Moving over from newcomers support/recovery

[geoff 1030]

Mike, I have moved this over here as you requested. First thanks for the great reply in the other thread. I am still trying to figure out the formatting thing, but thanks for the tip.

I know that nothing will change until I change. The problem seems to be that I keep falling back into the traps of old behavior. I hear her words, and I see her actions . It just seems that the two rarely match.

I am making lots of excuses, and am having a terrible time with my boundries. Lately I feel as though she is walking all over me, and when I try to share this with her she gets angry and tells me things like I am taking her inventory. And I know I probably am.

Yet anytime I seem to find some peace with whats next, she changes the game and I fall right back in. I truly feel we need some time apart. I have asked her to move out at least for a while to give us both some room to breath. When I do that she digs in her heels and says she is not leaving her home or her kids behind, then that is exactly what she does anyway.

It's as if anytime anyone around her becomes happy she does something to keep the dysfunction going. I thought about moving out myself but with 4 of the kids being mine and the size of the house it just doesn't feel right. After all she says she wants a divorce and to move out so I tell her to just do it.

Enough about her. I am just so unsure of which thoughts and behaviors are codependent and which are legitimate acts of moving forward. Our lives are so enmeshed financialy and with family obligations that there just doesn't seem to be a way out. I am okay with the divorce thing if that's what she needs. But both my Al Anon and AA sponsor keep telling me that it is way too early for me to make a decision like that. Or for her either.

They keep telling me that we have way to much invested in this to not give it some time. One day I have hope that we can each get better together and the next I want to turn tail and run.