~Rediscovery~

[catlady]

Rediscovering and Returning to My Family



When I look back at those past years where I was 'too busy' to spend the time I should have with my elderly relatives I shudder. I worked hard and felt I had every right to party hard as well. I was about as self centered as one can get. I sure didn't think so at the time....I had earned this, after all. Man...was I "out there". I missed out on so much and I cost them alot, as well, in my fierce commitment to ME! It is hard to believe when I look back on that now. It has been close to 11 years since I stopped using and I have grown so much since that time. It has not been an easy road, this recovery one. Little baby steps...but they start adding up, don't they? And little by little I began to see what I managed to overlook for so long. My family. Those who loved me in spite of myself. My dedication to my family is very real and very solid. What could be more important? I am willing to fight for that and I have. I will never be so foolish again. I have been blessed with a good husband, 2 grown children and my 4th grandson is due any time now. They are my world and that is as it should be. No career should ever come before them....and certainly nothing that alters who I am. I had to find "me" again and I did....a better me because I had made the mistakes I did and learned something. I have regrets...sure I do..but I know I cannot undo the past....only be the best me I can be today and all the days ahead of me. Will it be a simple task? Heck, no...I am still very much 'under construction' and always will be. And life is full of curve balls that come at you when you least expect it. But through the years and through my HP and the ESH of so many others I have learned to face these obstacles and deal with them....not escape into some sort of oblivion. I am grateful that I finally snapped out of it...with alot of help, for sure.

Thank you for listening.

[DavidNOLA]

Thanks for sharing!
Some of the greatest gifts of sobriety have been received by "letting go and letting God" when it comes to my family.


"When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned."
AA page 100

Amen!!

[Craig A.]

Thank you for the topic! First thing I think of is gratitude. Thankful to be in life again and to be part of my family also. Before I never gave my family much thought, show up give them their gifts and out the door I went. Today I spend most of my time with my little cousins giving them horseback rides, playing with them. When I look back I wanted to do the same but I was addicted and didn't care. I love seeing their smiles and laughter, I can't take back the past but I could be a part of their future. This program has shown me the meaning of alot of things, true meaning of time ( the most important thing you can give someone, no amount of money can equal to your time ), enjoying the smiles and company of your family/friends, being true to yourself, honesty, how to love someone, how to listen, on and on. Today I am not that tornadoe making everybody wander is he alive or is he ... . Today my heart is filled with gratitude, love, and hope. Thank you for the reminder, God Bless and take care!!!

[catlady]

I so agree...those little faces, well, they are what matters to me the most these days. We talk about so many things, do little crafts togther, bake cookies, watch a movie with a big bowl of popcorn...those boys just flopping all over me and around me. I love it!! What a beautiful thing!!!
Thanks to everyone for your replies!

[allaflutter]

What a wonderful share..Thank You..you so elequently shared some of the things that have been on my heart

Hugs

[janbear]

Like has been said, i cant change my past, my daughter saw me high many a time unfortuantely. Today we have a wonderful relationship. I remember when i did a 9th step with her and she forgave me. I owed her a lot of money also and i paid it back all at the same time. Back then i didnt realize how truly wonderful she was, she overlooked me so much and continued to love me anyway. I am blessed today with 2 wonderful grandchildren who have only known me as being clean.

[letgo]

Originally Posted by catlady

Rediscovering and Returning to My Family
And life is full of curve balls that come at you when you least expect it. But through the years and through my HP and the ESH of so many others I have learned to face these obstacles and deal with them....not escape into some sort of oblivion. I am grateful that I finally snapped out of it...with alot of help, for sure.

So true. Thanks

[sioux]

I am learning that the dynamics of my family of origin do not have to affect me. It is complicated matter, but when an alcoholic of my caliber learns when it is time to leave, much changes. This attitude puts me in a position of service to my elderly parents, and not part of their problems.

My own family of creation is different. I have a program. They have a program too, even if they don't know it. We are not perfect; we have our differences of opinions and sometimes we don't express them in normal conversational voices. But we always look forward to seeing one another instead of dreading it. I call that a blessing.

[catlady]

Thanks to all of you for your responses As we journey forward we continue to learn about ourselves and about life on life's terms. We see our blessings instead of the things we would like to change...growth is a wonderful thing!