seeking emotional stability

[clean42day]

Even though this is an AA daily reflection - I think it has valid codependent points
in the shortest description possible - codependents are "people addicts" = becasue we are constantly trying to play god in peoples lives.

*~*~*~*~*^Daily Reflections^*~*~*~*~*
SEEKING EMOTIONAL STABILITY

When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source
of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence
upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that
it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon
God, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel
the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116

All my life I depended on people for my emotional needs and security,
but today I cannot live that way anymore. By the grace of God, I
have admitted my powerlessness over people, places and things. I had
been a real "people addict"; wherever I went there had to be someone
who would pay some kind of attention to me. It was the kind of
attitude that could only get worse, because the more I depended on
others and demanded attention, the less I received.
I have given up believing that any human power can relieve me of
that empty feeling. Although I remain a fragile human being who
needs to work A. A. Steps to keep this particular principle before
my personality, it is only a loving God who can give me inner peace
and emotional stability.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++++++++

and here in the simple language of AA it tells me the solution to my dilemma - stop trying to use people to fill that empty hole to make myself feel complete and allow God's love to fill me up and be "enough" and on the other hand - stop tyring to create learned helplessness in others so they will be dependent on me - so I can feel "important and needed" and instead; give them also to God and let go of the percieved sick "need" to fix other people's problems.

When I started placing God FIRST in my life - many of my "people" problems started to take care of themselves.

light and love

Gail

[Booky]

If not to be addicted to people then we surely do need people in our lives.

Is not it part of being human (and being Christian) to help others in their need?

We can put away our addiction to drugs or alcohol and we can put away any abuser(s) but then our human need for other people remains.

I get terribly lonely.

I have my own religion and I feel like God is close to me and I have my inner peace often, but I have another need for other people.

Where do we draw the line?

[clean42day]

I guess what made the difference for me was - do I want healthy relationships with other people? or do I want unhealthy ones.

that is the difference - I had to admit - that as much as I wanted to place blame on others and say - you are sick or unhealthy and inappropriatley dependent and cant be trusted....I had to finally admit that "I WAS" the other half of any unhealthy relationship I had ever been in. It was me who didn't know the difference between autonomy and healthy interdependence. It was me who "needed" other people so much that I lost myself in the unhealthy enmeshment of thier lives. It was me who didn't have clear ego boundaries. It was me who lived as either the victim or perpetrator of codependency.

I too switched lanes from extreme co-dependence to contra-dependence saying I didn't need anyone. Neither extreme is healthy. I also became very lonely - until I started to get "healthier" myself and began to trust myself enough to take responsiblity for my half of the relationship behaviors.

I have since found some balance in the middle between being vulnerable enough to be dependent in some respects and independent in others.

Yes - I can help people today - I can interact with them in healthy ways....But I don't loose myself and my own autonomy in "their problems" anymore.

I know where I end and where they begin and the rest is God's job.

light and love

Gail