How do I respond - Inside and out?? :-)

[soulman]

Hi there

I was on this site about 4 months ago :-) Anyway, it was about someone who i was eeing alst yaer, who became my "ex". My dillema at the time was that we both go to dances outwith our home cities and there was a good chane we would see each other.

I did make a concious decision to not go to dances this year. Basically because I was all over he place. Splitting up with her and my father dying around about the same time. The first one hat i went back to was about last month (May). That was approximately 6 months since we split (not that I was conciously trying to stick to this period). I saw her again 2 weeks ago.

When i saw her then it was okay and we were civil and had a few dances . I did have ocassion however on that night to feel she was taking the piss when she came over to my table (she may have got nudged there by other dancers) and seemed!! to be dancing in front of me. As someone said after, she will dance where she wants. Best to just get up and dance with someone else.

So, was at a dance last night in her home city. I knew there was a good chance I would see her. I was around quite a few people that I knew from my ciy who had travelled down. I made a concious decision that 1. I wasnt going to dance with. Now dont get me wrong. Even after all the crap that i felt i put myself through with her and tolerating stuff where I felt my power was sucked out of me.......I still have feelings for her. Maybe just human eh? 2. I hardly looked over at the half of the dancehall she was in in case of seeing her. I suppose kind of protecting myself. I had loads of dances with others and I am :-) a good dancer.

The facts are she didnt ask me to dance either last night.To be honest we both love dancing with each other and (I dont know) I can only presume she felt the same way.
So, the end of the night came and she is sitting at a table right next to the exit. Im thinking "Oh ****" uncomfortable situation.what do I do here. i could really try and avoid contact with her when leaving or....walk towards the entrance and look at her and if she looks up we will see what the response is. So walks toward the entrance looked at her she looks at me and looks away and when passing her I heard her laugh at what seemed to be her friend. Maybe her way of dealing with it. Told my pal this and he said this is maybe me being paranoid.

Anyway, I did feel "sore" afterwards. Spoke to friend and thinking of e mailing her and saying to her that ...."whatever reasons we didnt dance with each other on saturday?........would be good if we could be civil and dance with each have a dance when we see each other". To be honest ideally she would be e mailing me. There is a 7 year diffrerence in ages (she is older) however I was the one that was the most adult throughout in the communication. However I feel that if this continues its going to be uncomfortable when we see each other.

Anyway, not sure if this thread is in the right place, if anyone will read it, and if they do I am hoping for some honesty and hope.

[notsure]

Hi soulman,
You sound like you've got a very tender heart! It also sounds like you still have a lot of feelings for this woman but wish you didn't. It sounds a bit like she's still struggling with it all too. I know it's really hard, but if you know it's never going to work you're better off not contacting her and just allowing the feelings to die out. They do eventually, but sometimes it takes a long time or meeting someone else for that to happen. It's awful to feel that "sore" feeling, I think we've all been there. My advice (for what it's worth because I'm def not a relationship queen) would be to just keep walking on by if you can. the hardest thing about the ending of relationships is that there is rarely any resolution. It took me a long time to accept that, but I think it's true because there's usually hurt feelings on both sides - or if there is resolution it doesn't come when you're still hurting but maybe a long time later when you can both actually talk to each other like human beings. Good luck! And look after your good heart xxx

[soulman]

Thanks not sure. You are very insightful. Got to go to my work so will be brief. I spoke to a couple of people yesterday after the dance. One option was to e mail her today and to say something along the lines of "hope we can dance in te future.....". Another was, "you have no need to contact her...let it go". I am going with the latter. THANKYOU. nOT EASY, BUT THE BEST WAY. About looking after ourselves. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to reply notsure.

[flick]

I did read your share, but didn't feel I had anything to offer, I just want to wish you all the best and pray you are able to move on through this with some ease and peace.