Creating Our Own Problems 5/10/09-5/16/09

[janbear]

In NA literature it has a statement how we create our own problems. How did you create your own problems in addiction? How do you still do this in your own recovery? What are your solutions?

[DavidNOLA]

I don't have to do what everyone says they have to do. I just went through a few weeks of listening to others when I should have realized that today I get my direction from God. So when I hear people say you got to go to meeting every morning to start your day or have a sponsor who is this, that or the other, or work the steps this way or that way, I need to remember that before I came in to AA, listening to what other people were doing and following it without seeking guidance from God got me in trouble.
A good solution to that is a daily gratitude list, daily prayers and daily service to others.

[Chewi]

I say "ditto" to DavidNOLA's share. I have recently relapsed and it really boils down to not seeking God. I get very wrapped up in dissatisfaction and discontentment. I begin to try to control everything and do everything on my own. I fight what I am supposed to be doing. I build resentments when people tell me I need to do this or that. As an "adult child" also I have trouble with unsolicited advice. Seeking guidance from my Higher Power first I think IS key. Setting my priorities from that. I have been under a GREAT DEAL of stress, cancer treatment, moving, financial crisis, my children's health issues and on and on. I feel that no one understands or can relate to so much at once and they just start telling me what to do. But I know with seeking help and support I can do it again without relapsing. Instead of getting overwhelmed, I should have gone to another meeting or picked up a phone and called someone. Thanks for the topic and letting me share.

[MichelleW]

I've done various things to self-sabotage. I've exposed myself to vulnerable situations, in order to please others. And I've done it full well knowing the likely outcome. Instead of focusing on what I need to do for sobriety, there's just one other thing that needs to be done first, but then there's another, and another...

After five years being clean and sober some time ago I'd say my descent into alcoholism started with a loss of connection with God. I was going to church and sometimes it was helpful but at other times it would just feel like I was listening to other people's rules and following them, which just meant that I drifted further. It's been a while since I went back. I think that I will eventually but I stopped hearing God's voice there and am seeking to reconnect with it through my program. I had a sort of spiritual awakening I think about ten years ago, and when I look through the steps I think that I recognise the process that is in them.

[Chewi]

I think everything I said above boils down to selfishness. It becomes all about me, why me and self pity. Then I have a lot of resentment and anger.

I had a good reminder today about priorities: God first, others second. The greatest joy comes from service to others rather than looking for things to make me feel better (alcohol, stuff, entertainment, more stuff).

So my solution is to continue to work the AA program one day at a time, continue my steps, and seek God daily in prayer and meditation, find areas where I can be of service to others. I get lost and spiritually lazy and forget that just a little time in service, one small donation, one small word of encouragement can change the world a little bit at a time.

[Victoriana]

I tend to overthink everything. I am now trying to step back, take a deep breath and accept that some things just don't need me picking the bones out of them. I have to accept, for instance, that I am an alcoholic. Overthinking the why, when and how it happened only takes the focus off of my staying sober today. I need to prioritize my thinking I guess.

[MichelleW]

I tend to overthink everything too. And it seems like it's a tendency for many early in recovery. At least it's something I know isn't worth subjecting myself to this time.

[flick]

excellent topic Jan, thank's and thank's to all who have shared so far, can relate to you all very well!!!!

I too have had a tendency to 'over think' things, had to analyse everything, 'I' believe it is a form of control......or more to the point, the need to control.

I have recently relapsed and it really boils down to not seeking God. I get very wrapped up in dissatisfaction and discontentment. I begin to try to control everything and do everything on my own. I fight what I am supposed to be doing. I build resentments when people tell me I need to do this or that. As an "adult child" also I have trouble with unsolicited advice. Seeking guidance from my Higher Power first I think IS key.

wow can I relate here Chewi!!!

I have recently relapsed also, I haven't picked up or used, thank's be to God, BUT; I emotionally relapsed, big time!! and yes it "really all boils down to not seeking God"......I have found that everytime I have relapsed, be it emotionally or the whole way it has been when I try and do things my way again and cease looking for God's direction.....

I have been filled with fear and resentments, and as a result of allowing those dysfunctional ways of being have been one very very angry person inside....

as some of you may know my partner recently had a heart attack, he is doing ok now but it scared me soooo bad, especially as he was away working on a mine site over a 1,000kms from home.

It gave me one huge reality kick initially, that "nothing is forever" and how easily it is for life to be turned totally upside down.....

through all my fears, concerns, and basically sitting in grief mode, I ended up shutting down, put my walls back up and have been isolating myself to a large degree.......and that in a nutshell is how I created my own problem, I have been miserable, had no interest to to do things, was being rather robotic in my household chores and spending a lot of time just sitting and trying to feel devoid of emotions.

also on the day my partner came out of hospital he and I had 'words' and he ended up totally lashing out at me verbally; on the day I was still feeling very vulnerable emotionally and had one very sick toddler (vomitting everywhere).....I was distraught, allowed his anger to affect me in a big way, when I picked him up from the hospital I felt like bashing him with a baseball bat.....pretty sad huh!!!!.....I allowed myself to take on board his crap.......and that too caused me to close off and put the walls back up.

I have since seen my pyschologist and had a good cry and shared my thoughts and feelings with my partner and subsequently having released pent up stuff am doing a lot better these past cple of days.

something that my psych pointed out to me also was that I wasn't taking care of me, quite a few people had told me 'not to worry, all would be ok......and considering what my partner had been and was going through in trying to deal with what had happened it seemed to me I would have been selfish in seeking comfort......crazy thinking in hindsight!!!!

a little long winded, I needed to share, so thank's for listening, hopefully I can now remain focused on my recovery and begin spending more time with God.

[Chewi]

A heart attack is a pretty major event on the stress scale. So glad you did not drink. Part of the solution I believe is sharing our problems or "venting" when we need to so we can help bear each others burdens. And we can talk about the solution of how not to lose our footing in our program, in our steps even when going through some major events. We have to remember to measure our words when helping others. When someone is going through some MAJOR life events and stresses, telling them "just don't drink," falls a bit short.
Also, in feeling guilty for caring for yourself when your partner was sick--that is a VERY common issue for any "caregiver." When I was sick with cancer, my husband just about went off the deep end. He had to see a counselor himself and it led him to make some very big life changing decisions as well. It is hard on both parties to the illness.
Thanks for sharing and I hope that you continue to find help and support and strength from God and people on this site and others. And your hope of recognizing your incorrect thinking and working to get on the right path to staying sober, that is the solution.

[flick]

Thank's ((((Chewi))))

something that just came to mind that I too often forget; generally, "If I have a problem, the problem is in me"