E.S.H.

[Wuzzadrunk]

My name is Arnett Im a alcoholic and drug addict. Im sober and some what sane today only by gods grace and the people in the rooms of alcoholics anonymous who show me a better way to live on a daily basis. I am the oldest of 3 boys.Growing up in a single parent home I was a shy and introverted person.Sometime around 1976 I got drunk and high for the first time.After getting sick and puking all over the back seat of my grandfathers brand new car I remembering thinking how good it was and couldnt wait to do it again.And since there was a few alcoholics in my family i didnt have to wait long to get drunk again.For a very short while drinking did for me what i could not do for myself.It realeased me from the fear that i was not good enough.I was able to talk to the girls etc.Meanwhile i started hanging out with people who where just like me drinking...druggeing getting introuble with the police.I remember coming home one night drunker than a skunk and my mother asking me if i was drinking I remember telling her that I had 1 beer and that was it. she gave me this look like why are you holding up the walls??? and she then told me your just like your father not only do you have his first and last name your a drunk just like him.This type of stuff kept on all through my 20s..moving from one house to another back and forth A dwi arrest etc.Towards the end of my drinking i was hearing voices when no one was around..cheap vodka and wine do that to you...I had no freinds no one wanted to be around me. I remember waking up in a recycling dumpster one day behind a firehouse with a fireman telling me that there is a place for people like me at the church across the street. I was like ya so what..Leave me alone im not bothering no one. About a month after this inceident i decide to check myself into a physc ward when i got in there i knew i dint belong there I stayed there for 3 days and i had to talk to a psyciatrist before i could go home. The first thing this man asked me was how much i drank.I told him that i rarely drank. he said ok and let me go home.the first thing i remember doing is going straight to a bar and telling people that i just got out of the nut house..people where buying me drinks and feeling sorry for me.fast foward a couple of monthes later to nov 21rst 1993 i had just came home from a weekend binge. It was my sister inlaws 21rst birthday and i told her id take her out for her first legal drink as we sat there i noticed that she had 2 drinks to about my 20...she got up and left and i remember saying to someone in the bar that i think i need to stop drinking...he said go to A.A. Iwas like nah the bums go there..anyways i went home and the people next door where having a party i was already drunk and sick I was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a can of beer when i had that moment of clarity that people in the rooms talk about I heard my grandma who died in 1975 telling me that if i dont stop doing what i was doing i was gonna die. thank god there was someone there who was sober and he drove me to the hospital...they told me that they didnt have a bed for me in the detox but to come back in the morning..at the time i was working with my little brother and he had told the boss that i was going into a detox and wouldnt be at work for a few days so when i came into work the next day he came up to me and said whats the matter??? and i told him that i was an alcoholic and i cant stop drinking i dont want to drink anymore i dont want to die...he got up and said ill be right back go get yourself a cup of coffe..he came back a few minutes later and handed me a piece of paper and asked if i knew where this church was??? I said no but my step father probably does...he said to me go to this meeting it was a mens step meeting...and call me after the meeting and tell me if you liked it.I went to that mens meeting and knew right way that thats were i belonged they went back to step one for me..allthough at the time i did not understand why everyone wanted to talk to someone like me...they gave me phone numbers etc. By gods grace i have not taken a drink or a drug since that day..My second meeting i went to was at that church the fireman told me to go to..When i walked in that fireman was sitting there and said to me weve had this chair for you for awhile. and i saw people that i knew and had wondered where they went.I went to a meeting sometimes two everyday for the first 5 years of my recovery and i still go to 4 or 5 meetimgs a week.The program has taught me how to live a life i thought was impossible to live. among the greatest blessings i have recieved in sobriety was that my grandpa cheech was able to see me sober for the last 13years of his life and in 2002 i moved into his house to help my aunt take care of him when he was diagnosed with alzhiemers and i am very grateful that i was able to spend the last 5 years of his life with him and was right by his bedside ..and sober...when he passed away.Today i am among the living..just one of gods kids.I read something the other day by father Booth who said That the alcoholics disease is not in the bottle of alcohol..the addicts disease is not in the stringe..the disease of compulsion lives on in fear loneliness anger hatred denial guilt and self pity..If we are unable to see any positive features in our lives then it is not surprising that we are destroying ourselves The pain and chaos in our lives are shouts for help...a silent shout...a hidden shout. that was me not so long ago thank you for leeting me share

[Wuzzadrunk]

There came the day when i realised that i couldnt keep dragging myself off to work in the morning and spending half the energy of every day concealing the fact that i was a barely functioning drunk.I would go home to drink until i passed out come to in the middle of the night terrified, listen to the radio,and get world wide telephonitis finally dozing off at dawn just in time to be awakened by the alarm and start the process all over again.

[Nodak]

Telephonitis; is that where one gets really lit up and calls everbody who comes to mind and then the next day you regret it to the maxx!!!! ???

Welcome Arnett!!

Rod

[Wuzzadrunk]

Now people call me and ask why I dont call them !!!!