Welcome To My Journey!

[Just-A-Junkie]

I would like to welcome everyone here to what will be my journey, day by day, living life on life's terms without the use of drugs. My name is JAJ and I am an addict. Very happy to be here clean that is for sure. I have been to the depths of Hll and don't want to have to ever go back there, and according to the NA Basic Text, we never have to go back ever. I am a firm believer in the Program of NA and if it suggest something then if we are truly living the program we will abide by the LAW of the NA Basic Text.

Here I will give a daily update on where I am, what I am doing and along the way in hopes that someone here or someone who has yet to register, will be able to relate, to have hope, and to be able to make a change in there lives as well as a change in mine. This is truly a privlage to be here, to be allowed to even post, and to be a small part of the great whole.

For years we tried to cover up the feeling that we felt, we used to get high, we used to show them, we used because it rained, we used because it felt good. There came a time for each of us that it didn't feel good, it became our enemy, it had us by our butts and we couldn't stop. We tried ever way to try and stop and yet nothing seemed to work for us until we got to NA. There we found people just like us, who were living clean, and enjoying life. That is what the program has to offer as long as we do the right thing for the right reason. Grab hold of a partner, grab hold of a HP and let your HP know that you love it. This is a spiritual program, not a religious one.

About a month ago I got a puppy, he was either abused or abandoned. He didn't even know what a toy was, when you walked up to him he would whine like you were really hurting him. He didn't go near anyone but me. Now during this pass month, I have witnessed a miracle happen within him. He no longer is that fearful puppy, he is full of life, and love, and friendship. He now plays with toys, he fetches, he sits up for treats, etc. It has truly been a spiritual experience to watch this puppy become a puppy full of self-worth. Yes he is a miracle just like each of us.

Before I close, I just want to thank you all for allowing a junkie like me the privilege and honor to be a part of.

Love JAJ

[Just-A-Junkie]

Originally Posted by coalminer

JAJ:

what's his/her name ? - for me, after having lost everything else due to my addiction - health, job, home, family etc. - my only friend left was my dog "Duke" an Australian shepherd.

Thanks Henry for the reply, my puppy's name is Chance, I had a really sad experience last year with my other dog. This dog is part Rot and Australian husky, he is so cute and lovable now it is quite amazing to see him grow, to see him change, to see him become secure in his own way.

Well good Morning

I woke up really early, looking at the day ahead, seeing what I can do for the addict who is still suffering, getting out of self and into life. Life is so precious that I am really amazed at how my life has evolved. Here I sit drinking my and truly enjoying being here at this site. What a wonderful group of people sharing and caring. This is what life is truly about . I am excited as I get up today, knowing that I have a huge of amount of stuff that I would like to accomplish and yet will be content doing whatever I can do to get this done. Knowing that I don't have to get everything done, just keep putting ONE foot in front of the other, and knowing that I am not in charge.

Love JAJ

[flickchic]

Hello JAJ, and welcome to cyber recovery. I not long ago posted a welcome under newcomers to you

For years we tried to cover up the feeling that we felt, we used to get high, we used to show them, we used because it rained, we used because it felt good. There came a time for each of us that it didn't feel good, it became our enemy, it had us by our butts and we couldn't stop. We tried ever way to try and stop and yet nothing seemed to work for us until we got to NA. There we found people just like us, who were living clean, and enjoying life. That is what the program has to offer as long as we do the right thing for the right reason. Grab hold of a partner, grab hold of a HP and let your HP know that you love it. This is a spiritual program, not a religious one.

I have been a 'clean junkie' for 6 half years now....I spent 9 months going to rehab, with addicts of all kinds, and all the while remained 'blind' to my being an alcoholic. By the Grace of my HP, whom I do choose to be God, through Jesus Christ, I found myself hard on my butt again in January. Life had been getting better for me, I found a new partner and slowly life become miserable again...why?, because I hadn't addressed all the underlying issues of my addicitveness. Particularly my co-dependance and the biggy for me was to learn I was so self centred!!! UHOH

In the past 6 months I have been on a journey of many ups and downs, but....they have been "natural highs and lows", not substance induced, therfore slowly but surely I have begun to actually "live in who I am", and not "exist in what I thought I was". You mention doing the right thing for the right reason, with the programme.....for me I believe I never quite made it each time into true recovery as I was always "doing it for someone else"....I am seeing, everyday, that as I am in recovery for myself this time what I am doing is "doing for others in a healthy way", particulalry in my personal r/ships with self, children and partner. I could never quite grasp "to do for me first"....I always thought that was so selfish.....irony; because I didn't do for me, I was doing a very selfish, self focused thing anyway; existing with old behaviours and old dysfunctional thought processes....sure I got clean and I've not used since, however I never 'got' the sobriety bit!!! Today, here and now I am learning to "let go" I am accepting that I am completely powerless, not only over my substance addictions, also over "control" of self, others and our environments. It truly is a spiritual journey and you know for me "religion" acutally means "belief", society has given "religion" a terminology of One God, church, set prayer etc., I do not by any means impose my beliefs for or against other's 'religion', whatever fits and works for individuals, groups etc, I honour their choices, I just wanted to share that 'religion' does not have to mean any one set way.

It has truly been a spiritual experience to watch this puppy become a puppy full of self-worth. Yes he is a miracle just like each of us.

Awesome!!!!! How rewarding that must be, to have watched such a precious recovery!!!! I actually read a very interesting piece this a.m.that included 'self worth',

Mistaken Childhood Conclusions - These are usually mistaken beliefs about a reality in which we perceive ourselves as weak, wrong, unlovable and to blame for just about everything that happens around us such as our parents anger, absence, unhappiness, indifference, divorce, illness, death etc. We falsely interpret that we are unworthy or unable and that others will always behave towards us in ways that we experienced in childhood.


Because we often supress these beliefs,and isolate them from our concious mind; while we are growing older;

these first belief systems do not evolve as we do. They remain in their original state regardless of our evolving logic, reasoning, new experiences and spiritual faith. Unless we engage in inner psychological or spiritual work, they receive no new data.

Our Spiritual Intuitive Faith constructs our fourth category of beliefs. These beliefs are usually based on faith rather than proof. We feel that what we believe is true. In addition to being affected by others' spiritual beliefs, we also experience inner awakenings or revelations in which we just "know" that something is true.

Unless we work on sobriety we do not become open to new beliefs, unable to find our spiritual selves...unless we nurture, love, care for 'unconditionally we cannot and will not fully recover. By giving 'Duke' unconditional love, he has discovered freedom of 'being', loss of fear, knowing he is loved and accepted 'just the way he is'.

And not to take away from duke's return to self worth...I also read (for us humans anyways),that we don't ever loose our self worth...it's our self esteem that takes the hidings and becomes lowered, even to a nothingness. Our 'self worth' is always within, it is our true spiritual self, and by letting go of old beliefs and taking in new we can become open to "redsicovering our self worth". We realise our self worth has nothing to do with what others think, say or do, because our self worth is our inner essence, "our core" as was put to me, our self esteem is based on the external self, the ego and that is what gets bruised/damaged and feels a need to be fed to make us feel better about ourselves.



Have a great 24

[Prescott]

Hi JAJ, It's Nice to have you join our recovery family. As I sit here with my coffee and read you sharing "I can relate". I've been coming here every A.M.
for about 2 yrs. now and look forward to it every morning. Recovery AA & NA the fellowship here and F2F have given me so much. 1 month from today I will celibrate 9yrs clean and sober and am still learning and growing in recovery. I'm not bragging about time, just amazed I'm even clean and sober.
I was a very low bottom drunk and addict for over 30yrs. Have fun, stay clean and sober, and again welcome to our family !!!

[Just-A-Junkie]

Originally Posted by flickchic

Our 'self worth' is always within, it is our true spiritual self, and by letting go of old beliefs and taking in new we can become open to "rediscovering our self worth". We realise our self worth has nothing to do with what others think, say or do, because our self worth is our inner essence, "our core" as was put to me, our self esteem is based on the external self, the ego and that is what gets bruised/damaged and feels a need to be fed to make us feel better about ourselves.

Absolutely priceless how you put that and that in itself has made me really think. My inner self I truly believe is what I have found this time around. Yes sobriety has to be our number one priority, and then we are on a journey that is so priceless and precious. Thanks for your words of wisdom.

Prescott I'm not bragging about time, just amazed I'm even clean and sober.
I was a very low bottom drunk and addict for over 30yrs.

Everyday that I wake up clean and go to bed clean I am amazed. I have been happier this time than any other time in my past. So for that I am eternally grateful! Still having my morning and seeking my day through my God, and I am very excited with what has been happening in my life. It is just truly amazing the love that I am finding within myself.

Any ways it has been a busy weekend, shampooing carpets where I live, and also doing my sister's roof yesterday, having a BBQ with the family, that was just an awesome experience to be able to enjoy. Sobriety and being clean has so many miracles in life that it is just totally awesome. Found out that my children will be here next weekend and that is awesome also, I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving of last year, and mainly the reason being is I was so wrapped up in self and using that I didn't care about anything or anyone except JAJ. Now things are different. I was suppose to go trim my sponsors trees today, but it is wet outside so I will find something else to do today. Thanks again for all your replies.

Love
JAJ

[Just-A-Junkie]

Originally Posted by coalminer

JAJ:



ps: curiosity is killing the cat: your profile shows your location as:
"moving" ON is that an actual place in Ontario (as I'm from the Niagara Region) or are you "moving on"??????

henry:

LOL No it is not a place but a place in my life to leave the past and move on into the future. Yep, yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn't here and today is a gift. Moving on through each passing moment and happy with in myself that my God has given me life.

Love JAJ

[flickchic]

My inner self I truly believe is what I have found this time around. Yes sobriety has to be our number one priority, and then we are on a journey that is so priceless and precious.

Still having my morning and seeking my day through my God, and I am very excited with what has been happening in my life. It is just truly amazing the love that I am finding within myself.

JAJ, (and Duke)

Good morning from me, now I sit and have my morning coffee, come here and am so happy for you!!!!! Awesome, to be clean and sober, to know we are loved is certainly precious and priceless. Even though I feel rotten in the physical body today (with the flu) I am reminded right here and now of how I feel within and it is priceless. No money required whatsover for an escape to feel (I mistakenly believed) better. I am grateful for simply being, for coming into who Our Lord intended me to be.

It is just truly amazing the love that I am finding within myself.

JAJ, how wonderful for you to be seeing your children again , I can certainly relate to being so wrapped up in self and not 'available' to my children (emotionally), I lost a lot of time with mine, particulalry the youngest, he was removed my from my care, however I have learnt to forgive and accept that that is "the past", he is with me "now" and that's what counts!!!!!!

Yep, yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn't here and today is a gift. Moving on through each passing moment and happy with in myself that my God has given me life.

[flickchic]

.....sorry JAJ for cutting in here, but......(((((Henry))))) I'm tickled....thank's!!!!!! :-)

12th July,
I don't mean thanks, thinking the duh and humour was posted to me Henry....I meant thank's for giving me a laugh...LOL....and again as I edit this post....LOL..... .please do not be offended Henry, i was amused!!!!


(((((((JAJ)))))), thank's for letting us 'invade' your journey!!!! :-)

[Just-A-Junkie]

Originally Posted by flickchic

JAJ, how wonderful for you to be seeing your children again

Yes that it is! We do however have to remember that without a God in our lives and without a Program, being clean, none of this would even be possible. And yeah there is no reason to be sorry. That reminds me of what I heard one time at a meeting

This guy was talking about making amends. He said that when he talked to his sponsor about it, he would say "Don't ever say that you are sorry! You have been sorry all of your life. What you do is you go up to the person and say that "My behaviour was in appropriate, what can I do to make it right?" OMG I have used that before and you wouldn't believe some of the things that others would say to you what to do to make it right it is truly amazing.

Well I woke up this morning another lovely day yep drinking my morning going to step back here soon and say my morning asking what I could do for the next suffering addict, to make me of use for my fellow man and to do the things that God would only have me to do.

If you like what You are getting, keep doing what you are doing! If you don't like what You're getting keep doing what you are doing and you will keep getting what you're getting. Today I like what I am getting so I will keep doing what I am doing. Have a great and blessed day.

Love JAJ

[Just-A-Junkie]

Originally Posted by coalminer

JAJ:

Just need to pop in to clarify for flick:



was posted in response to my query re:



We both posted around the same time and crossed wires.

I regret that it appeared to be in response to your post.

henry:

That is OK Henry I didn't take it that way Well another day gone and having of course my Here is a for everyone today. Hope that everyone is doing alright, it sure is a lovely day. Only suppose to get to 100 today that is enough to make anyone hot even in the air conditioning. I also have my out-patient thing to attend tonight, and a session with my counselor this morning. You know last time I went out and tried to use successfully I knew that in order for me to get clean and stay clean that I had to be willing to go to any lengths to stay clean. Well so far it is working only because God and I are working it together.

There is a prayer in which I love, well actually a few of them....

God

I am not the person that I am going to be

I am not the person that I should be

I am not the person that I aught to be

But thank you God I am better than I was.

and then this prayer

God, help me to remember

that nothing is going to happen today

That you and I together can not handle.

Yep for this addict have to keep it really simple.

Love JAJ