Weekly Recovery Meeting Topic - Self-Centeredness - 3/14 - 3/21

[DavidNOLA]

Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.

Big Book pg. 62

As I travel through the new life of recovery I am becoming aware of how troubles in life, both past and present, are of my own making.
Especially when it comes to identifying with self-pity or negative feelings. Those feelings often arise out of fear.
Just this morning I realized that I had told my sister I would take care of my nephews. For a few seconds I thought it was tomorrow afternoon and evening that I had promised. I became resentful towards her because I felt I needed some time to myself. But now, because of AA and a daily 3rd step, I am able to turn off those little pity parties and bad feelings or fears by not identifying with them. By clearing my head of the resentment, I was able to think clearly and remembered that she needs me next Sunday. If I hadn't cleared my thoughts, I may have been bitter all day. Today, I don't have to feel negatively towards others. I can be happy and grateful to be able to spend time with my nephews. I also know that the fact I can help my sister out is a blessing.
Because I am living life on life's own terms I am accountable. My family can rely on me and I can rely on them for support in my recovery.
I can also help, as others have done for me, to carry the message. Which brings me to another thing that has been on my mind and that isThe Responsibility Declaration. I need to be aware of the fact that "I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible."

I've signed up to moderate meetings in my area and that is a new beginning for me. I am grateful to feel that recovery is not work, it's my way of life.
A third step promise as found on pg. 63 of the Big Book says it all: "More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life."

[zoomie]

I use to be so selfish in my self pity when I was drinking. Today however I hardly feel sorry for myself,but still haves some shame from when I was drinking. It's amazing how much we can justify when we pity ourselves. I'm glad I'm not the same person I was when I was not in recovery. Lots of people have it worse off than me. I'm waiting though to be more of sevice to people when I get out of school. I do have to be a little selfish with my time so not to overwhelm myself. But when someone ask for help I am there.

[francie21805]

Thanks for the topic DavidNOLA – Almost missed this. I believe the Daily Reflections for March 3rd says it a whole lot better than I can.

OVERCOMING SELF-WILL

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62


For so many years my life revolved solely around myself. I was consumed with self in all forms-- self-centeredness, self-pity, self-seeking, all of which stemmed from pride. Today I have been given the gift, through the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, of practicing the Steps and Traditions in my daily life, of my group and sponsor, and the capacity--if I so choose--to put my pride aside in all situations which arise in my life. Until I could honestly look at myself and see that I was the problem in many situations and react appropriately inside and out; until I could discard my expectations and understand that my serenity was directly proportional to them, I could not experience serenity and sound sobriety.

[clean42day]

selfishness versus selflessness.

there is a healthy balance between the two. What I mean by that is......certainly I was self centered in the extreme when I was active in my addiction.......then when I got clean - I found out that I was also addicted to people in a codependent way and ran to the other extreme of being too selfless and would lose myself and my identity in what other people thought of me - I became an extreme people pleaser. the word no was not in my vocabulary....and I had to risk loosing other people's approval to learn how to say it in order to take care of myself. in that whole process I learned a new kind of self-acceptance.

Now I can say no - without guilt when I am practicing self care. some people may call this selfish - for me it is healthy.

I think a good way to check for selfishness - is asking myself what my motives and intentions are.....if it is all about me wanting to get my way through manipulation? that is selfish and I must tell myself "NO"!. But if my motives are pure.....I also don't have a problem with people telling me "NO"!

I try to "give" today without motive or recognition.

but I also know when I have crossed the line in being of service to others - to my own detriment or to build my own ego.

so I always have to ask myself........

"is this choice I am about to make healthy? or unhealthy? for me.

somewhere in the gray area is my answer...........

here is a little reading from Iyanla Vanzant that talks a little about this subject.

The greatest service I can offer is................not engaging in crimes against myself.

You cannot be useful to yourself, others or God if you run yourself ragged. Many of us believe that in order to be useful, helpful or in service, we must give our all to all, all of the time. We become yes people. We say yes when we are tired. Yes when we are busy doing other things. We say yes when we know there is no way we can take on anything else. You may believe that in order to be worthy of love, admiration or respect of others, you must always say yes. What you may not understand is that there are times when saying yes causes you to make unnecessary sacrifices.

There is a passage in A Course in Miracles that says, “Giving of yourself to the point of sacrifice makes the other person a thief!” When you allow others to take what you need, what you have earned, what you deserve, you are making a sacrifice. When you sacrifice, you are not giving freely. Nor are you serving others when you give to your detriment. In addiction, when you give to your own detriment, you become resentful. You resent yourself and you resent the one who has received. Resentment is a clear-cut path to anger and unworthiness.

In order to serve others, support others, give to others, you must first be able to serve, support and give to yourself. You must be willing to share your overflow, not your necessities. This is called self-support, self-care, and self-love.

Until today, you may not have realized that you have allowed others to be involved in crime against you. You may have allowed them to support you in sacrificing yourself and believing that you were helping or serving them. Just for today, don't be a yes person! Take care of yourself. Don't give what you don't have to what you yourself need. Be self-supportive and self loving enough to say no.

Today I am devoted to not making unnecessary sacrifices! Today I am willing to say no!

[sioux]

Saying and practicing the 7th Step prayer every morning, and sometimes at noon helps me to understand the value of stepping outside of myself, offering my gifts to others that ask for help, remembering I am trying to lead a life based on spiritual principles. Here it is for those that are interested:

"My Creator....I am now wililng that you should have all of me. I pray you now remove from me every single defect which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows (females, family, co-workers, retailers...I get to add if I am having tough time here). Grant me strength as I go out from here to do yur bidding....Amen."