Help ! This is ripping me appart ! Im very angry and upset.

[hunkychunky1]

Hi ! I am a 48 year old man. I have always known i was somehow different but i have struggled through life just thinking i was a kind loving gentle sensitive person with strong ethics and morals. Without realising it I have had the symptoms of Attention deficit disorder, Co Dependancy, all my life
I was brought up in a family with guilt shamer and secrets as my mother had had a child (my older sister out of wedlock) my father now 84 is also heavily Co Dependant. My mother died in jan this year of cancer. My sisters show signs of Co Dependancy also. I was unfortunately exposed to paint fumes and household chemicals as a child and was severely Asthmatic I am also now chemically sensitive. (symptoms of M.E / chronic fatigue) as i believe that i have a weakened auto immune system. My concentration and focus problems sabotaged my school and careers as i made constant errors in my work. ( i seem more than ever now to have learning difficulties.)
After a change in direction regarding work and with less stress i found a new confidence. In 1986 after three years of dating a girl i got married.
She was an adopted only child and my Co Dependancy kicked in as i felt
pity for her. She was very needy jealous and controlling but i just wanted to make her happy. I gave up my own identity just to please her and turned to
workaholism to make me happy. I became over responsible in that role as well
and worked myself into the ground. My employers manipulated , coersed ,and bullied me into doing work which was unethical and immoral and when i tried to resign they threatened me.in 1990 I had a mental breakdown which i believe now was complex post traumatic stress. It took me four years to recover from the resulting depression. For ages i wanted to get back to my former productive self but i eventually gave up trying as i no longer had the energy.My bodies immune and nervous system has gone down hill ever since.
and i have been unable to hold down a full time job. In 1999 my parents bought me a house to live in on the condition that i got in lodgers to help pay the morgage. One of these lodgers had severe anxiety and attention seeking problems andf as i dfid not want to make him suffer any more i tried to turn a blind eye to what was happening. He had unusual behaviour problems and would get very jealous and controlling by using attention seeking tantrums
and emotional outbursts. continued

[janbear]

Hello hunkychunky I am sorry you are in so much emotional distress. You certainly have alot on your plate. The search for serenity in my own life came about from finding the 12 step program to teach me how to live without my addictions. Many areas have Codependency Anonymous meetings. Maybe there is one in your area that if you want you can seek out.
I am sorry for the loss of your mom, i lost my father this past June so i understand your grief. Please keep coming back and sharing and maybe your anger will let up as you get it out. Many times just sharing our anger and frustration helps it ease off. Your feelings are ok. In our forum of ACOA there are several readings on codependency that maybe of some help for you. My prayers are much with you this morning hunkychunky

[Doraine]

Hi & welcome hunkychucky.

[zoomie]

Hi hunkychunky, welcome! You sure do have a lot going on. I don't have any advice,but just wanted to say hi!

[admin]

Hunkychunky, Glad to have you join us. Check out our Family and Friends of Alcoholics/ Addicts forum - http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/...splay.php?f=11 when you get a chance. There are some posts in that forum on CoDependency. BY all means. please keep coming back and sharing with us.

Your Friend In Recovery,
Tammy

[Prescott]

Hi hunkychunky,Welcome to our group. look forward to getting to know you. keep coming back.

[free2bunme]

Welcome Hunky Chunky .... glad you found us. There is a lot of good reading here on co-dependency which could be very helpful to you. Also the journals are great. I hope you'll keep coming back and sharing!

This is the right place. Sounds like Adult Children of Alcoholics is the best place for you to start. If it just so happens that your parents are/were not alcoholics, you should just ignore that part. There does not have to be alcohol or drugs in a family for there to be disfunction and unbalance. Codependency Anonymous / Al-Anon / NarcAnon are all programs for people AFFECTED by the disfunction of others.

It all really comes from the same original 12 step program started to treat chronic alcoholics. The steps and words are just changed a little to be more specifically applied to the issues different people deal with.

I was VERY angry too when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. There is healing here and in 12 step support groups of all types all over the world.

Keep coming back. Love ya later. Kai