The Twelve Promises For Beginners

[admin]

The Twelve Promises For Beginners

1. You will know your full name and address.

2. You will be able to shave yourself

3. You will be able to dress and undress yourself.

4. You will know the town, state and country you are in.

5. You will be able to find socks that match.

6. You will be able to smoke without burning yourself, your clothes or the
furniture.

7. You will lose the fear of food.

8. You will spend less time in the bathroom.

9. You will be able to walk a straight line and pass the balloon test.

10. You will lose the fear of police cars.

11. You will be able to answer the door without looking through the little hole.

12. You will realize what a mess you've been and thank God for your 12-step alcohol program.

[admin]

TEN PROMISES FOR BEGINNERS:

1. You will know freedom from Maalox, aspirins, and Listerine.
2. You will no longer have to approach toilet bowls on your hands and knees.
3. You won't fall asleep with your contact lenses in.
4. You will lose interest in inventing excuses for all those empty bottles, like saying you're saving them to store water in case of a hurricane.
5. No matter how far down the scale your car has gone, it won't stink like a brewery, and--
6. You'll remember where you left it.
7. Your pets won't hide under the bed when you come home. Neither will your spouse and kids.
8. Fear of mirrors and of garbagemen will leave you.
9. You will intuitively know how to lower your risk of catching social diseases.
10. You will suddenly realize how much better life is sober, and thank your Higher Power for AA.

[Baritone]

1. You will know your full name and address.

Never got to where i had problems with that one.

2. You will be able to shave yourself.

And without gashing my face a half dozen times because of my hand shaking!

3. You will be able to dress and undress yourself.

At appropriate times!

4. You will know the town, state and country you are in.

I always knew that. Though i had trouble remembering what day, month, and year it was.

5. You will be able to find socks that match.

I still mess that one up sometimes, but at least now it's not the end of the universe and i can laugh at myself if my socks don't match.

6. You will be able to smoke without burning yourself, your clothes or the furniture.

Well, i never smoked, but the number of times i've set fire to the kitchen has been drastically reduced!

7. You will lose the fear of food.

Unfortunately, i've gotten to love food a bit too much.

8. You will spend less time in the bathroom.

True.

9. You will be able to walk a straight line and pass the balloon test.

Yup, i can walk a straight line now ... though i still can't draw one.

10. You will lose the fear of police cars.

It's taken a few years, but that's pretty much true now.

11. You will be able to answer the door without looking through the little hole.

Never tried not looking through the window before opening the door. Not ready to let go that far.

12. You will realize what a mess you've been and thank God for your 12-step alcohol program.

Abso********lutely true!!!

- Jim