at this intervention will have positive consequences that you may never know about.....
unabashedly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2008, 03:45 PM   #3
clean42day
Moderator
 
clean42day's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Lancaster CA
Posts: 4,773
Yes thank you - I must keep the faith!

As they say - I am only responsible for the effort and
God is responsible for the outcome.

I have done my part.

light and love

Gail
__________________
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, we can all start from today and make a brand new ending.
~Carl Bard~


"Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are right now, and all you are becoming." Melodie Beattie


clean42day is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2008, 10:42 AM   #4
seek
Newcomer
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 7
i disagree that codependents become addicted to stress and prefer it to peace. i think that is just false. there may be other reasons why they enable, but i don't think being addicted to stress is one of them.
seek is offline   Reply With Quote
Post New Thread  Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:37 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.