12 steps

[BIG AL]

i was looking some of the ask mike posts and i came across the 7 step mehod for gettin sober or breakin u habit.i wanted to know what u thought about this,and it seems like there is a lack of the mention of 12 steps in you colum here.alot of things that we did when we were drinkking that seemed to not be as effective as working with sponsor on 12 steps.in my opinion its some of these easier softer ways are what are killin alcholics and addicts.the treatment for the real alcholic the book says is the 12 steps of AA.what u think budddy.

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Originally Posted by BIG AL

i was looking some of the ask mike posts and i came across the 7 step mehod for gettin sober or breakin u habit.i wanted to know what u thought about this,and it seems like there is a lack of the mention of 12 steps in you colum here.alot of things that we did when we were drinkking that seemed to not be as effective as working with sponsor on 12 steps.in my opinion its some of these easier softer ways are what are killin alcholics and addicts.the treatment for the real alcholic the book says is the 12 steps of AA.what u think budddy.

Big Al,

Thank you very much for your post. You bring up an important question.

The short answer is "there is more than one way to skin a cat." However, I understand that explanation doesn't go very far towards giving people the certainty they need when dealing with an addiction.

I can hear your compassion for people in your writing. And, I agree that many "easier, softer ways" are killing people. However, speaking ONLY for myself, I know that the questions I had to ask myself along MY road to recovery, were some of the most difficult things I've ever faced in my life. And, I would be the first to admit those questions certainly led to an unusual point of view. Regardless of how they were developed, the methods I use can be administered either simultaneously, or independently of A.A.'s 12 Step Program.

One of the very first principles I teach, and perhaps one of the most important, albeit difficult concepts to fully understand, is "There is always a choice." In truth, many people won't even consider that point of view, let alone embrace it. But that doesn't change my understanding of the fact that "There is always a choice."

My views are only a threat to people when they are unsure of their position. Just as their views are only a threat to me when I am unsure of mine. For the record, here is where I stand: I am all about helping people find sobriety in a way that works for them. And, I am all about helping people become more response-able for their own health, wealth and happiness.

Quite often, that means helping them see things from a completely new perspective, which usually means challenging their beliefs. And sometimes, those are not the easiest messages to deliver or receive. Especially when it seems to threaten the things we feel are working. I think part of my own mental flexibility came when a teacher once said to me:

"If you can't see God in all, then you can't see God at all."

Since then, rather than holding fast to the idea that I have found "THE" way, I simply say I have found "A" way. A way that works for me, and as it happens, has worked for many other people as well. As always, my view is that the truth doesn't need me to defend it. I have no attachment to being right or wrong. My sobriety is absolute and cannot be threatened. It can only be enhanced.

Would you like me to walk you through my 7 Step Program right here in this thread? That way we can assess the similarities and differences to the 12 Step Method together. No doubt this would be a valuable conversation that I would hope many other people would participate in, as well.

Thank you again, Big Al, for asking this really helpful question and for giving me an opportunity to share my point of view.



Mike Highstead
Try the 7 Day Sobriety Challenge

[BIG AL]

one more question if may do you profit off the 7 steps.

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Originally Posted by BIG AL

one more question if may do you profit off the 7 steps.

Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.

In this forum and others like it I volunteer my time. Although that occasionally attracts new business, it is not the reason that I do it. I also speak regularly at various shelters and institutions where the motivation and rewards are seldom monetary. On my websites, and in numerous articles I have written, I have made the 7 Steps and many other resources freely available for anyone who cares to use them.

Having said that, my time is extremely value to me. So in my private practice, I typically charge a lot of money for my services. How much I charge for private rehabilitation and treatment depends a lot on my clients' needs, budget and preferences. I also pay people a lot of money for referrals.

Would you still like me to walk you through the process or is that enough for now?

[BIG AL]

i think i would like u took walk me threw it when u get time

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Al,

I admire your will to learn and the flexibility you are showing. That will serve you well on your road to recovery. So now I am happy to walk you through an explanation of the 7 step method I developed to overcome my own drug, alcohol, sex, and gambling addictions. And let's include a review of AA's 12 steps along the way. As you observed, I haven't said much about them in this section so it's probably time I did.

AA's first 3 steps are:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.


This path begins with an acknowledgment of the problem. Step 1 is certainly an essential place to start otherwise we stay in la-la land.

In Step 2, A.A. then moves the alcoholic towards looking for something - some kind of Power - that is greater than our challenges, and that can help us find our way. Again, that makes a lot of sense. How can I deal with something effectively unless I have some reliable way of doing it?

And then in Step 3, we made a decision to turn our will over to this higher power. At which point, many of us react like "Whoa! Give up my free will! I don't know about THAT!" But nonetheless, it doesn't diminish the value of this statement, at least in my view.

That's because to me, I / We / You / It / Everything is all God anyway no matter what you call It (Life, Mother Nature, Universal Awareness, Cosmic Energy, The "Thinking Stuff of The Universe", Allah, Buddah, Jesus, Jehovah...whatever you want to call Him / Her / It) so it really doesn't matter what else I do or don't believe. Still, a pretty tough concept to grasp, let alone embrace without some hefty motivation.



In comparison, the 7 Step Method begins with the end in mind.

It makes no direct reference to whether we accept God into our lives or not. At this point it really doesn't matter if we believe in God, because it starts by giving people the certainty of being in control of SOMETHING in their lives, even if not their drinking. Yet.

This alone makes it more accessible to the many people who have lost their faith, or have no way of imagining a power greater than themselves, or have no intention of EVER believing in any kind of God.

For some people, it is very easy to believe in God. For me it wasn't. And being told I had to believe in God in order to recover, was like telling a moose to set a mouse trap for an ironing board. It just didn't make any sense to me.

For me back then, any for many people still, "YOU MUST BELIEVE IN GOD OTHERWISE YOU ARE DOOMED TO HELL!!!" sounds too **** preachy and irrelevant.

So I had to find some other way of dealing with my addictions, until I could find something reliable to believe in. The fact that this approach inevitably leads people to tap into "an understanding of a power" that works for them, is not something I typically say up front. The idea is to give doubters something to believe in, not shy away from.

So my first step was too simply say "Okay. I know what I don't want. I don't want to be a drunk. I don't want people telling me what to do. I don't want to keep on living with so much pain and I certainly don't want to die, and I don't want to be going to meetings all the time and co-miserating with other people in pain...I just want to get better and put this f**king thing behind me!"

My first step was to identify what I really wanted. And one of the first things that I wanted was simply the ability to control my behavior. For better or worse, I couldn't see anyway of doing that by admitting I was powerless over it, because even if it was true, then I certainly didn't want to feel or remain powerless for the rest of my life.

Once I knew what I wanted, then I began figuring out the process, and assessing my various options for getting what I wanted. That's a whole other chapter I have no time to get into at the moment, but the net result was I discovered many ways of helping myself and others figure out what they really want or need.

And now it's your turn, Al. For your courage in stepping up and not being afraid to say what's on your mind, we can now explore these steps together to give you some additional insight and support. I promise it won't take anything away from whatever certainty or value you are getting from AA. If you like, (Oh Devil! Oh Blasphemy!!) you can think of my 7 Steps as coming after AA's 12. Kind of like numbers 13 through 20, in which "We discovered we had nothing left to fear."

The 7 Steps to I.M.P.R.O.V.E.

STEP 1: Identify What You Really Want or Need

So for Al, and anyone else who cares to answer, you know what you don't want. You don't want to be a drunk! Now what exactly is it that you DO want?

Mike Highstead
www.HighsteadAlcoholTreatment.com/

[BIG AL]

I WANT TO BE HEALTHY, PROSPEROUS, AND HAPPY

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Originally Posted by BIG AL

I WANT TO BE HEALTHY, PROSPEROUS, AND HAPPY

An excellent start!

Now let's look a little closer to be sure you are really clear about your target before we take another step...

How will you know when you are "Healthy, Prosperous, and Happy?" What will be your evidence that you are actually there?

I know it's a tough question Al, but until I answered it myself I knew I was just blowin' smoke! A guy once told me that "If you can't say it, then you can't have it!" so that's what I am now passing along to you.

The more clear and precise you are about what it is you want, the sooner you will have it.

So once again, how will you know when you are "Healthy, Prosperous and Happy"?

Let me know if you need any help figuring it out. As soon as we're in agreement about your actual targets, then we'll take another step forward in the direction of achieving them.


Mike

[BIG AL]

i need help, maybe i would know if bills were all paid and saving account great and relationships in life going smooth.a good relationship with god would help or a beter relationship with god i mean and no health problems or doctor visits

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Originally Posted by BIG AL

i need help, maybe i would know if bills were all paid and saving account great and relationships in life going smooth.a good relationship with god would help or a beter relationship with god i mean and no health problems or doctor visits

Yes,

I understand it's not all that easy to come up with. Especially when you haven't had a lot of practice doing it.

So let's start small and work our way up. In each of those 3 areas, what is one simple milestone you might soon achieve, that will at least prove you are now moving in the right direction.

What is one simple thing you would now like to achieve for your:

A) Health
B) Prosperity
C) Happiness