I am a believer in the 12 steps

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I am a believer in the 12 steps
and I am grateful that I had a sponsor who encouraged me
to go through the 12 steps in my first year
The steps remain the same
but my perspective changes and my experience
broadens and deepens one day at a time.
The first step is about HONESTY
I lie so quick
I can lie to you well
I lie to myself perfectly
I was the last one to know that I had a problem
My family knew
My friends knew
My co-workers and employer knew
My neighbors knew
But I didn't know
I had to honestly admit that I could not use safely or successfully
without paying severe consequences.
When I use ALL bets are off
One day at a time, I have learned to ACCEPT
that I have the disease of addiction.
It took a lot of pain, misery and suffering to get to a place of acceptance.
Acceptance is a process not an event.
I had to learn the and continue to learn the meaning of being POWERLESS
Today I know that one is too many and a thousand is never enough
I know that if you don't pick it up, you cant get high.
I know that If you don't pick it up, you don't have to put it down.
I know that If you stay away from the first one,
you don't have to worry about all of the rest.
I know that if you think staying away from the first one is tough,
try staying away from the second one, that's impossible!!!
I am powerless, but not helpless.
Today I know that I am powerless over everything EXCEPT
my attitudes and my behaviors.
I had to learn about the spiritual principle of SURRENDER,
Surrender didn't mean that I had to quit,
It just meant I didn't have to fight anymore.
Like people surrender in war,
I had to waive the white flag and join the winning side.
I had to learn to surrender,
not to the disease,
BUT to the program of N.A.
I did this by becoming willing to try it a way
that was working for many others.
If I wanted what you have,
I had to become willing to do what you did.
I became willing to surrender to the Good Orderly Direction of the program.
By keeping my recovery first,
EVERYTHING else fell into place,
In the NA Basic text it says
It is not where we were that counts, but where we are going.
I don't know where I am going,
but I do know that If I keep doing what I am doing,
That God will take me there.
Thanks for letting me share
Stay in the Light,
In loving service,
Scott H. from N.Y. ~ cleandate 10/27/88