The topic for the week of 5/13-5/19, Forgiveness.

[Bronx850]

The topic for the week of 13th-19th, Forgiveness.

Our Lady of Fatima - May 13,1917

Hi, my name is Ed, I am an alcoholic, by the grace of God, I been sober since 01/13/07.

On May 5th 2008, 11: 00 PM, after 8hrs of working, I was looking forward to going home and relaxing. I was traveling eastbound on 13th St. and I notice this red pick-up traveling westbound on 13th St. we were about 10 ft from the intersection of 13th St. and Santa Fe, the red pick-up attempted to turn southbound onto Santa Fe failing to yield right of way, as it turn in front of me I collided and struck the vehicle in front of me.

Recovering from the impact, daze, stumbling toward the red pickup, the smell of alcohol engulf the air around me, it hit me that I just got hit by a drunk driver, he was past out in the front seat of the vehicle.

All I could think of was forgiving him, for he doesn’t understand the blindness of his alcoholism. For today I saw myself as I truly am, for the accident unfolded my past and give me a better understanding of my own serenity and recovery.

For the first time, I saw me in him, or him in me, and prayed and I forgave him.

By the grace of GOD we both came out of it with minor burses.

Forgiveness

Through the vital fifth Step, we began to get the feeling that we could be forgiven, no matter what we had thought or done. Often it was while working on this step with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt they had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuaded us that all-round forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we tackled Step Five that we inwardly knew we’d be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too. Twelve and Twelve, pp. 57-58.

Ed: Just Keep it Simple / 24/7, One Day at a Time!!!

[James55]

It has been my experience so far that forgiveness works both ways in being forgiven and forgivness of others. With all that being important we also have to practice forgiveness for ourselves before we can truly move on in our recovery. I think the last one was the hardest one for me.

[mellotripp]

I honestly believe that the ultimate goal of steps 8 and 9, is that we practice forgiveness from others so that we may better forgive ourselves, which is the hardest to do. The program tells us that we should be hard on ourselves and lenient with others, but in this case, we must realize that it was not we ourselves that committed such atrocious behavior in our using and abusing, but the actual drugs and alcohol. In recovery we learn that we are not guilty of what we are but we are responsible.

[thereishope]

Hello ed,
I really like what you said here about seeing ourselvs in others or others in ourselvs. your experience was beautifull stated. I had more issues with forgiving myself than i did with others, in my prosses God helped me work that part out, it wasn't easy but it had to be done to even go any further in my recovery prosses. I explained more about it in the weekly meeting i did on 3-14/3-20. You can read it there if you would like and i explained it in more detail. I thankyou for your share.

[barbie25]

Ed thank you. I am glad you and the driver are ok. For me, like everyone else, it was not until I forgave myself and asked Gods forgivness that I could truly forgive others. After I did that it went smoother not always easier asking forgiveness of others just smoother because i went to them with peace and serenity in me. Not anger and frustration. Thanks for the topic.

[clean42day]

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.—Unknown

In my experience, I think I had forgiveness confused with still being accountable and reponsible. It wasn't easy but I learned that forgiveness is also the key to humility. I think it was easier to forgive myself in one big fell swoop in my
5th step because I was soooo willing and ready to change and to leave the past behind me where it belonged.

What I still struggle with today is forgiving myself in the "present" when my character defects pop up and cause me and others all kinds of grief. I still tend to hang on to the "I should know better by now" syndrome.

I can easily jump to forgiveness and forget that I am still accountable and responsible to "change".

The longer I stay clean and sober - the more I see my own behavior in others and almost feel it is a kind a karmic justice - that I find myself on the other end of me and my own character defects. it is a process of mirroring that keeps me humble and willing to grow.

Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.
~Sidney and Suzanne Simon~

[sioux]

Hard one for me.

I have had to forgive to survive another day.

I have had to forgive for someone else to survive another day.

I find forgiveness to be a process, much like the steps. I look for my Creator's grace in these situations as a mere human, I am not so good at these things.

I also ask my Creator directly for forgiveness and believe that it is possible I may be forgiven, but under no circumstances am I assuming this is automatically true. What does it say...in the 12 x 12...our Creator may surely forgive our derlictions, but in no way does it render me white as snow or keep me that way without my participation. There are many things I have to work for myself. I take that to mean that if I want to "go and sin no more" something in me has got to definately change, and that I may have been restored some power in my life to do just that.

One day at a time of course.

I have to be truthful; I don't hang on to not forgiving because I like the power or control that we once enjoyed in these instances. When I have a time forgiving something or someone it is really now because I had been deeply hurt. It's a rememberance that I call a restored instinct...I don't want to go down those roads where the sidewalk caves in on me again.

[CD BUCKBERRY]

There is a lot of things to ask for forgivness for in recovery.We have to ask for forgivness from the higher power to save us from the harm we have inflicted on our selves.We have to ask for amends and forgiveness from everone we either used or abused,Every morning we have to ask for forgivness when we get on our knees and pray.I needed a lot of forgivness for all the damage I did to friends and family.

[donnas50]

I appreciate this story Ed. Thanks for sharing. Being on step 4 myself and only approaching a year of sobriety, your story truly inspired me!

God Bless,
Donna