How do you keep your serenity?

[janbear]

How do you keep your serenity in the face of calamity? Or are you able to? If not, how do you get it back?

[admin]

I have to make sure I take some downtime alone with just God and me. I usually do this by going to my bedroom and laying on my back on my bed. I close my eyes and stretch out my hands. I pray, talk to God and just clear my mind and open myself to Him. I feel His love, peace and comfort embrace me again. Now if I am not able to go to my bedroom to do this, I will go to the nearest bathroom and take some time out with God. Staying connected with God helps me to maintain my serenity. Also talking with another trusted Christian sister and/or brother helps me. Another thing that helps me is to get out of myself by being of service to God and helping others. Reading the Bible, reading inspirational literature, listening to music helps also. Taking a walk and talking with God as I do helps. Most importantly is taking that alone time with God. He is our shelter in the storm, our strength, our comfort, our peace, our joy.

[treetop]

I understand what you are saying however, when you create the support group it is your creation and it does not have to model anything else out there. Any thoughts on a starting a forum in the creative process?

[snugsnug]

pray about it, call your sponsor. they say if it is practical it is spiritual and vise versa. i recently started two new meetings, and as of today there are usually about twenty folks in recovery at each meeting. if God wants it to happen, it will.

[Booky]

Originally Posted by treetop

I understand what you are saying however, when you create the support group it is your creation and it does not have to model anything else out there. Any thoughts on a starting a forum in the creative process?

I do believe I see what you mean.

That if I start up a group then I could make it any way that I want.

Of course I would not want it to be "dysfunctional" and I would not want a later member to change the group into a CoDA type group.

So if I do not have pre-set ground rules then others will quickly guide to the old standard like AA / CoDA and I want to prevent that from happening.

Therefore, if I understand the idea correctly, and I like this idea, is that I must create the ground rules before starting the codependency group.

And of course make so the rules can be changed and improved by the group.

I like this idea and I will start working on it and I would appreciate any assistance from anyone.

My foremost point is that every member needs to be free and invited to share their own feelings about everything and anything.

So if one person speaks up then everyone gets invited to comment on how they feel regarding what was just said.

And anyone must have the option to decline or refuse to comment or participate if they so choose.

The present AA / CoDA rules that do not allow the other members to express their feelings is not productive for the treatment and recovery of codependency.

[Booky]

I do still like the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions and I even Like CoDA,

but I am only suggesting a better way of doing the group inter-activities.

There could be other improvements too.

[Booky]

Originally Posted by treetop

I enjoyed your web site. The information is great and also suitable for people who do not like the twelve step model. You could start a Codependency support group in your area based on the information that you have. You might want to consider a copyright on it before you just throw it all out there.

I have now been considering that maybe I need to put a link directly to the book text instead of to the main website, like this.

The other way (here) makes so people must click a second link to get to the book and it might turn some people off.

Any other ideas would be welcome by me.

[clean42day]

How do you keep your serenity in the face of calamity? Or are you able to? If not, how do you get it back?

detachment is the first thing that comes to mind. I see kaos, calamity, and drama as an energy system - and I can seperate myself from it - by not giving "it" = (people, places, and things) permission and power to steal my serenity.

If I loose it - it is because I have "given" it away.

so instead of feeling like a victim of circumstances = I take the approach of responsibilty and say to myself - somehow, somewhere I have chosen to have this exact experience pop up in my life - so I get to choose a constructive response - instead of react to every wind. Maybe my lesson is to have more patience, maybe I could apply compassion, maybe I am suppose to detach...ect
I look for the lesson the calamity is trying to teach me.

Step 8 for me is a "living step" that I am constantly aware of in the back of my mind......if I cannot take the next right action and contribute something to "calm" to the situation - I at least don't have to cause more damage that I will have to make amends for later....including amends to myself. and when I allow others to steal my serenity - I owe myself an amends.

If not, how do you get it back?

Pray -- do a mini 4th on it - forgive myself - and let God and let go....and don't loose the lesson = I journal, talk to a trusted friend....and process through it all.
But what usually determines the outcome is my own "self talk". I try to avoid arguments in my head that place judgements on things - cause that only spins me in more circles into a rubber converstaiton with myself that goes nowhere.

The best way to take "power" out of any situation is to say in my head - "I bless you and accept you just the way you are"......and that includes circumstances and situations, as well as, people.

The good news is - when I do "give" my serenity away - the amount of time it takes to get it back is much shorter. What use to take me days to process through - now takes hours and sometimes even minutes.

Do I do it all with "grace"? Hell NO! I struggle with acting as if - just like everyone else - but with practice I am getting better at holding my sails steady in the middle of the storm.

light and love

Gail

[nafti]

Thank you everyone! I am currently living in A city in the far eastern part of Europe. There are no recovery groups here of any kind, and sometimes the isolation is overwhelming. I have had to work my program on my own here, as I have no sponsor. I will be here at least till June of next year. I would be open to any suggestions regarding working the program alone, and would like to establish on line fellowship. Thank you all, and God bless!!

[BIG AL]

my sponsor told me a story of a man who found big book and never went to a meeting and followed instructions from the book and managed to stay soner for 22 yrs before he found a group.not that i would suggest that.but with god all things are possible.the best way i fin serenity is workin with others becouse lets me know were i can be if i take a drink.things can always be worse.but for the grace of god there go i