I think I finally learned! - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

redjoy · 10-12-2006, 08:57 PM

I will be sober 20yrs soon, but have always had a problem worrying about & trying to control & save my daughter who is a drug addict. I know alot of it is guilt on my part since she was abused in everyway by her father my X since little & I was so miserable & scared I crawled into a bottle & was not there for her. Well she's in her 30's a drug addict & bi-polar & I have gone thru hell from mental hospitals to prisons to suicide over the yrs. I have just about ignored my poor husband, made myself a wreck, gotten involved with everything to help her when I shouldn't have sometimes making it worse. She has lived on the streets & done crack then every once in awhile went into AA & thought she would make it doing good then got involved w/low life & off running. Well I got involved again since she was living w/a drunk & called crying wanted to come home. After I got all involved & prayed & couldn't sleep she calls & says he's back & they will talk & he will get help. I all of a sudden saw it & sd fine you're old enough now but don't call her again if he throws you out, no money etc, I don't want to hear it. For some reason I felt free like it was my higher power helping me & this time I really mean it. I know I have to be careful but I really want to be free before she kills me w/a heart attack! Thanks for this site, I'm new was looking for something like this need it!

free2bunme · 10-12-2006, 09:45 PM

Quote:

For some reason I felt free like it was my higher power helping me & this time I really mean it.

I am so happy for you. I understand. I know how difficult and painful it has been for me to "let go and let God" with several addict loved ones in my life - I can't imagine how gut wrenching it would be if it was your daughter. You have not only given yourself a gift - you have given her one. I know for me, one of the major reasons that i finally got sober is because my parents and brother were over me and were not going to be there to enable me anymore. God will give you the strength and the power to get through this, as it sounds like you already know. And He is taking care of her, loving her, and waiting for her to surrender....

*admin* · 10-13-2006, 04:33 AM

redjoy, Glad to have you join us. Speaking for myself being an alcoholic and addict and a daughter, there was nothing anyone could do for me except for to pray for me which my mom and many others continued to do throughout the years. I had to be willing and ready to help myself when the time came. Please feel free to continue to come and share with us. We are here for you.

Love,
Tammy

Doraine · 10-13-2006, 08:15 AM

&

Redjoy!
I too am sober almost 20 years and I have a 31 year old daughter who has been in and out of AA for 16 years. Currently she's almost a month sober and I only hope she has surrendered this time. Besides her drinking she's been on drugs including heroin. Her abuse has caused her to be homeless and without an income. Right now she has an apartment and is on welfare while she waits for SSD to come through. Each time she gets sober I always hope this is the last time. She also has a psychiatric diagnosis.All I can do is to pray for her to get recovery. I keep a journal on this site where I can vent all I need to. I had gone to Alanon but I haven't been there lately. There are Alanon meetings online. I have learned to detach with love. I can be concerned about my daughter but I don't let myself get sick over her situation.

mellotripp · 10-16-2006, 02:37 PM

Caring for someone we love is not always easy. You figure it would, as much as we love them. My mother, an ill alanon in retirement. Who suffers in her old age not just from what I have put her thru, has never understood me. So I quit trying to achieve that, and tried being the best son I could.

redjoy · 10-16-2006, 06:37 PM

Thanks everyone for caring it sure does help! I have to ck my settings, I never got email notification of replies just now ck'd the site & saw it. So far so good, haven't heard anything, kind of nervous but letting it go. I keep saying too be still & know that I am God, I heard that's good to calm yourself down. I just want to get on w/my own life & my poor husbands after all these yrs. Just made plans to get away a couple of days in Nov w/him.

kjazzygirl · 12-31-2006, 04:01 PM

Redjoy: One word in your original post stands out....bipolar. If you daughter is bipolar, she needs psychiatric treatment. Many more times than not, a person suffering from Bipolar mood disorder is an addict. They are trying to self-medicate to feel "normal" by using alcohol and drugs. IF you find your daughter back in your life, please remember to help her treat the Bipolar in any way you can (this does require a psychiatrist). My bet is that is the root of all her problems. And there is medication and therapy available to allow her to lead a normal life. I fear if you don't treat the Bipolar, the rest is pointless. I wish you well. K

10-12-2006, 08:57 PM	#1
redjoy Newcomer Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2	I think I finally learned! I will be sober 20yrs soon, but have always had a problem worrying about & trying to control & save my daughter who is a drug addict. I know alot of it is guilt on my part since she was abused in everyway by her father my X since little & I was so miserable & scared I crawled into a bottle & was not there for her. Well she's in her 30's a drug addict & bi-polar & I have gone thru hell from mental hospitals to prisons to suicide over the yrs. I have just about ignored my poor husband, made myself a wreck, gotten involved with everything to help her when I shouldn't have sometimes making it worse. She has lived on the streets & done crack then every once in awhile went into AA & thought she would make it doing good then got involved w/low life & off running. Well I got involved again since she was living w/a drunk & called crying wanted to come home. After I got all involved & prayed & couldn't sleep she calls & says he's back & they will talk & he will get help. I all of a sudden saw it & sd fine you're old enough now but don't call her again if he throws you out, no money etc, I don't want to hear it. For some reason I felt free like it was my higher power helping me & this time I really mean it. I know I have to be careful but I really want to be free before she kills me w/a heart attack! Thanks for this site, I'm new was looking for something like this need it!

10-16-2006, 06:37 PM	#6
redjoy Newcomer Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2	Thanks! Thanks everyone for caring it sure does help! I have to ck my settings, I never got email notification of replies just now ck'd the site & saw it. So far so good, haven't heard anything, kind of nervous but letting it go. I keep saying too be still & know that I am God, I heard that's good to calm yourself down. I just want to get on w/my own life & my poor husbands after all these yrs. Just made plans to get away a couple of days in Nov w/him.

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10-13-2006, 04:33 AM	#3
admin Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 28,249	redjoy, Glad to have you join us. Speaking for myself being an alcoholic and addict and a daughter, there was nothing anyone could do for me except for to pray for me which my mom and many others continued to do throughout the years. I had to be willing and ready to help myself when the time came. Please feel free to continue to come and share with us. We are here for you. Love, Tammy

10-13-2006, 08:15 AM	#4
Doraine Trusted Servant Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Lansford, PA Posts: 1,308	& Redjoy! I too am sober almost 20 years and I have a 31 year old daughter who has been in and out of AA for 16 years. Currently she's almost a month sober and I only hope she has surrendered this time. Besides her drinking she's been on drugs including heroin. Her abuse has caused her to be homeless and without an income. Right now she has an apartment and is on welfare while she waits for SSD to come through. Each time she gets sober I always hope this is the last time. She also has a psychiatric diagnosis.All I can do is to pray for her to get recovery. I keep a journal on this site where I can vent all I need to. I had gone to Alanon but I haven't been there lately. There are Alanon meetings online. I have learned to detach with love. I can be concerned about my daughter but I don't let myself get sick over her situation.

10-16-2006, 02:37 PM	#5
mellotripp Devoted Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 263	Caring for someone we love is not always easy. You figure it would, as much as we love them. My mother, an ill alanon in retirement. Who suffers in her old age not just from what I have put her thru, has never understood me. So I quit trying to achieve that, and tried being the best son I could.

12-31-2006, 04:01 PM	#7
kjazzygirl Newcomer Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: US Posts: 3	Redjoy: One word in your original post stands out....bipolar. If you daughter is bipolar, she needs psychiatric treatment. Many more times than not, a person suffering from Bipolar mood disorder is an addict. They are trying to self-medicate to feel "normal" by using alcohol and drugs. IF you find your daughter back in your life, please remember to help her treat the Bipolar in any way you can (this does require a psychiatrist). My bet is that is the root of all her problems. And there is medication and therapy available to allow her to lead a normal life. I fear if you don't treat the Bipolar, the rest is pointless. I wish you well. K