Relapse - The Things I Learned

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The following is written by:
Michael Arthur, recovering addict
April 9, 2000

With this relapse I've taken some time to review some of the
things I learned, or thought I learned during my short sober time.
I'm clean again today, and that's what's important, I believe mistakes
are ok as long as you learn from them. And believe me I learned a lot
from this one. When my pink cloud of sobriety faded away and reality
smacked me in the face and knocked me on my a$$, well I turned back
to my old ways of coping. It didn't take me long at all to be back where
I was. I had 45 days of clean time, those days are still mine, and are
the catalyst for me wanting more days of clean time. I also heard that
sharing was good, so I'm going to share a bit now with the little poem
thing below that I wrote. Thanks everyone for being here for me.

The Things I Learned

I believed I was in recovery by myself,
I learned that I was never truly alone,
Unless I chose to be.

I believed recovery was a breeze,
I learned that my disease didn't agree,
I have to recover one day at a time, in small degrees.

I believed I could solely heal myself,
I learned that I had to completely surrender,
And let my God be the one to show me sobriety's splendor.

I believed I was in total control,
I learned from my relapse that my disease held the lead role,
And the lack of drugs left a hole that needed to be filled in my soul.

I believed that 12 Steps were not a necessity,
I learned that to stay clean I had to make them be,
With the 12 Steps I could actually be free.

I believed there was no such thing as unconditional love,
I learned that when I stumbled and fell it was still there,
And all I had to do was accept it.

I believed if I ever relapsed I would not be able to come back,
I learned that with my Higher Power this is just a learning experience,
And just a small obstacle and a minor setback.

I believed faith in itself was enough,
I learned that faith by itself is useless,
And there's a lot of work to be done and it's going to be rough.

I believed in my mind that I tried,
I learned that my mind was a dangerous place to be,
And I needed to listen to my heart because my mind had again lied.

I believed I knew everything I had to know,
I learned I didn't know much of anything,
And I had to listen to grow.

I believed to surrender was to lose,
I learned that surrendering gave me the ability to choose,
And the strength to continue.

I believed by knowing and simply sharing I was recovering,
I learned that I also ran my mouth and knew alot when I was stoned as well,
And there is truth to actions speak louder then words.

I believed that by using yesterday my disease had won,
I learned that yesterday is over and done,
And today I start over with Day One.

written by:
Michael Arthur, recovering addict
April 9, 2000