Weekly Recovery Meeting Topic ~Complacency 6/28-7/4

[Starlight]

For this weeks' topic I would like to hear members talk about what they do to avoid complacency in their recovery.

I know for me, complacency can be a real stumbling block.
Over 10 years ago I lost a 2-3 year smoking quit because I ceased to honor the dedication & effort I had initially put into it. I found myself thinking thoughts like "what does it matter"...."nobody takes notice that I quit anymore"...."what would be the big deal if I had one or two??" Those thoughts started playing over & over in my head until I started to believe them. It wasn't long after that became my normal mindset, that the romanticizing of smoking again took front & center stage... a full blown relapse occurred soon after.
It took many years to finally quit again, and one year after being nicotine-free, I quit drinking. For the last 3 years I have been in recovery from these two addictions, and am finally beginning to feel comfortable living clean.
But I start to wonder.... do I have what it takes to make this stick for life? Will I get complacent about my sober life and not see the warning signs??
I feel like I am entering a new stage of my sobriety... I really want to make sure I keep a solid footing & keep moving forward...

Any suggestions on how we can keep our quits fresh, precious & green???

[sioux]

Great topic.

Complacency...a feeling, and yet I decided to look it up just for kicks:

–noun, plural -cies. 1. a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc.

Not too far off the mark as I considered it as "resting on our laurels" but the statement of "often while unaware of some potential danger, defect...." that is powerfully descriptive!

I think the most important thing I do, or don't do, is not hanging out with people that use and drink. Among other things, I am going to keep to this point on the big topic.

I have seen a lot of folks lately that are so gung ho on helping others that are chronically relapsing instead of helping those that are gung ho on getting sober and getting into recovery. And damned if they aren't relapsing themselves.

I don't spend time in this arena because I am fully aware by observation that this is a potentially dangerous situation for me. I remember where I came from, and I do what's required because I don't want to go back to that. I remember my alcoholism is a "subtle foe" and it manifests in many ways. My sponsor helps me to see those "many ways."

I guard my sobriety date, I author my own story, I value my emotional recovery, I appreciate the gifts and all the people in my life today. It ain't the greatest life ever lived and few will remember me when I pass, but right here, right now, G-d is presently directing me because I ask for guidance and awareness as I participate in my own recovery.

[Starlight]

–noun, plural -cies. 1. a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc.

Not too far off the mark as I considered it as "resting on our laurels" but the statement of "often while unaware of some potential danger, defect...." that is powerfully descriptive!

You are so right...that is a powerful description, hits right to the core. When described like that, I can easily imagine how our addiction beast would love to drape us with the cloak of complacency, pretending to comfort us... but in reality, setting us up to be unaware of its new plan of attack.

I think the most important thing I do, or don't do, is not hanging out with people that use and drink.

My sobriety mentor calls hanging out in drinking situations & with drinkers, a "negative reservation". Meaning, that we are setting ourselves up for a future relapse. It can start out innocently...just hanging out for a little while with your old drinking buddies, but not drinking yourself. Then you think to yourself "hey, that went okay... didn't even miss having a drink & got to be with all my old friends". As time goes by, you find yourself hanging out more with that crowd, and you feel you have this alcohol thing kicked since you can still be with all your old friends & still not drink. Complacency sets in.
Then one day, you've had one of those really "bad days"....you go to your usual hangout just to be with friends...you feel the day weighing very heavy on your shoulders....when the bartender hands you your usual club soda, you say "put a little vodka in that, will ya George?".
This all came to be, because months (maybe even years) ago, you set yourself up with a negative reservation... a reservation in your name, waiting for you, ... no matter when you arrive.

I guard my sobriety date, I author my own story, I value my emotional recovery, I appreciate the gifts and all the people in my life today. It ain't the greatest life ever lived and few will remember me when I pass, but right here, right now, G-d is presently directing me because I ask for guidance and awareness as I participate in my own recovery.

Perfectly said. Thank you for sharing that. :)

[janbear]

Good topic Starlight Complacency has led me back to using before. I quit doing basics i learned early on. I wasnt going to meetings because i thought long term clean time meant i could not go for awhile and still be ok. I was very wrong, for me anyway. I need and want the company of recovering people. NA literature mentions that Complacency is the enemy of those who have clean awhile. In light of my own experience, i found that to be a true statement. I stopped talking to my sponsor and became very apathetic to all. Working with others who want help, helps keep it fresh for me. I went over stepwork with my Sponsor this past weekend at a NA campout. I am better today about recognizing when complacency starts to creep in. Thanks again for the topic

[clean42day]

I agree great topic: and one sentence that I can completely relate to is:

I ask for guidance and awareness as I participate in my own recovery

Participating in my own recovery is key. I don't go to many meetings anymore since year 3 - but I participate in my own recovery at least 2-3 hours everyday. it is a habit and second nature now - I do it without thinking - just as automatic as breathing.

It is the first thing I do in the morning when I wake up and the last thing I do before I go to bed. I read recovery related literature every single day in some form or another.....talk to close friends who have long term recovery every day and call my sponsor at least 2x per week just to check in.

I have my own sponsee's who keep me on my toes to make sure I am passing along accurate information found in the books....and the most important thing is that I remian grateful and pray and stay connected to God.

Have I become complacent in my meeting attendance? by other people's standards yes....by mine NO. I have found many online recovery meeting sources....and I go to a face to face meeting about 6x's a year.

I have found one of the most important aspects of the 12 step programs....is that we find a balance in what works for us. As Janbear said - she found meeting attendance to be key for her.....I find online recovery to work for me and it is available at anytime...all the time....and no father than next to my bed.

Don't get me wrong either.....I Know what to do when I suspect my stinking thinking might be raising iti's ugly head.....my biggest warning sign that complacency is setting in is "resistance". I go straight back to the roots of my foundation - I immediatly reach out for help....up my f2f meeting attendance....call my sponsor more....and work live and breathe the steps.

I don't think it is healthy to generalize "complacency" into one big term like one size fits all....each of us "know" what level of activity is healthy for us - and complacent for us individually.....

you can call one persons recovery program complacent and it may be high maintenance for them...and visa versa. I don't think it is my job to make a judgment call on someone unless I am directly standing in thier shoes.

it doesn't benefit me to work or label anyone else's "program" - it only benefits me when I work my own. I just have found a recipee that works really well for me....and if one day it isn't enough - then I get to change it and roll with the flow.

Great topic - and thanks for letting me share.

light and love

Gail

[skyhook]

Off and on over the last few years, I have been looking for a book someone loaned to me many moons ago (too bad I returned it :)). Despite my best Google keywording, I could not find this great little gem. Its a book with hand drawn, color pictures, large binder in a classic story tellers presentation and a real page turner as it unites biological fact with dramatic plot lines. I want it to remind myself of its truths and to make it an annual read to my grandchildren.

During a church service Sunday evening, it came to my mind (out of no where) and one more time I had that itch to look for it again. Kinda like that feeling you got when you lost your little brother at the park, and even though you've looked and looked, and its time for dinner, you know you can't go home without him,,,cause mom will be pissed...:)

Anyway, this time when I Googed for it, I caught it on the first cast, no less...its so old, its like 8 bucks or something, so I'm happy and will start ordering copies tomorrow. First thing in the morning before you all go off and hog it.

The writer starts out by describing in vivid detail the wonder and beauty of the created eagle, through the eyes of a father eagle who goes out every day to search for food for its nestlings and mother eagle. From the incredible vision it posesses for scouting great distances, the chemistry and systematic order of the feathers applied to the wings to make flight seem so effortless, the effective and deadly talons and its incredible strength and stamina to fly great distance...our hero is truly a marvel designed radically efficient to meet all of its needs.

The setting is a picturesque background of blue skies, rockwall canyons and caves (perfect for eagling nests), treelines that chase the horizon, and fast moving streams that teem with the fish who provide the basic sustenance for our friend and the nest who relies on him.

The eagle, being perfectly equipped, spends each day soaring high above his provision, sometimes spotting an unsuspecting field mice or a tempting trout, engaging all of its biological resource and instinct into one fundamental purpose.... Seek food. Conquer food. Deliver food...(rinse and repeat). Its daily mission, coupled with its physical attributes and with a majestic canvas as its background is a thing of wonder and beauty.

The trapper, who lays off in the shadows, knows all too well that catching this marvelous creature will not be easy. He has spent years watching and has spent countless more listening to the stories of those who have gone before him. Stories that weave the secret to capturing such a noble one as the eagle. The trapper, must be patient. Convincing this eagle to surrender its freedom will not happen quickly, because the stakes are too high. But the trapper is patient.

The daily offering of fresh fish, laid out on the perfect river rock for landing on (and for concealing the trapper just off to the side, in the darkness, behind the folage), is a simple nuisance for weeks,,,the eagle undaunted in its mission, sharp in its uneasiness of the oddity, yet growing more curious each passing day, as the perceived offering of free sustenance is set out each morning.

Maybe that particular day, the weather was rugged, or the eagle was tired, or the offering looked particulary satisfying, but on this day, and after weeks of ignoring it,,,the eagle "captures" the offering. NO fuss, no muss and feeds its family. A need that had been met previously, simply by responsibly engaging the natural resource and purpose it was designed for...was now being given to him, apparently with no other price to pay than just showing up and collecting. The seeds of laziness were sown.

After a few weeks of the hypnotic routine being played out over and over, the eagle had now become complacent. The time spent soaring and owning the magnificant "neighborhood of his father" had now devolved to a nuisance short flight; an appointment with a rock and the now familiar "free" offering. The once majestic and grand display of the eagles purpose being in perfect harmony with need, was now reduced to ritualistic, blind obedience to its new master.

The trapper simply offered to meet a legitimate need, in a illegitimate way...and was patient.

My legitmate needs are real and vital and demand work and oversight, consistant attention and resource... all of which I have been given in abundance. Maybe the need to eat, or be loved, or to love, or recieve/ provision, or for acceptance, or for worthiness, or for shelter, or for rest, or for protection, or for _________.

Peace, and thanks for a poignant topic.

[Joplinfrk]

This is a great topic and one that hits home for me something fierce. I hit the one year mark in January and after that, I fell victim to the, "oh, I have it down..I don't really need to attend so many meetings OR call my sponsor every day". Guess what? The only thing I didn't do was actually pick up. I wasn't living a sober life. After much soul searching, I changed home groups, found a new sponsor (not having one really made me feel like I was out there flapping in the breeze) and got a new commitment that starts tomorrow.
I can not stress enough how important it is for this addict to stay connected to the program. If I'm not, I "float away" and my will takes over. When I first came to the rooms someone once said that if you can answer these questions, there is no way you will fail:
What is your home group?
Who is your sponsor?
What step are you on?
What is your commitment?

I focus on those and that is what keeps me from getting "soft".

[CD BUCKBERRY]

Complacecy,That is a dangerous place for addicts and alcoholics a like.If you get to complacent you get so you think you don't need meetings,you start thinking wrong.I myself have been in that kind of spot lately.I know to call my sponsor as often as I can.I also do service in my home group being a GSR,and a Regional Committee Member in my Area I belong to.But still there is that thin line their between staying clean and using and going out and being active again.Very Dangerous place to visit.

[skyhook]

http://www.amazon.com/Eagle-story-In...dp/091688807X#