love in words and actions.....M.B.

[janbear]

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Clean42day
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Age: 3
Joined: 07 Dec 2005
Posts: 302


Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 7:58 pm Post subject: love in words and actions.....M.B.

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love in words and actions.....M.B.

Love, in Words and Actions

Many of us have confused notions about
what it means to be loved and cared about.

Many of us were loved and cared for by people
who had discrepancies between what they said and did.

We may have had a mother or father who said,
"I love you" to us, and then abandoned or neglected us, giving us
confused ideas about love.
Thus that pattern feels like love -- the only love we knew.

Some of us may have been cared for by people who provided for our needs
and said they loved us, but simultaneously abused or mistreated us.
That, then, becomes our idea of love.

Some of us may have lived in emotionally sterile environments,
where people said they loved us, but no feelings or nurturing were available.
That may have become our idea of love.

Some of us may have been sexualized at an early age and told that was love.
That may have become our idea of love.

We may learn to love others or ourselves the way
we have been loved, or we may let others love us the way we have been loved,
whether or not that feels good.

It's time to let our needs be met in ways that actually work.
Unhealthy love may meet some surface needs,
but not our deep need to be spiritually loved.

We can come to expect congruency in behavior from others.
We can diminish the impact of words alone
and insist that behavior and words match.

We can find the courage, when appropriate,
to confront discrepancies in words and actions
-- not to shame, blame, or find fault,
but to help us stay in touch with reality
and with our needs.

We can give and receive love where behavior matches one's words.
We deserve to receive and give the best
that love has to offer.

Today, I will be open to giving and receiving the healthiest love
possible. I will watch for discrepancies between words and
behaviors that confuse me and make me feel crazy. When that
happens, I will understand that I am not crazy; I am in the midst
of a discrepancy.

Melody Beattie


_________________
"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, we can all start from now and make a brand new ending"
~Carl Bard