...But Now I See

[pi_seas]

I can't believe it. I thought that the things I felt were abnormal or the result of major depression. I have never been able to put a name to the way I feel. Apparently, there is a whole population of people out there that feel the same way I do. It is so comforting and is a relief. I do not believe I am an alcoholic, although I used to drink on a fairly regular basis. By reading about the characteristics of ACoA and taking stock of my own life and behaviors it ocurred to me that this was the problem I was dealing with.

My biggest problem was uneasiness around people and overextending myself. When I did those things I would drink to calm down. Needless to say, I had begun to go down the slippery slope that could lead to Alcoholism.

However, after finding this site and the ACoA forum I came to realize that first and foremost I am not alone in my battles with the inner demons that plague all ACoA's. Secondly, I realized that drinking is most definitely not the answer.

Although I do not believe I am alcoholic, I do believe that I need ACoA recovery and as part of the recovery process, I do not need to drink at all. For drinking clouds the judgement and inhibits the mind from distinguishing what is the reality of the problem and what is the illusion of the problem. Thank you cyberrecovery for providing this valuable resource. I will be back often.

[fibiray]

Hi there Pi-seas thanks for sharing. I am an alcoholic and found that alcohol was a means of coping with the dysfunction of growing up in an alcoholic home. Although I drank because I was an alcoholic not because of my home life. I had struggle for many years after getting sober because I did not know what the symptoms were for acoa. Once I learnt this it almost transformed my life entirely. I too felt uneasy around people, particularly authority figure. I never learn the basic things in life like setting up boundaries which left me exposed to all sorts of harms. I still lived with a lot of fear that prevented me from doing a lot of things and I spent most of my life believing that I was some sort of second class citizen. I learnt to doubt myself constantly and I was incredibly negative in my thoughts and feelings. Like you said identifying what those feeling were and where they came from was a biggie for me. I have never been able to handle confrontation too well or to defend or assert myself well because I struggle to identify feelings and to articulate them effectively. Keep coming back and share your experiences strengths and hopes, one day at a time.