personal bill of rights (healthy self autonomy)

[clean42day]

I just finished watching a theraputic lecture called:

Dysfunctional Families with Jeff Gazley, M.S.

I found it on netflix - but he also has a website called

www.asktheinternettherapist.com where I believe you can purchase his series of lectures on DVD.

you can also veiw pieces of it on Youtube here:
http://www.youtube.com/results?searc...ional+families

anyway the lecuture on dysfunctional families dealt with:

the spoken and unspoken dysfunctional rules of family systems and how they program the child to grow up into an unhealthy adult with toxic shame beleife systems.

also as they relate to cultural values and social values in America
examples....................
Toxic shame versus healthy guilt
the child within
the false self
the ideal self
defense mechanisms
critical parent
the observer
nurturing parent

this lecture also described how compulsive obsessive patterns emerge and hold people hostage to trying to obtain unrealistic ideals versus realistic mastery.

it was also very informative on PTSD and how to transform trapped emotions........................

I wanted to share this with you - because information is knowledge and even though knowledge is just a small part of transforming our lives it is imperitive that we know as co-dependents, or adult children of alcoholics that if we don't look at our roots - we will unconsciously pass these dysfunctional aspect of self - right on to our children and create a generational cycle of dysfunction that grows long after we are gone.

We owe it to ourselves to break free from the unhealthy aspects of self and we owe it to the people in our lives to be an example of how to do that.

his lectures are also solution oriented and if you get the chance please watch this one.



here is a list of some solutions to dysfunctional family rules as they relate to adult autonomy - and just as hard as it is for co-dependents to practice these rights - it is equally hard for us - to recognize that others have these exact same rights and to honor them when we see others being self-responsible, self-caring, and accountable to their own lives.

The hardest lesson for co-dependents to learn is to not take responsiblity when it is not ours to own.
allowing people to live their own lives - is thier choice = honor it.

all we can really do is set boundaries of what we will allow and not allow in our own lives.............

A Personal Bill of Rights
By: Charles Whitfield


1. I have numerous choices in my life beyond mere survival.
2. I have the right to discover and know my Child Within.
3. I have the right to grieve over what I didn't get that I needed or what I got that I didn't need or want.
4. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
5. I have the right to recognize and accept my own value system as appropriate.
6. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or it violates my values.
7. I have the right to dignity and respect.
8. I have the right to make decisions.
9. I have the right to determine and honor my own priorities.
10. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
11. I have the right to terminate conversations with people who make me feel put down and humiliated.
12. I have the right not to be responsible for others behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
13. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
14. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
15. I have the right to all of my feelings.
16. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
17. I have the right to be uniquely me, without feeling that I'm not good enough.
18. I have the right to feel scared and to say, "I'm afraid."
19. I have the right to experience and then let go of fear, guilt and shame.
20. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings, my judgement or any reason that I choose.
21. I have the right to change my mind at any time.
22. I have the right to be happy.
23. I have the right to stability, i.e., "roots" and stable healthy relationships of my choice.
24. I have the right to my own personal space and time needs.
25. I have the right to be relaxed, playful and frivolous.
26. I have the right to be flexible and be comfortable with doing so.
27. I have the right to change and grow.
28. I have the right to be open to improve my communication skills so that I may be understood.
29. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
30. I have the right to be in a nonabusive environment.
31. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
32. I have the right to take care of myself, no matter what.
33. I have the right to grieve over actual or threatened losses.
34. I have the right to trust others who earn my trust.
35. I have the right to forgive others and to forgive myself.
36. I have the right to give and to receive unconditional love.

self exploration is a journey .................

and I want to stay green and growing...........

light and love

Gail