just loosing it these days....

[jfo7]

I strongly believe in setting personal boundaries and taking responsibility for my own actions and choices.
I also struggle with the line between chosing to fullfill family and friendship "obligations" vs completely issolating and alienating myself.

I've had a very difficult year - begining with my father's new crack addiction that was a serious challenge in a smallish city. Then my dog died. Then I broke up with my commonlaw partner of 3 years, who turned around and sued me. Then I made a disasterous decision and agreed to share a house with my mother, who just developed serious mobility problems, and her 15 year old son (my brother). This is not a healthy situation and I cannot continue due to her blatent disregard for my repeted boundry setting.

The friends I would typically turn to are not available at this time (weddings and travel) My sister & family are upset that I would leave mom on her own. This is not even considering that Mom now owes me about $4000 for bills and growing! She is on a very limited income - but I am also struggling financially. I have found a great little 2 bedroom appartment for my daughter and I. I know I cannot stay, everyday is taking its toll on my mental health - but something inside me feels like I am abandoning my responsibilities and being unfair to mom.

All this while I am trying to raise my own daughter, who is in her last year of highschool. Also I work at a very stressful and understaffed job. I'm pretty much loosing it and feel I don't have any support system to speak of. I am supprised to find myself in such a compromised position. Any words of wisdom, understanding or support?

[Booky]

Originally Posted by jfo7

I strongly believe in setting personal boundaries and taking responsibility for my own actions and choices.
I also struggle with the line between chosing to fullfill family and friendship "obligations" vs completely issolating and alienating myself.

I've had a very difficult year - begining with my father's new crack addiction that was a serious challenge in a smallish city. Then my dog died. Then I broke up with my commonlaw partner of 3 years, who turned around and sued me. Then I made a disasterous decision and agreed to share a house with my mother, who just developed serious mobility problems, and her 15 year old son (my brother). This is not a healthy situation and I cannot continue due to her blatent disregard for my repeted boundry setting.

The friends I would typically turn to are not available at this time (weddings and travel) My sister & family are upset that I would leave mom on her own. This is not even considering that Mom now owes me about $4000 for bills and growing! She is on a very limited income - but I am also struggling financially. I have found a great little 2 bedroom appartment for my daughter and I. I know I cannot stay, everyday is taking its toll on my mental health - but something inside me feels like I am abandoning my responsibilities and being unfair to mom.

All this while I am trying to raise my own daughter, who is in her last year of highschool. Also I work at a very stressful and understaffed job. I'm pretty much loosing it and feel I don't have any support system to speak of. I am supprised to find myself in such a compromised position. Any words of wisdom, understanding or support?

I have to say your circumstance is way to big for me.

And your first two sentences touched my soul.

You might try to take on one problem at a time but even that seems imposible since everything is inter-connected to each other.

Another more active help Forum and group about codependency is HERE and it is all free and very active there.

I go there too.

[Roadrunner77]

Jfo7 - Thank you for sharing about your situation.

[Toocrazy]

Relationships with my family members are strained and difficult most of the time. I know if I had to live with my mother, I would end up in a lock down facility. It's great you are taking steps to make a mid course correction. I admire your courage to change.

[clean42day]

I feel for you also - sounds so very complicated to me too.

But as much as we would like to be "spiritual giants" and meet everyones needs - we are "after all" human and can only do one thing at and time.

Your life has unfolded one choice, decision and action at a time and that is the way to simplify it - one choice, once decision, and one action at a time.

I could never tell you what choices are right for you - that is something that is found in how clearly you can first stay "true to your spiritual self".

I do ask myself often" "what would God want me to do"?
and I also ask myself - if my best friend where in this situation "what would be my suggestions to her"?

sometimes my answers come from the need to protect self
and sometimes they come from the balance between being of service to others.

but I do know from experience with my own codependency - ................................

if I don't stay healthy and take care of my own needs spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and financially .................

I am no good to anyone.

good luck and many prayers for you..................

light and love

Gail

[jfo7]

Thanks so much for your words - I don't feel so all alone, and that makes all the difference!!!