The Stuff that Happens in my head

[dalin]

"When I'm alone and by myself, I'm out numbered."



I remember the first time I heard about the committee. Someone shared that when she went to sleep, the committee in her head got together and started going over all the things that were wrong and why her life was never going to work out. They collected evidence, put solid cases together, and then reached their decisions. When she woke up in the morning, they handed her their verdict - guilty and sentenced to a miserable life! Boy could I relate. I have my own committee of voices that constantly tell me things aren't going to work out, that my past mistakes are insurmountable, and that no matter how hard I try I will never be happy. When I'm alone, the committee is especially active and after a few days of listening to their decrees, I'm easily overwhelmed and defeated. In recovery I've learned that being alone and listening to my own thinking almost always leads to trouble. I was taught early on that my thinking is distorted by the disease of alcoholism, and that my best hope for right action and happiness is to run my thoughts by my sponsor and others in the program. Once I let others in, the committee disappears, and I am restored to sanity. Today I recognize the danger of being alone and out numbered. ___________________________________