Sponsorship

[mmarq56]

Hi Mike:

I have a sponsor who is now a foster mom (with her own kid). She doesn't seem to have time for me anymore. I call her & get an answering machine, when I do talk to her, the kids are sometimes in the background asking her for stuff, then her hubby will call, she'll call me back and she does. But I haven't been able to meet with her to do my steps. I'm stuck on my 7th and we were supposed to meet once a week for each step but that is not happening. On my 4th, I waited a month to finish it, not because of me, because she didn't have time just had gotten the new kid. Should I find another sponsor or is everyone like this? Do you have to ask a sponsor to squeeze you in? Is this normal? It is affecting my serenity because I am on a roller coaster anyway but this isn't helping. I have to call other people cause I can't get a hold of her unless I want to talk to a machine. Then the kids might hear it so I have to watch what I say.

[paulm]

sponsor's like anyone else can get too busy to help someone. if your sponsor isn't responsive it may be time to find another sponsor.

If I became to friendly with a person I determined to be my sponser it changed the dynamics of the relationship from someone who wants to hold me accountable to someone who'd rather hang with and joke with. I noticed they became less inclined to call me on my stuff, and I wasn't getting help staying clean and wasn't growing, when that happened I had to move on...

I've been told that a sponsor doesn't have to be my friend, and certainly isn't my banker or my marriage counselor. they are there to walk me through the steps. In holding them accountable if they become less available to guide me in my recovery, I need to tell them that they are not helping me right now and will be finding someone else who's able to guide me.
I hope this helps.

[BIG AL]

Ok let me tell you my expeience.You did a 4th step and a 5th step there are very specific instructions in the big book what we are to do.We go home we find a quite place we go over what we just did and if we left anything out,Becouse we are building a arc in we we are going to walk through a free man or women.If we can say I done the job we get on our knees and say the prayer in the book.the 7th step prayer you have done this you a done with step 7.No need to be stuck.Humbley asking him to remove our shortcomings is simply asking god to remove them.Ok now step 8 you take the list of people you have harmed add them to your resentments ,ist and you have the peope you have harmed list.ok step 9 is a maintanence step my first amend me and sponsor wrote it out and practiced it and then i did it.We did this a few times so I got the hang of it becouse we can do things when we make amends and mess things up more.like my first was I slashed a guys tires and My sponsor didnt just want me talk walk up and say I slashed your tires sorry.He wanted me in one breathe I slashed your tires and am here to make financial amends or however I can make up for it,You see that way he didnt just stand there and get mad and call cops but I could let him know I was there to pay or somethng.And that way maybe he didnt freakin hit me.10,11,12 all mainence steps After you do your 5th step you should be on about done with working step and need to live them and continue to take personal inventory seek god and work with others.Me and my sponsor make dates were we do this stuff and its not always easy The point is you are working and sounds like very willing to move on.I say set a date and do this stuff and dont drink.

[DavidNOLA]

I admit it can be confusing.
Especially if you listen to what is said about sponsors in the rooms like "You CAN ALWAYS call your sponsor if you need help." Other examples are out there but really don't need to be listed, do they?
So just realize that people cannot always support you like we would like them to.
In fact many of our illusions about how much others support us have hurt us in the past.
Just keep working the steps and keep talking to other alcoholics.
it's that simple.
Oh yeah, the daily 3rd step really helps too.

[dalin]

No-one is going to be there for me in every situation.
The first thing my sponsor did was to get me to build up a
recovery network of other folks with a year or more time in
recovery than I have.
He got me in the habit of calling at least 2 folks besides himself
every day,so I get the habbit of reaching out,and not putting all my
eggs in one basket.

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Originally Posted by mmarq56

Hi Mike:

I have a sponsor who is now a foster mom (with her own kid). She doesn't seem to have time for me anymore. I call her & get an answering machine, when I do talk to her, the kids are sometimes in the background asking her for stuff, then her hubby will call, she'll call me back and she does. But I haven't been able to meet with her to do my steps. I'm stuck on my 7th and we were supposed to meet once a week for each step but that is not happening. On my 4th, I waited a month to finish it, not because of me, because she didn't have time just had gotten the new kid. Should I find another sponsor or is everyone like this? Do you have to ask a sponsor to squeeze you in? Is this normal? It is affecting my serenity because I am on a roller coaster anyway but this isn't helping. I have to call other people cause I can't get a hold of her unless I want to talk to a machine. Then the kids might hear it so I have to watch what I say.

mmarq56,

If you haven't already done so I recommend you get another sponsor or find somebody who has time for you.