Service work and when to say NO. - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

Beth P · 09-09-2006, 01:32 AM

I love the Program and I'm really getting involved in a lot of service work. It brings me into contact with so many different people that I probably would never have met otherwise! Sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed, though. A friend in the program approached me a couple of days ago and suggested that I should volunteer to be secretary of a group we both attend. I explained that I was already spread kind of thin, and that I have an illness that prevents me from doing more. He was rather sarcastic in his reply. I felt hurt and angry because I am doing a lot of service work, and he hasn't taken the time to ask what that is or even ask about my health problems. It is a reminder to me not to assume that I know what another person needs to be doing in recovery. There's usually a lot we don't know about other people in the program unless we make a real effort to spend time with them and listen. Just because we hear someone share in meetings doesn't mean we really know them! It's hard to say NO, but I'm learning that unless I take care of my own needs, I don't have anything to offer to others. BETH P

*snugsnug* · 09-09-2006, 08:13 AM

Guilt, shame and remorse are symptoms of our addiction, we just give other people to mch power over our feelings and we should not.

I have just started dealing with the NO word myself, We have some major medical issues in our house and I have been cleaning my plate. I hate to let people down, I feel like sometimes if I am not there to chair the meeting, or go to the region office and get the lititure or open the doors, these things will not get done, but they will. They were getting done before we got here and they will continue to get done when we are gone.
Remember, Do You!

Thanks for letting me share.

fibiray · 09-09-2006, 08:56 AM

I can so relate to this issue as it is a current issue in my life at the moment. I too am learning to say no. I have ended up being in the position where I am getting used by the takers when I have a long distance to travel each week, I have health issues and quite frankly I have simply done my bit and that its time for someone else to put in. It got to the point where I was giving more than I was taking and I need to nurture my own sobriety too. All too often I hear people cop out by saying "it's up to the older sober members," but they seem to forget that the older sober members need to look out for their recoveries too. To make matters worse I am easily manipulate and can at times feel obligated and even feel guilty when I say no, because I feel that I am being judged harshly. As someone put it to me is that I am powerless over what other people think or percieve of me. thats my bit.

Doraine · 09-09-2006, 09:10 AM

You're doing fine Beth. You know enough to respect your own limitations. You can't control how other people react.
"This was our course; We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend." BB p.66 & 67

09-09-2006, 01:32 AM	#1
Beth P Newcomer Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 3	Service work and when to say NO. I love the Program and I'm really getting involved in a lot of service work. It brings me into contact with so many different people that I probably would never have met otherwise! Sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed, though. A friend in the program approached me a couple of days ago and suggested that I should volunteer to be secretary of a group we both attend. I explained that I was already spread kind of thin, and that I have an illness that prevents me from doing more. He was rather sarcastic in his reply. I felt hurt and angry because I am doing a lot of service work, and he hasn't taken the time to ask what that is or even ask about my health problems. It is a reminder to me not to assume that I know what another person needs to be doing in recovery. There's usually a lot we don't know about other people in the program unless we make a real effort to spend time with them and listen. Just because we hear someone share in meetings doesn't mean we really know them! It's hard to say NO, but I'm learning that unless I take care of my own needs, I don't have anything to offer to others. BETH P

09-09-2006, 08:13 AM	#2
snugsnug Servant of Christ Jesus Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 1,640	Guilt, shame and remorse are symptoms of our addiction, we just give other people to mch power over our feelings and we should not. I have just started dealing with the NO word myself, We have some major medical issues in our house and I have been cleaning my plate. I hate to let people down, I feel like sometimes if I am not there to chair the meeting, or go to the region office and get the lititure or open the doors, these things will not get done, but they will. They were getting done before we got here and they will continue to get done when we are gone. Remember, Do You! Thanks for letting me share. __________________ We know that it is not our job to win the Kingdoms of the world for ourselves. We simply have to make witness to Jesus Christ and to Him crucified. De Colores

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09-09-2006, 08:56 AM	#3
fibiray fibiray Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: central coast nsw australia Posts: 875	I can so relate to this issue as it is a current issue in my life at the moment. I too am learning to say no. I have ended up being in the position where I am getting used by the takers when I have a long distance to travel each week, I have health issues and quite frankly I have simply done my bit and that its time for someone else to put in. It got to the point where I was giving more than I was taking and I need to nurture my own sobriety too. All too often I hear people cop out by saying "it's up to the older sober members," but they seem to forget that the older sober members need to look out for their recoveries too. To make matters worse I am easily manipulate and can at times feel obligated and even feel guilty when I say no, because I feel that I am being judged harshly. As someone put it to me is that I am powerless over what other people think or percieve of me. thats my bit.

09-09-2006, 09:10 AM	#4
Doraine Trusted Servant Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Lansford, PA Posts: 1,308	You're doing fine Beth. You know enough to respect your own limitations. You can't control how other people react. "This was our course; We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend." BB p.66 & 67