Why are we here?

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Why Are We Here?

Coming into the rooms, defeated,
knowing I couldn't continue using,
awakened anger, resentments and fears
that I found so confusing.
For I'd listened to this voice for oh, so long
telling me, the next one will work.
And I had believed it, for its voice was so strong
that these new concepts had to hurt.
In part, I was in mourning
grieving what had once been my friend.
But that friend went insane, caused me oh so much pain
and tried to kill me, in the end.
In part, I was resentful
for having to admit defeat,
because I had been told that surrendering
was something only done by the weak.
And by this admission I had to agree
that my family and friends had been right,
that I had a problem, I was out of control,
and there was no way I could win this fight.
But mostly, I think, I was fearful,
afraid of failing again.
Terrified to let go of everything I had known
and of letting these new ideas in.
My addiction had defined me,
It knew me, and I knew it well.
Who would replace this now empty space,
could I be really released from my he!!?
You hugged me and smiled, said you’d been there too,
that you’d love me til I loved myself.
I sat in tears, letting go of my fears,
and for the first time, really wanting your help.
After awhile, I was able to smile
for I knew I didn't have to get high,
that no matter what problem I came across
there were people who’d help me get by.
I began feeling a part of, not apart from,
the hope grew in me day by day.
For this new life I'm living,
and the help I'm now giving
I have to thank God, and N.A.

John Hathaway 08-10-02