just and only - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

*clean42day* · 09-21-2006, 11:34 AM

Thought for Today.....

I never realized how often I used the words "just" and "only."
--Mary Pat K.

Adult children [of alcoholics] often live within a framework of shame. One symptom of this is we minimize our achievements, feelings, needs, or opinions. Behind that is our feeling that we aren't and can't do anything special. So it figures we would find a way to discount whatever we do.

Two words we use frequently are "just" and "only." We say things like, "Our house has only two bedrooms" or "I only got a red ribbon at the state fair, and my tomatoes didn't place" or "I'll just eat these leftovers for dinner, and you can have the steak." These are ways of saying, "I don't count."

But, of course, we do count. How freeing it is to grow to the place where we say, "I've only entered the state fair once and I won a ribbon. I'm proud of myself." Or, "No, I don't want the leftovers either. Let's share the steak."

We give strength to minimizing attitudes when we use minimizing words. We deserve better.

Today, I will not minimize my achievements or needs. I will give someone an honest opinion about an issue that matters to me.

*clean42day* · 09-21-2006, 11:38 AM

the above reading is from: Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen & Carol Larsen Hegarty

This program brings new things to my attention all the time....reminding me that I still have work to do and progress to make.

yep Just realized how much I use these two words also....along with all my musts, and simply, ect....

light and love

Gail

flickchic · 09-21-2006, 05:06 PM

"just" is a word I am aware of using, ironically I used it in relation to someone else last night and pulled myself up on it, because as I said it I realised that it took away the importance of that person, so another aspect I guess, as we use those words towards selves we can project the whole idea toward another.

Only, i don't think I have given consideration to except towards others; when my girlfriedn rings she says 'hi it's only me' I have always responded to her with "not only you, cause you're important"!!!....crazy thinking cause I don't think I've ever applied it to me and yet I too say that sometimes.....my mum does too come to think of it.
sitting here thinking further; I do use "only"; "I only did this much today"....interesting perspective Gail, cause it does in fact dis-count what I did do hey!!!!...ok working on it!!!

re the musts etc; for me one big one I have focused on for quite some time now and yes do still slip up with use of occasionaly is; should.....should is a great procrastinator!!!!.....I should > I could > I will > I AM!!!! should implies the possibility, I am is doing!!

fibiray · 09-21-2006, 09:22 PM

This is a really powerful read as it was once said to me that I could remove the word should from my dialogue and allow me to have choices. Just and only's also need to be removed from my diaglogue. All too often as a mother and a housewife this terms reduces me to a nothing. When out socialising and people ask "what do you do," all to often the response if "I'm only a mother and housewife." Being a mother and housewife is an important role that very few manage to value. demoting myself only gives others permission to do the same to me. But it is a habit that is hard to break but one day at a time and with god's help I hope to overcome this negative for of speech in myself.

Peggyannvt · 09-21-2006, 09:37 PM

I guess, I can use those two words in regards to my siblings. I am just an only child. HA And now I am learning to be a 61 year old adult. It was in my 50's that I learned I was not a girl but a woman.

I was aware of my first husband "standing" on my shoulders, but it was only after (oops) getting more program that I realized I kept him on my shoulders so that I would stay small in my own eyes. I did turn my life and my will over to that husband as I understood him. And yes, his drinking bothered me so I joined Al-anon. And yes, his grandfather drank his paycheck before coming home.

I used Caron foundation to boost my knowledge of myself, yet I can still see myself as a just or only (a cashier, etc.)

09-21-2006, 11:34 AM	#1
clean42day Moderator Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Lancaster CA Posts: 1,770	just and only Thought for Today..... I never realized how often I used the words "just" and "only." --Mary Pat K. Adult children [of alcoholics] often live within a framework of shame. One symptom of this is we minimize our achievements, feelings, needs, or opinions. Behind that is our feeling that we aren't and can't do anything special. So it figures we would find a way to discount whatever we do. Two words we use frequently are "just" and "only." We say things like, "Our house has only two bedrooms" or "I only got a red ribbon at the state fair, and my tomatoes didn't place" or "I'll just eat these leftovers for dinner, and you can have the steak." These are ways of saying, "I don't count." But, of course, we do count. How freeing it is to grow to the place where we say, "I've only entered the state fair once and I won a ribbon. I'm proud of myself." Or, "No, I don't want the leftovers either. Let's share the steak." We give strength to minimizing attitudes when we use minimizing words. We deserve better. Today, I will not minimize my achievements or needs. I will give someone an honest opinion about an issue that matters to me. __________________ Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, we can all start from today and make a brand new ending. ~Carl Bard~ "Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are right now, and all you are becoming." Melodie Beattie

09-21-2006, 11:38 AM	#2
clean42day Moderator Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Lancaster CA Posts: 1,770	whoops the above reading is from: Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen & Carol Larsen Hegarty This program brings new things to my attention all the time....reminding me that I still have work to do and progress to make. yep Just realized how much I use these two words also....along with all my musts, and simply, ect.... light and love Gail __________________ Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, we can all start from today and make a brand new ending. ~Carl Bard~ "Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are right now, and all you are becoming." Melodie Beattie

09-21-2006, 09:37 PM	#5
Peggyannvt Al-anon, ACOA Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Vermont Posts: 50	I guess, I can use those two words in regards to my siblings. I am just an only child. HA And now I am learning to be a 61 year old adult. It was in my 50's that I learned I was not a girl but a woman. I was aware of my first husband "standing" on my shoulders, but it was only after (oops) getting more program that I realized I kept him on my shoulders so that I would stay small in my own eyes. I did turn my life and my will over to that husband as I understood him. And yes, his drinking bothered me so I joined Al-anon. And yes, his grandfather drank his paycheck before coming home. I used Caron foundation to boost my knowledge of myself, yet I can still see myself as a just or only (a cashier, etc.) __________________ LOVE Peggyann

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

09-21-2006, 05:06 PM	#3
flickchic Registerd User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: central wheatbelt, western australia Posts: 1,157	"just" is a word I am aware of using, ironically I used it in relation to someone else last night and pulled myself up on it, because as I said it I realised that it took away the importance of that person, so another aspect I guess, as we use those words towards selves we can project the whole idea toward another. Only, i don't think I have given consideration to except towards others; when my girlfriedn rings she says 'hi it's only me' I have always responded to her with "not only you, cause you're important"!!!....crazy thinking cause I don't think I've ever applied it to me and yet I too say that sometimes.....my mum does too come to think of it. sitting here thinking further; I do use "only"; "I only did this much today"....interesting perspective Gail, cause it does in fact dis-count what I did do hey!!!!...ok working on it!!! re the musts etc; for me one big one I have focused on for quite some time now and yes do still slip up with use of occasionaly is; should.....should is a great procrastinator!!!!.....I should > I could > I will > I AM!!!! should implies the possibility, I am is doing!!

09-21-2006, 09:22 PM	#4
fibiray fibiray Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: central coast nsw australia Posts: 875	This is a really powerful read as it was once said to me that I could remove the word should from my dialogue and allow me to have choices. Just and only's also need to be removed from my diaglogue. All too often as a mother and a housewife this terms reduces me to a nothing. When out socialising and people ask "what do you do," all to often the response if "I'm only a mother and housewife." Being a mother and housewife is an important role that very few manage to value. demoting myself only gives others permission to do the same to me. But it is a habit that is hard to break but one day at a time and with god's help I hope to overcome this negative for of speech in myself.