new- i need to tell my story

[addictivedad]

sorry I am new at this. I couldn't figure things out but hopefully this time it will work.

Hi. I am 19 years old. my father has been an alcoholic/drug addict since I can remember.my parents divorced because of it about 10 years ago. my father has done horrible things to my family. he has missed many many birthdays, including my sisters last 4. he has been drunk on christmas eve and slept through christmas mornign with a hangover. totaled a new car and almost died. spent my parents entire 401K retirement plan of thousands of dollars on cocaine. never payed a penny of child support becuase he spent all his money on drugs and alcohol. he missed events of my sisters and mine when we were little. he has almost died from a cocaine overdose about 7 times. he has almost died of alcohol poisoning another 7 or 8. There is really no reason he should be alive. we finally had to encourage him to move out of town to get away from his drug connections and into his brothers house with him and his three little girls. this happened about a year ago, about a month before i started my freshman year of college. he came back to my hometown over christmas break and things were phenomenal. better than they had been in at least 8 years. me him and mom even went to dinner together and they didn't argue. I was in heaven and actually felt like a normal child. lets just say i really got my hopes up. he went to "visit a friend" one day while in town and went missing for three days. we finally foudn him in the home of a drug addict friend, with a almost fatal level of alcohol and cocaine in his system. We all, including him, decided that he should move in with his parents. he moved in with them and i called him alot, unlike momand my sister. he seemed to be doing well. he actually had clients again (he is a financial consultant, and quite a good one when sober). I thought things were looking up. then he came home for my sisters birthday. the same thing happened, except he never even showed up at the house. the police found my grandpas car four days later in front of the same house. they found him inside again completely waisted and in need of medical attention. He went back to my grandparents. this was about three months ago. again things have been looking up. he has even been sendin me money from working the past four weeks. he sounded sober when i talked to him on the phone.

He is one of my best friends. Through all of this, especially the past few years, my mom and sister have tried to completely cut him out, especially this past time over the summer. where they cut him out, i try to reach out to him. I call him and ask how he is doing. I tell him to call me if he needs me.

We are so similar and I love him so much. he is such a goofball, he is hilarious, he is extremely intelligent and philosophical, and I truly see a lot of myself in him. and he sees that too. we have always been such good friends.

I talked to him yesterday, he said he was going to be able to send me more money this week, and that he wants to come visit me. I really thought he was doing better.

I got a phone call about two hours ago from my mom. Dad checked into an inpatient detox/rehab facility this morning. This will be the third time he has gone through rehab in the past 5 years. he sounded fine yesterday. I thought he as doing better

I am so hurt. why was he hiding it from me that he wasn't doing well. why didn't i know. i can always tell. why isn't he getting better. why can't he get better. shutting him out, letting him in, sending him to rehab, being there for him, talking to him, ...nothing has worked!! nothing has worked for 20 years! what do I do? i love him so much. i want him to get better. i want him to be at my wedding and play with my future children. i want him to be part of my life. and i have told him this

what do i do? is there anything left to do? I am hurt and sad and depressed and I miss him! I miss him horribly! I just want to see him! I want to help him. why didn't he tell me.

and why is everyone acting like this is so normal. going into rehab is a big deal. and all i get is a simple phone call from mom saying, "oh i just thought id call and tell you that your grandfather called me this morning. your dad has checked himself into rehab again. how wereyour classes today? how did student teaching go? "
I mean are you kidding me? no one is upset about this but me??!!

I tried calling the place and they gave me the usual I can't give you any info speech. I'm pissed. I just wanna talk to my dad. I'm his best friend too. I want to know that he's okay, and I know it would help him if he knew that I support him and that I am here for him...

help help help

-girl that needs support

[fibiray]

Hi there welcome aboard and thanks for sharing. I can so relate to your story. My dad was a legal practitioner who was alcoholic and I know first hand how unpredictable growing up in an alcoholic environment can be. It really affects in ways so profound. I think the reason that yur dad didn't tell you that he went into rehab is due to his shame. He knows that you love him and desperately wants to get clean and sober, as he knows that he has let you down. As for the rest of the family they have heard all the excuses and promises in the world over the years and have been so bitterly disappointed time after time that they don't dare get their hopes up. Don't judge them too harshly as they are hurting from your dad's behaviour. Here at acoa and alanon we live by a 12 step program as a means of managing our thoughts and feelings and the unmanageability our lives have become. We have learnt to fear on a profound level, we get involved in relationships that aren't healthy, we become co-dependant all because we have been exposed to the sickness of the alcoholic. May I suggest that you go through some of the past posts particularly those that identify the characteristics of the acoa.
I too were closer to my dad even though he was alcoholic and even though he was an absent father. Often you find it is the other members of the family that become sicker than the alcoholic themselves. This is called a family disease and is the great destroyer of families. I pray that your dad does find his way into recovery but this does not mean that we cannot achieve peace and serenity even if he doesn't. Myself I found that anger, resentment and rage have been influeincing factors in my life from being exposed to the disease of alcoholism and the dysfunction of my home life. Stick around and you will learn more about your dad, your family and yourself. god bless