Changing Patterns......

[clean42day]

Walk In Dry Places - Aug 4 - Change Our Patterns

Treating loved ones worse than strangers.
Personal Relations

Some of us grew up with resentments about the way our families treated us. It was confusing to notice how nice our parents could be toward strangers and then how abruptly they could become abusive toward us.

The best release for this kind of resentment is forgiveness, but we should also ask ourselves if we're guilty of the same faults. Are we discourteous and inconsiderate toward our own children and family members? Do we apologize when we offend strangers, but not when we hurt our own children?

We should try to treat everyone with fairness and kindness. No family member should be subjuected to our incessant criticism and rudeness. We owe them the same courtesies we extend to strangers.

If I've had bad examples of abusive treatment in my own early years, I'll change the pattern by treating my own family with fairness and kindness, starting today.
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This is a good reminder of how to stay in the solution. even though I cannot change my role models of the past....I can choose to break my own patterns and not role model that behavior to others in my life. That is how I take responsibility for my recovery today.....focus on the changes I can make and then be accountable for amends when I repeat a pattern. simply saying I am not like my parents and don't have the same character defects....is not enough....I must explore the subtle ways my behvior mirrors theirs and in that admission alone I have shown willingness to change too.

I will remember today....that critisism,shame and guilt has never moved me forward, and it is not likely to work on others either.

inspiration, encouragement, and attraction works much better.

Hope everyone has a great day in recovery...it is a choice

[flickchic]

I will remember today....that critisism,shame and guilt has never moved me forward, and it is not likely to work on others either.

We should try to treat everyone with fairness and kindness.

Please God help me to remember to "do unto others as I would have done to me"

[fibiray]

Amen to that. I guess there have been some patterns that I have had to work on over the years. Anger has been a biggie because I tend to over react to things. I have been fortunate though because my own childhood had been one where I was scapegoated on a lot. I have always been honest with my son and have explained things to him for why I over react and get angry. Over the past X amount of years thing have improved significantly and from day one I have always apologised for wrongs done. This was important to me because my family particularly my mother never took responsibility for the wrong they did and I know how I felt. So I made a point from the day my son was born to admit when I was wrong and to say sorrry. There are still things that I need to work on but by comparison things are nowhere as they were. By being open and honest with my son it gave him an understanding of me and laid down the foundations for a stronger relationship to develop. thats me

[Peggyannvt]

You bring tears to my eyes and

Thank you