How Jim Regained Control...

[alcoholrehabcoach]

My Friends,

Here's a copy of an email conversation I had with Jim B, beginning Aug 27, 08 through Sept 30, 08. It follows Jim's progress while I help him regain control of his behavior. This was a lengthy conversation, but there's a ton of value in it. So after getting Jim's approval, I decided that over the next few weeks I will gradually post the entire intervention online, leaving time in between for anyone who wants to follow along and try posting their own answers to the same questions that I asked Jim.

Jim now has at least 40 days of sobriety, plus a lot more confidence in his ability to manage his behavior. I understand it's a different point of view than many of you are familiar with, but if you're up for the challenge, then try posting your own answers whenever I leave a space, or simply follow along and see if it will help.

Enjoy!

________________

JIM: I saw your market research ad on Craigslist and I am looking for help with alcohol. I got 2nd DUI on saturday.

MIKE: Write back and tell me more about your drinking problem, or simply ask me whatever questions you currently have on your mind. Once I`ve heard back from you I can start helping you permanently solve the problem in a way that works for you.

JIM: Age 50, in and out of AA. Once went 2.5 yrs sober. Current physical health good,5'7" 165lbs. One medication, Effexor XR 150 mg/day for anxiety. Just got 2nd dui last saturday night 11:30pm, .175 bal. I'm self-employed but my income is low due to my drinking. No health insurance. Last dui was not my fault... my sister called poilce. This time it was my fault alone. As I slept in jail cell I decided I would never drink again,I'm mad at alcohol. But is that enough?


MIKE: No, being mad at alcohol is not enough. In fact, being mad at anything or anyone, including yourself, is only good for one thing: Moving you to action.

So now you have taken some action. You have reached out for help. And by chance, by fate, by the grace of God, or by whatever power you believe in, you have managed to connect with someone who can truly help you. I understand where you are coming from because I have been down that road myself. Not just DUI, but I also spent time in prison for alcohol related problems. But far more importantly, I know what has to happen for you to get from the place where you are now, to the place you truly want to be.

Allow me to show you what I mean...

If you like, over the next couple of days, I will offer you many questions that will challenge the way you think, and will also cause you to re-evaluate certain things you believe. Depending on your answers, and depending on your needs, I will then give you two or three options for how I can help you permanently solve the problem.

Before we can do that, I need to know what "permanently solving the problem" might actually look like to you. You see, everyone has there own ideas of what is and isn't possible, and everyone has there own idea of what being able to control their drinking actually looks like. So here is my first question:

A) How will you know when you have permanently solved the problem?

Or, if that's too hard for you to answer right now...

B) What might be one of the first indications that you actually have power over alcohol?



Mike
Try the 7 Day Sobriety Challenge

[alcoholrehabcoach]

That's okay, it was a tough question for me to answer, too. Here's how Jim responded:

MIKE: A) How will you know when you have permanently solved the problem?

JIM: The day I can not imagine drinking ever again and being satisfied and happy with that thought sounds pretty good.

MIKE: B) What might be one of the first indications that you actually have power over alcohol?

JIM: When I can drive past a bar on a beautiful day and not want to go in. Especially in the morning.


MIKE: Perhaps you have already seen this analogy elsewhere on my website, but I'll offer it to you again because it will help you refine your focus, which will soon led to more effective action. Tell me. When you go into a grocery store, do you make a list of all the things you don't want to buy?


JIM: Of course not.

MIKE: Similarly, what do you think of when I say don't think of a green tomato?

JIM: I think of a green tomato and then go on to more interesting thoughts.

MIKE: What do you think either of these things has to do with your current goals, target or focus?

JIM: Control thinking,internal thoughts-dialog with self. Think posative not negative. I know my thinking gets me in trouble. Projecting,resentments from the past,feeling like I'm missing out,victim somehow.



MIKE: Being conscious of the way you think is definitely a step in the right direction, as is being more aware of the way you feel.

When someone says "don't think of a green tomato", then quite naturally, we immediately think of a green tomato. That's because our minds can't process a negative. It needs a subject to focus on. Similarly, when someone says "I don't want to drink" or "I don't want to smoke" or I don't want to feel bad, lonely, sick, stupid, poor, unhappy or depressed....

...they are not giving themselves any way of moving past the problem. It is still the subject they are focusing on, even though they are saying it is something they don't want.

Whenever I give people the grocery store example, they say of course I make a list of the things I want to have. But when I ask them about their drinking, they tell me what they don't want to have: "I don't want to have any more thoughts of drinking. I don't want to have to go into a bar. I don't want to feel the need to drink. I don't want to have anything to do with alcohol anymore..." They know what they don't want, but they're not really sure what they do want.

So let me ask you this:

What are some of the BENEFITS of drinking? In other words, what are some of the positive effects of drinking, how does it make you feel on the upside, or what might you be gaining from drinking?

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Okay guys, let's see if any of you are up for answering this question, otherwise I'm not going to bother continuing with this thread.

Mike
Try the 7 Day Sobriety Challenge