Saying NO >>>>>>>>>>> !

[clean42day]

Know When To Say No

Saying no is another way of saying when.
For some of us, the hardest word in the
language to speak is the short, simple word no.
Instead of saying no, we toil on.
What will he think if I say no?
Mary won't be my friend if I don't do this.
The project won't get done unless I do it.
I'm not a team player when I say no.
A good Christian needs to sacrifice himself. Saying no is selfish.
And the list goes on.
We abuse ourselves, take on more than we want, and find ourselves bitter and
resentful.
And we've done it to ourselves.

Know your limits.
Know when to say no.
There may be a few people who are offended by the limits that you set,
but usually those are the ones trying to control or manipulate you.
Some well-meaning colleagues may tell you that you're being selfish,
but your ultimate responsibility is to yourself.
That responsibility includes knowing how and when to set limits.

Look at your schedule.
Are you so overloaded or booked that you can't see
when you could have any time for fun,
relaxing, or your own personal growth?
It may be time for you to start setting limits.
Remember, you get to decide what's best for you.

Learn to say no and stand by your choice.

God, help me to have the strength to set reasonable limits
for myself and to tell others when I cannot help them.
Help me learn to say no.

Melody Beattie

[fibiray]

Wow what a powerful reading and certainly pertinent to me. I am just finding my footing in relation to saying no. I always suffer guilt once I have said no. "But ultimately the responsibility is to yourself," amen to that, I must take this on board. Somethings I will do and somethings I won't do but this comes down to my own choosing. If I feel that I am obligated to do something then quite possibly the other person is playing a guilt trip or a mind game and then i denfinitely need to say no. It is a real journey that I am on and I am learning a lot about myself when i do say no. More importantly it also empowers me when i say no as it gives me the courage that I once never had.

[flickchic]

I believe there is only one person I still have trouble saying no to...."no I really don't wish to do that"......otherwise I have learnt over the years to say no when I feel I cannot do something for somebody else. I used to be such a people pleaser I couldn't say no...until I became overwhelmed with so much I had no choice left!!!!....and yes I often felt very guilty when I began to say 'no'.....nowdays if I feel it necc I will give an explanation, but not one filled with guilt. Funny thing when I read this thread, the first thing that came to mind was how easily children say no!!!...for them it is one of the easiest words in the English language!!!!......I had quite a 'classic case' last night....one little boy didn't want soup for dinner and I didn't just get 'no', I got NO NO NOOOO!!!!! oh yes, he certainly knows his mind....and has no qualms sharing it!!! LOL......and something tells me he would not be experiencing any guilt in telling me no!!...just thought I'd share that!!

I am able to say no to M when I'm feeling ok, I know how to do so appropriately and with love, however when things are a bit 'rocky', I guess I become the people pleaser again and fiind it very hard....trouble is the rebound of this can be resentment and we all know of that acid effect!!!!.....

If I feel that I am obligated to do something then quite possibly the other person is playing a guilt trip or a mind game and then i denfinitely need to say no.

There may be a few people who are offended by the limits that you set,
but usually those are the ones trying to control or manipulate you.

yes this I have come across with my ex; I do say no to him when I feel I need to however I certainly do get on that guilt trip for a little bit; however there are huge issues of control and manipulation there still; he offers me extra time with the kids; i.e I will say I am going to be in Perth for whatever reasons and he will try and get me to remain longer to spend more time with the kids.....and I KNOW it is not purely out of his generosity.....I will say no, I have time limits, other things planned also, he will not leave it there however and I will have to reinforce my answer, I do end up feeling that guilt....not as much as I used to however it can be there......oh well, working on it!!!!

Yes Fi it certainly is empowering when we are able to say no, without the guilt trip!!!!!.....

Good thread Gail, thank's.