I prayed for strength and got 200$ - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

LostedTeezY · 07-17-2006, 04:53 AM

Today was different, except I did'nt stay clean. So hows that different you ask? Well being free of all worries give you more time to either make worries, or stress yourself on the ones you already have. Well being stressed that I had no money no weed no feeling of happiness, I resorted to going to my boyfriends who is also a druggie but trys to denie the facts.(moving on). I took him to get weed. And drove about 15miles and then wondered.... Now to get high i have to hang with someone i don't want to be with cause the relationship is built on lies and blankets of smoke, they fade but the problem does'nt. I prayed for strength to be myself .Well He came back , so i was pulling out and then this car was stopped at a speed bump, I waited for the car to move, then predictable backed right into my rood. It was basically bent. I was enraged by the moment. I ended up getting out as the woman that hit my car walked to me , I gave her the look of the devil I was so mad, and pissed that this had interupted my night. I took some time to gather myself. I walked back to the cars parked , Then I ask the lady, Are you drunk high what? She said, exuse me . I then was confronted with the promice she would pay me and get my name and be on her way. I replied hell no im gonna call the cops . She said, Im a single mother my premium will go up, Give me a brake, she stated. I prayed for strength not to get skied. Then I was two seconds later confronted with a bargain. Money not two call the cops as two guts were pushing on the hood trying to fix the damage. I was raging as I worried what my parents will say and what to do with the money. Money seemed the answer right then the path to take. two hhundred dollars up front. I left money in hand. Now All i wanted to do was get skied cause i had the money and knew I could. Although everything I think is not doing it to then fail myself. I fail so many people with the life I live . I Can share the emotions it brings and then watch me waste the thought in the happy hope and wisdom it destroys for the seconds restored in powder piles. Im at the end of this road and im writing this stiffing and telling myself its possible to do the rest and never touch it again. . . . . . . . . . I feel crazy!!! Im not just desparete for freedom that seems so close but so overwelming and reality I cant face is always marked on the map. I know this much. Whats wronge with me I dont want to end up killing years of life and, making it more difficult to find ME. Please tell me that all this is normal behavior of active drug users please help me reason that at 18 I can recover and be smart and not feel mentally challenged at facing and controling this disease that affects me. Is it easier living clean? Can I really be happy? Im now done, I have no coke left. I will now start the path and cycle I let control me cause im scared to be the real me and scared i want be accepted. I admire the strength and courage that addicts have to just survive today and faith that no obsticle is impossible. "I just read what I wrote for the last 3hours20mins I wasted. But maybe gained. I let myself go" Like a flower im so ugly until I bud. then hope of a beautiful grace that you are drawn to unespectedly appears" Moments that your soul is so alive. With time things will grow. I began the first message telling everyone that It's been forever since I had the internet, Well Im kinda enjoying typing . It's late im out!!!

Doraine · 07-17-2006, 06:21 PM

Yes your life will be better if you get clean. The chaos you write about can only get worse. You can get clean now before you get arrested or worse. It's up to you.

07-17-2006, 04:53 AM	#1
LostedTeezY Newcomer Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 2	I prayed for strength and got 200$ Today was different, except I did'nt stay clean. So hows that different you ask? Well being free of all worries give you more time to either make worries, or stress yourself on the ones you already have. Well being stressed that I had no money no weed no feeling of happiness, I resorted to going to my boyfriends who is also a druggie but trys to denie the facts.(moving on). I took him to get weed. And drove about 15miles and then wondered.... Now to get high i have to hang with someone i don't want to be with cause the relationship is built on lies and blankets of smoke, they fade but the problem does'nt. I prayed for strength to be myself .Well He came back , so i was pulling out and then this car was stopped at a speed bump, I waited for the car to move, then predictable backed right into my rood. It was basically bent. I was enraged by the moment. I ended up getting out as the woman that hit my car walked to me , I gave her the look of the devil I was so mad, and pissed that this had interupted my night. I took some time to gather myself. I walked back to the cars parked , Then I ask the lady, Are you drunk high what? She said, exuse me . I then was confronted with the promice she would pay me and get my name and be on her way. I replied hell no im gonna call the cops . She said, Im a single mother my premium will go up, Give me a brake, she stated. I prayed for strength not to get skied. Then I was two seconds later confronted with a bargain. Money not two call the cops as two guts were pushing on the hood trying to fix the damage. I was raging as I worried what my parents will say and what to do with the money. Money seemed the answer right then the path to take. two hhundred dollars up front. I left money in hand. Now All i wanted to do was get skied cause i had the money and knew I could. Although everything I think is not doing it to then fail myself. I fail so many people with the life I live . I Can share the emotions it brings and then watch me waste the thought in the happy hope and wisdom it destroys for the seconds restored in powder piles. Im at the end of this road and im writing this stiffing and telling myself its possible to do the rest and never touch it again. . . . . . . . . . I feel crazy!!! Im not just desparete for freedom that seems so close but so overwelming and reality I cant face is always marked on the map. I know this much. Whats wronge with me I dont want to end up killing years of life and, making it more difficult to find ME. Please tell me that all this is normal behavior of active drug users please help me reason that at 18 I can recover and be smart and not feel mentally challenged at facing and controling this disease that affects me. Is it easier living clean? Can I really be happy? Im now done, I have no coke left. I will now start the path and cycle I let control me cause im scared to be the real me and scared i want be accepted. I admire the strength and courage that addicts have to just survive today and faith that no obsticle is impossible. "I just read what I wrote for the last 3hours20mins I wasted. But maybe gained. I let myself go" Like a flower im so ugly until I bud. then hope of a beautiful grace that you are drawn to unespectedly appears" Moments that your soul is so alive. With time things will grow. I began the first message telling everyone that It's been forever since I had the internet, Well Im kinda enjoying typing . It's late im out!!!

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07-17-2006, 06:21 PM	#2
Doraine Trusted Servant Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Lansford, PA Posts: 1,308	Yes your life will be better if you get clean. The chaos you write about can only get worse. You can get clean now before you get arrested or worse. It's up to you.