Pure Bred Alcoholic

I say this sometimes in my sharing because both my parents were alcoholics and one had 20 plus years in AA and the other hung out in an Alano Club but I think drank wine with dinner.

Well, backing up here, I'm Deanna and I am an Alcoholic.

I really thought most normal people drank as that was all I'd ever been around in my childhood. In fact coming from a broken home situation I was passed around from Grandparents to a Great Aunt from infancy to about 5 years old.

My great Aunt was one of my favorites as she was NORMAL and older and she had cocktail hour everyday at their apartments and about 10 couples would be there at 4 pm. I would slyly ask for sips and chug as fast as a 12 year old can. Of course, my aunt would give me a Shirley Temple, but after they were all having a nice time together would solicit for sips ASAP.

I liked all beverages, especially 7-7's at that time. I didn't like water and bourbon much because the coke added sweet stuff.

Anyway, at an early age I realized that alcohol was the best thing in the world!!

I could skip days of drinking when necessary but never could have just 1 drink. If I had a drink, that was it. I was on a mission! (I know you are aware of that one)

I stopped drinking when I got married as "June Cleaver" from Leave it to Beaver never drank and she came close to my image of what a mom should be.

Unfortunately, I didn't know that I was white knuckling it. I really wasn't present for my life in those early days of raising children. I was a nervous wreck and had a lot of trouble dealing with my husband and his sex drive. I had hang-ups "out the kazoo" regarding EVERYTHING. A couple of times, I went to the Doctor for help with my nerves and ended up in group therapy classes. They kind of helped as I really didn't know what the heck was life about and who I was and how I felt somehow got BURIED deep inside.

My husband was in the Air Force and about 10 years after our marriage we were in Alaska and my 2nd son had a brain tumor and had to be sent to Texas for the surgery. At that move to Texas, my oldest son got bone cancer (he was only 9 years old). Both were within months of each others diagnosis of living 2 - 5 years. I was totally in shock and kicked my husband out of the house after a big fight. This wasn't the time that when things go wrong "it can draw a couple closer together". He ended up in the hospital and was temporarily released from the military. At this time, with both sons, dying, he went back to his home state. I began to drink and get babysitters so that I could leave and "party" as I see it now (to escape all this).

I went to a biker bar and met many druggies and at that time I was about 35 years old going on 16. So I was introduced to many things .... okay all but shooting up heroin or speed. I didn't put a needle in my arm, as I don't like needles and didn't care who knew it.

It was in this club I met my second husband of course. He was the bass player in a substitute band that was filling in for the house band. He was about 23 and I will not tell his story past that. But we ended up getting married.

Time marched on and I had my 5th child with him. Despite our 12 year age gap, we started a new beginning in California leaving that state. It was pretty good for us until about the 80's when after loosing my first child in the early 70's, my second son's brain tumor started up again and he died at 23. My first son died at 12 years old. I more or less died after the first son until my 5 son was born. It helped me renew life watching a new baby.

Sorry I jumped back a few years to tell about when the sons died.

I need to fast forward now, to let you know I finally left my 2nd husband and took my last son who was 12 years old and moved out. I started drinking again on a daily basis and my hubby went back to his addiction. So my last son had to see both parents "out of control".

I finally after a few years moved where I live now and took my son with me. For some reason, one day I heard a voice in my head say TRY AA. It was as clear as anything and although it had no voice to say if it was male or female, I heard this loud and clear.

I called the hotline and went to my first AA meeting that night and that was 10 years ago, in May 1996. It took me another month to let go of that "marijuana maintenance" plan I had going on. BUT, 30 days later I heard the man that wrote in the big book, "Physician Heal Thyself" at our ANNUAL Unity day event. This was Dr. Earle Marsh (1911- 2003). He said that we couldn't be sober and use any other drugs, duh? Why I wouldn't believe that from my fellow AA members, I don't know. BUT now I thought that he must be smart and I'll flush that down the toilet. This is my first complete sober and clean day! I cherish that memory as my goal was to become a good grandmother and now I have not only the first one that was my incentive, but five more grandkids.

I feel not only very very fortunate to have been given this opportunity, but to have a comfortable feeling inside that I have a Higher Power, that has been there for me every time I ask for help. I originally came to the program assuming that upon my death they would tie a millstone around my neck and drown me in the ocean. Since that time, I've come to understand this terrible disease much better and have done my steps and found out many truths about what was real and what was part of this disease.

I'm in tears right now feeling much gratitude. Thanks for reading my story.

[Doraine]

[bovi]

Wow Thank you, I have tears as well!