How Some Seem To Think How It Worked

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How Some Seem To Think How It Worked

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has completed their aftercare.
Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not learn our numerous
slogans, and go to 90 meetings in 90 days. They are usually men and women
who are constitutionally incapable of forming meaningful relationships in
treatment centers. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault;
their therapist told them so. They are naturally incapable of grasping and
developing a relationship with a vulnerable newcomer. Their chances are
less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional
and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity
to form meaningful relationships.
Our stories disclose in a general way: how we were harmed, what
happened to those who harmed us, and how we got even in the end. If you have decided
you want what we have, you obviously haven't been paying attention to our
stories. If you're still determined to get what we have and are willing to
exert minimal effort to get it - then you are ready for a temporary sponsor.
At their first suggestion we balked. We were sure that our sponsors didn't
understand. We were determined to find a sponsor who would see things our
way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of
you to take it easy on these old fools. Some of us have tried to re-
educate our sponsors but the result was nil until we let go of them
absolutely.
Remember that we are dealing with your ego, cunning, baffling, powerful!
Without constant praise and reassurance it is too much for us. But there is
one, and possibly more, who has all power that one is your significant
other. May you find them now!
Half measures availed us nothing. It was time to move in together.
Having abandoned common sense completely, we asked his or her protection and care
with great expectations.
Here are the steps we took, which interpreted properly, offer a
spiritual path to staying sober and having your own way in a meaningful relationship:
1. Don't drink or get loaded. Try to ignore the fact that you've never
actually been able to do this.
2. Came to believe that the right relationship could restore us to sanity.
3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our
significant other, assuming they had what we needed.
4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our significant other.
5 Complained to God, to ourselves, and to our temporary sponsors about the
exact nature of their wrongs.
6 Were entirely ready to have God remove these defective characters.
7 Humbly demanded that He find us the right significant other.
8 Made a list of everyone we found attractive and became willing to have
significant relationships with them all.
9. Made direct amends to people we believed might still be willing to help
us restore our net worth, except when their significant other was attractive
to us.
10. Continued to find fault with others and when they were wrong promptly
pointed it out.
11. Sought through prayer and manipulation to improve the behavior of our
significant other, praying for knowledge of all their hot buttons and just
the right time to push them.
12. Having gotten our own way as the result of these steps, we tried to
convince our significant other that this was really for their own good, and
that their future happiness lay in doing my will.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! They won't go through with it."
Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to do this with just one
partner. Fortunately the treatment centers, meetings, and social activities
are full of prospects who are not saints. The point is, that we are willing
to keep replacing partners until we find one or more who will do it our way.
The principles we have set down have proven themselves in coffee shops,
clubhouses, and meetings across the land. We claim personal development
rather than personal perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the wives, and our
personal difficulties before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and it wasn't our fault.
(b) That our current therapist and significant other could not relieved
our alcoholism.
(c) That the right partner could and would if they were sought.

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