Feelings the First Few Days/Weeks

[pi_seas]

Thank you all for responding to my previous posts. I am Pi and I am an alcoholic. I have a question: During the first several days/weeks after you admitted you have a problem, does everything make you depressed or sad? In my particular case, there is one thing that has REALLY depressed me. It may sound strange but it is music. I love music. I loved it even more when I was drinking. I would turn on music and just get lost in it. As a matter of fact, much of the music I own was purchased either while drunk/drinking or in anticipation of getting drunk or drinking. Now, I can't even bear to listen to the music in my collection and for some albums I can't even bear to see them sitting on my shelf. Is this a common reaction to activities that you found yourself enjoying more so while drunk than sober?

No, that doesn't sound crazy and yes it is normal. But don't worry, you have not lost your music forever. Right now you are still very close to your seperation from your addiction. What you are experiencing is call a trigger. The negative feeling and thoughts of your disease are still very connected to your music.
In my first AA meeting, I cried and said that I felt like I just lost my best friend. They told me that yes, I had just lost my best friend. It was a grieving process that I had to go through. It's perfectly natural. For about three months or so, I had to avoid the things my 'best friend' and I had done together. It just brought up my grief and feelings of loss. I really suggest avoiding those things until you have done a fourth step. Your forth step will help cut the emotional ties to the old life.
I have also always been very emotionally connected to music. So, at first, I had to seperate myself from the music that took my mind back to my disease. I found new songs that I had not used during my using. I also sought out movie or TV that gave me a possitive feeling. Possitiveness, just like negative(ness) are very contagious. So, surround yourself with all the possitive people and things you can right now. Borrow strength from them and when you are ready, you can start facing and rearanging the old negatives.
As you grow in and through the program, you will not be seperated forever from all things in the past. You will, over time, develope new and healthier ties to them, both the good and the bad. So hang in there and just give yourself some time. Your music will come back to you, and one day, even the experiences that they represent will be okay.
Love ya, keep coming back. This program taught me how to stop drinking and that was great. But today, it keeps teaching me happier and healthier ways to live and THAT is what I REALLY needed.


Kai

[Doraine]

When I was in early recovery some people had difficulty doing things they used to do while drinking. I remember one woman had difficulty sewing because she used to drink while she sewed. Mine was cooking. The first time I made lasagna sober it took about an hour. It used to take all afternoon while drinking. Most of us were able to go back to habits and hobbies in a few months. I remember dancing for the first time sober was uncomfortable but I went with other sober people which made it better.Perhaps the music you chose while drinking was depressing. Just a thought. You may have to skip the music for awhile until you're sober longer. Hope this has been helpful.

[admin]

Hi Pi, I have the same thing with music. Sometimes when I hear music that I use to listen to when I was drinking the old memories comes back. I don't listen to much of that music anymore. I also use to cook on the grill all of the time when drinking and I stopped that when I sobered up. I have cooked on it twice in the last over 6 years since I got sober. I think what you are experiencing is very common amongst all of us.

[janbear]

Pi, like others i am very connected to my music as well. I found a love for music in early life and i felt it took me away. It wasn't until i got into recovery that i realized how depressing that music was. Living the program brought differenet kinds of music into my life now and i love listening to it.It speaks to me, a lot of it is spiritual now. But i still enjoy a little rock and pop now and again As you grow in recovery and work the steps you will find new music to love perhaps. Hang in there

[Misselle]

I kind of felt the same way, except it was about my movies. Take everything you said about music and apply it to movies and it could be me talking. I also got over it eventually, but it did take some time. Fr me, it took awhile to disassociate movies with drinking, but once I was able to break that mental connection it finally went away.

I can definitely relate. Mine was watching football. Realizing the beer commercials would probably trigger me, I decided not to watch games (even my fav. team ) after I got sober. But now, I am ok and the sadness is replaced with real appreciation for such a great sport.

[zoomie]

I was that way too with my house cleaning. I'd wait til all the kids where in bed,then I'd drink and clean house. It's still hard for me to clean the house and I miss the days when I could zoom through and catch a buzz,but now I clean the house (not as well I'm afraid LOL) in the morning. No more night jams for me.

[admin]

zoomie your post reminded me - I would start out cleaning the house and drinking and then wind up doing alot of drinking and getting drunk and not much house cleaning.

[b4angeleyes]

Hello PI, and welcome, I am a recovering drug addict. I have back problems and was on pain meds for that and one thing led to another and one pain pill every 4 to 6 hours got to be 2 every 4 to 6 hours then 2 every 4 hours and at first it was for the pain then it got to be alot of times just to get away from problems and that feeling good ( I thought ) I felt like I could do anything while on the pills I could clean house I like to do alot of crafts sew, paint, draw alot of things. I am on day 21 clean and it has not been easy and at first I didn't want to do anything. I don't know if you have ever been through depression or not I have battled it on and off most of my adult life I'm not on anything for it now but getting off the pills was like when I would go through depression I would and still do have days I have to make and I mean MAKE myself get up and do something becaused all the things I like to do I did before I ever used pills and did them maybe better than I ever did on the pills. Just take it one day at a time. I know I have to start my day asking the good Lord to help me but I also have to I guess like pep talk myself and PI your worth it I know you can do it and this site has been such a blessing to me. I hope it will be to you also. God Bless