scared, confused, elated, all at once

[homer4]

First, let me say that I have been married to an alcoholic for 2 years. He is now in a rehabilitation program, run by a doctor who is very pioneering and has great success with addicts of many different types of substances. Of course, I am elated by this, and so proud of him for choosing to take this step. He is doing very well, but I can't help but worry about him relapsing. Of greater concern to me is that he will come to the realization that since he was drinking when he met me, dated, me and married me, he doesn't really love me or want to be married to me. I know this probably sounds bizzarre, and maybe I'm just insecure or paranoid, but I can't help but wonder. I also am starting to wonder if I really even know him. Who is the real person, when you take away the alcoholic? I know that alcoholic will always be a part of him, but does the question still make any sense? I am kind of rambling here, but I am trying to put my thoughts down and maybe receive some feedback and/or support.

Thanks.

Hi homer4
I am cassie, grateful recovering alcoholic. My date of sobriety (dos) is September 2000. It is wonderful to hear that the person you care about has chosen the road to recovery.

Have you ever heard of al-anon? The support group for families and friends of alcoholics. Also, The Big Book of AA (which is on-line here) discusses what happens after recovery begins. The book is well-tested and has proven time and again a source of strength and hope for those whose lives are harmed through alcoholism. Narcotics Anonymous has a parallel program that has helped many, many recover to gain a new start.

I believe that in many formal recovery situations, a relapse prevention plan is developed prior to the person leaving recovery. This helps establish realistic goals for after care. Things do change when one partner goes through this process. The results depend heavily on open, honest communication with those involved.

After that long winded post, welcome to the group. The members are willing to help when they can and are asked. I hope you keep coming back and it helps you in the days ahead.

friend in recovery
cassie

[Peggyannvt]

Hi! Homer4. Now is the time to start working on your own recovery.

Because of my dis ease, I chose to marry an Alcoholic. As I working on my own recovery, I became a different person myself. The serenity Prayer says I can only change myself.

If you work on yourself, through using the 12 steps of AA, you will know that you can not control or change or cure another person. Stay in today and start your own 12 step program

I'm glad I did
LOVE
Peggyann

[homer4]

[quote=Because of my dis ease, I chose to marry an Alcoholic. As I working on my own recovery, I became a different person myself. The serenity Prayer says I can only change myself.

If you work on yourself, through using the 12 steps of AA, you will know that you can not control or change or cure another person. Stay in today and start your own 12 step program

[/QUOTE]

By this do you mean co-dependence or that type of thing? Is there a twelve step program for that? Because I do not drink or use drugs. I may be a little needy or insecure, though. I feel much more positive tonight. I think I was just extremely emotional last night and feeling the effects of everything we have gone through....the past few years have been tough, but I think the stress of him going through the rehab program got to me even more, probably doesn't make much sense but that's what I'm figuring now.
Thanks!

[janbear]

Hi homer4, I am Jan, recovering alcoholic/addict. Would like to share a little of myself with you. When my husband and i met in 1983, i was very much into my addiction, he sobered up before i did and asked me to marry him, we got married. I did get into recovery and went to inpatient in 1988. Though the alcohol affected me greatly i still loved him very much, i do know i personally was afraid he would leave me, but he never did. I began meetings and my entire life changed, he changed right along with me. I believe thats why we are still together. I do know that he went to some alanon meetings and that helped him greatly. The program teaches that Alcoholism is a family disease, it affects everyone involved in one way or another. AA and NA help me, Alanon has helped him. My hubby had fears about me, and i equally had fears about him and we were able to work through them together.

My hope is that my share may bring some hope to you and your situation. Relationships do change but it is not always in a negative way, mine was very positive.