drank last nite

[junebug1]

I feel so messed up. I was almost at 30 days, and I threw it all away. Completely ignored my sponsor and my family and just drank.
I don't know if I'm capable of being honest! I think my hangup is the atttraction I have to other people besides my husband and the flirting I've continued to do even after I quit drinking.
Any suggestions, I'm at my witts end with myself. I feel awful.

[annalittlebit]

Please Hang In There Junebug!!!! I'm sooooooooo glad that you're HERE today---Take it easy on yourself-----Alot of us have had to start over but it does work!!!!!!!! HUGS!!!!!!!!!

[francie21805]

[Hello Mike, hope you don't mind me responding here.]


junebug1, I drank because I’m an alcoholic. My other issues/problems are straightening out. This did not start happening until I was willing to try to be honest, started working the steps, (with a sponsor) and a lot of prayer. Try praying for the willingness to become willing. I still have to do this with a lot of things that are difficult/painful.

I’m grateful you were able to make it back. Some don’t. We’re pulling for you.

[Thanks Mike ]

[junebug1]

Thanks, that does make me feel a little better. Wish I could get to the root of my feelings. I will pray for that.

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Originally Posted by junebug1

Wish I could get to the root of my feelings.

What might happen if you did?

[junebug1]

That's the question, I just don't know. I don't want to lose my family, but I'm not acting like I want to keep them either. The feelings I'm having for someone else, are not the feelings that a wife should be having, nor am I acting like a very good wife. I guess I know what I need to do, but its not what I want to do, and I feel like I am sabotoging my sobriety.
This seems so huge. I'm very overwhelmed.

[paulm]

I wish you the best, we make mistakes and we do things that are morally and spriritually wrong until we are desperate enough to take suggestions. Weather you have been acting motherly or wife-like has little relevance, the issue is what are you willing to do about it today? I could be mistaken for being a huge man-*****, I don't do the right thing everyday, but the thing is if I try to just keep away from booze and drugs, work on myself and get closer to my higher power, I have a chance of the other stuff straigtening itself out. "We are not Saints"

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Originally Posted by junebug1

...I wish I could get to the root of my feelings...

Originally Posted by junebug1

...I just don't know (what would happen if I did).

Sure you do. It's just not something you care to acknowledge.

Yet.

So give yourself a break. Give yourself the time and space to figure this problem out. You can do it right here in this forum. Plenty of guidance, love and support here, with no pressure to be anything but yourself.


Yeah I know you've got all kinds of garbage going on right now...you've made a really huge mess of things, you're feeling overwhelmed, you're constantly beating yourself up, you don't know where to turn, you're the absolute worst mother in the world, everyone knows you're a totally unworthy wife, nobody understands you, nobody to talk to, everybody hates you, you've got a big fat zit on your chin, the doctor dropped you on your head when you were born and blah blah blah blah blah...

Just stop all that mental noise for a minute. Just tell your brain to shut the hell up for a second while you stop and take a breath.

Breathe.

Long.

Slow.

Deep.



Breathing



Now tell me three good things that you know you've got going for you. If you can't think of three then tell me five.




Mike

[endywood]

I don't have a sponsor yet- 2 weeks sober and I think I need to get some real support this time, instead of trying to battle this on my own.

Anyway, I know what it's like to turn your back on weeks worth of sobriety. I've gone almost 12 weeks before...and then bam, something would happen to send me driving straight to the liquor store.

I guess that's why we're here, for help and support. Good luck!