False Humility - Step 7

[janbear]

In the past, many of us developed techniques to escape the wrath of others. One convenient method was to take full blame for everything that happened in our past relationships, no matter how much blame may not have been ours.

We found this to be an excellent defense because, to a degree, it deflected the other person' s anger, disappointment or criticism. By presenting ourselves as defenseless and vulnerable, it made it almost impossible for others to persist in their accusations. Most people find it difficult to hit someone who's already down.

But Step Seven clearly instructs us to let go of all these phony postures and artifices. We do this by learning to operate on a level where we not only acknowledge all our weaknesses and liabilities, but also no longer plead false modesty in denying those strengths, talents and assets with which we are endowed. We neither demean nor diminish our strengths, nor parade them in a boastful fashion. We do not deny our shortcomings or constantly draw attention to them. Our starting point is a realistic assessment of our current status.

A genuine and balanced humility is my strength.

-From Step by Step

[free2bunme]

Originally Posted by janbear

In the past, many of us developed techniques to escape the wrath of others. One convenient method was to take full blame for everything that happened in our past relationships, no matter how much blame may not have been ours. We found this to be an excellent defense because, to a degree, it deflected the other person' s anger, disappointment or criticism. By presenting ourselves as defenseless and vulnerable, it made it almost impossible for others to persist in their accusations. Most people find it difficult to hit someone who's already down.

But Step Seven clearly instructs us to let go of all these phony postures and artifices. We do this by learning to operate on a level where we not only acknowledge all our weaknesses and liabilities, but also no longer plead false modesty in denying those strengths, talents and assets with which we are endowed. We neither demean nor diminish our strengths, nor parade them in a boastful fashion. We do not deny our shortcomings or constantly draw attention to them. Our starting point is a realistic assessment of our current status.

Thank you for this post. It definitely describes me. I have learned to say "I am sorry" over and over again, often when I really think I have nothing to apologize for in the first place -- specifically in my relationships with my parents and my boyfriends. It is my long standing solution in order to escape confrontation, which makes me very uneasy and uncomfortable and scared. It has seemed to be the "easiest" thing to do, although in the long run it is not easy at all because it keeps me trapped in false relationships. This is the biggest struggle that I have faced in recovery. I have gotten better, but I still have a long way to go. I get very afraid of risking anger from the people I love due to my deep fears of abandonment. Ultimately, I know that it is a matter of me trusting God to be LARGE enough and LOVING enough to give me everything that I need. I WANT to have that level of trust in God. Some days I do. Other days I struggle with staying in my own will. All I can do is continue to pray and continue to put one foot in front of the other. Thanks for listening.