The solution

[Raya]

good morning all
just wanted to share my solution to my problem on christmas eve.
i am so glad I didn't use over this.
I shared in my last thread about relationship turmoil resulting from my anger issues... and well this is how I worked throgh the problem, instead of getting high...
first of all when my partner told me he wanted to leave I tried not to react, or lash out passive aggressively. (mostly i think my temper-tantrum had gotten my irrationality out of me--highly don't recomend that behaviour to anyone, its what got me in the difficulty in the first place.)
I instead choose to fullfill my plans as if he hadn't decided he wanted to leave.
I think I was determined he wasn't going to ruin my christmas eve, anymore than I already had.
so I got dressed up and showed up (which is what I have learnt most of life is about -dress up, and show up, leave the rest up to god )we had a candlelight dinner (possibly our last, from what I knew then), and afterwards I went out to Ottawa Area's 'In From The Cold' which is a 24hr x-mas shindig and I shared in a mtg what I was feeling. Which at that point was a desire to f**k it all and run (sorry for the cuss) but that is how I felt.
when we were haveing dinner, we shared a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling raspberry drink, it came in a bottle which resembled too much, a bottle of whine. (It was a christmas gift) nice thought, but too similar to the same old for comfort. --aside: i ended up bringing the fake bottle to bed with me--(sound fermilliar...)
So, I shared my pain, and pain shared, is pain lessoned.
A woman was there, who used to sponsor me.
She held my hand in the mtg, something I haven't experienced in the rooms for a while, that unconditional love, and acceptance of me, no matter how messed up I felt inside.
So, after shareing with her and a few others, I decided to come back home.
The next morning he decided he needed to see a change in my behaviour, if he was going to stick around. And we had a good christmas together.
Not our last one after all.
Last night I decided to post a thread about the pain I was still burdoned with concerning this whole issue. My responsibility in this whole situation.
My unmanageable behaviour almost cost me my 5year relationship, clean.
I cannot express in words how fundementally eye opening that was, crucially painful, awareness...
I surfed this cyber recovery site and found a really helpful thread on Tradition 3 in relationships.
It was monumental in providing me an appliable solution to my problem.
Thankyou cyber recovery forum.
Just wanted to share how working it, works.

[annalittlebit]

Thanks so much for sharing this and Good Job!!!!!! It Really Does Work!!!!!

[nicole_layne04]

congrats, first off. that is what I am afraid of, being clean for years and using again. i recently, went through a huge family problem and the first thing I wanted to do was use. I didnt though. and by not using is when ur showed something; pride in urself. I just dont want to take my sobriety for granted, ever.