Lone is the night

[d10y]

When I entered the program, Sept 28,1998. I suddenly discovered I had incredible feelings I had never allowed myself to feel. Those feelings were fear, anxiety, and loneliness. For years I had built up walls and defense that repelled those feeling , but the program took those defenses.

I found those negative feelings particularly prevalent at night. But after the meeting I would come home and have overwhelming feelings of loneliness and fear. I had a difficult time getting to sleep. Sometimes I would wake up and stay up for hours, with anxious feelings....
What was it about the night time that was so different?
I soon discovered days light chased away many of my fears because of the hustle-bustle of the day. There were things to do, people to see, and-as Robert Frost say' s- " miles to go before I sleep" . Each new dawn held new promise, new beginnings... But what did the sunset hold? What was there to focus on at night?

So I began to learn how to rest, to ease the nights anxieties through meditation. this is were I learned to be still, to slow my pace. Listen, as I became less active, less tense... here is when I began spiritual awareness... This took some patience and willingness...

The agonies of the road that I often felt inside became less and less frequent in my life today I have learned to cope with solitude it is only when I am alone and calm I am able to communicate with God, for He cannot reach me when I am in turmoil. It is good for us to remain in contact with God at all times, but it is absolutely essential that when everything goes wrong, I maintain that contact through prayer and meditation.

It is so true that the program works... but only if I work
it. I cannot recover without the help of the 12 steps, sponsor, service,the fellowship, my H.P., prayer and meditation. Each of these marvelous tools I have available and keep them ever present, with them I am truly NEVER alone... NO matter what time of day....or night.

[Midas]

Those are tough feelings, alright. Fellowship and prayer seem to help me. Fear is a bad one though. I get certifiably frightened at some things in life. Almost makes me want to drink. But I step back, and let the program work.