On Hugging

[admin]

On Hugging

“Hugging can be vital for your emotional well-being.. Everybody feels skin-hunger throughout their lives, and unless that hunger is satisfied by touching, there’s a vital void in the emotional make-up that’s going to cause deep unhappiness. We all know that babies thrive on frequent stroking,. Well, adults are no different. When they are not patted on the hand, embraced around the shoulder or hugged, they withdraw into themselves. I prescribe four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance and twelve for growth.�
Dr. Virginai Satir in homemade, March, 1990

Now gentlemen, use caution and common sense when doing this. There are some who will gladly see and gossip. Do not hug married women whose husbands do not know you and particularly the jealous type. Just be careful and if you do get smacked in the mouth don’t get mad with me,(I only write the quotes)
There’s one senior that does a lotta hugging and he is always happy, but he does apply ‘c-o-m-m-o-n s-e-n-s-e’.

Dave Tait

[snugsnug]

I love the hugging in our home group of Narcotics Anonymous and at our church.

[teiger]

I have always been a hugger, at home, at my A.A. meetings, or family gatherings. I learned early on in the program that not everyone likes to hug though. The is one gentleman that comes to mind. He was a nice enough gentleman and when I went to hug him he kindly told me that he was more into shaking hands then hugging and put his hand out for me to shake it. I can respect people that don't like to hug and I agree that you have to use some common sense.....even at meetings. Good post.

Karen

[rootsradical]

An interesting topic.

When I first came to the rooms, I froze everytime someone ((hugged)) me and on a couple of occasions I asked the hugger not to touch me. Sometime on from that period...I still feel a bit uncomfortable when touched.

But just remember - if a new member asks not to be hugged or touched, it's probably not about you or your aftershave lotion (lol)...like me, they're probably not used to this kind of contact.

Most of the contact I had when drunk was either drunken sex or bar room fights.

[snugsnug]

me too

[simplicity]

I was a little overwhelmed by the hugs when I first came into the rooms of NA. I came in without an understanding of what boundaries were and that I was entitled to have my own. I now understand that if I get a bad vibe from someone, I am not entitled to accept a hug. I have learned different ways of detering off unwanted hugs that don't leave any hard feelings. I love to give hugs as well but I do pay attention to body language so that I don't over step someone else's personal boundaries. It was a good lesson for me to learn, and I integrate it in all areas of my life as well as in the rooms.

[dalin]

keep coming
when i hug you,
it means i am hugging the God that lives in them

[TerminallyUnique]

Hugs are OK. It took me awhile to get used to them. Even now, sometimes the people I care about the most are the one's that are the hardest for me to hug. I do pay attention to newcomers especially - cuz I know how PO'd I was when I came in and I wouldn't want to push anyone who has that same spirit I did. I'm fairly cool with hugs now, but do sometimes squirm away from them cuz I'm just not comfortable with it for some reason.

[Doraine]

I've actually had the experience of someone in AA treat me badly and still tried to hug me. I put a stop to that behavior because I thought it was fake.Some people hug some don't. I don't hug newcomers because I don't know them and they might not like it.

[janbear]

I use to jump when i was touched, even the handshakes were uncomfortable to me when i entered AA. I didnt like it and thought everyone wanted something. Gong to NA meetings were even worse for they hugged. Mine weren't boundaries they were huge walls. Some people would just look at me and know that i didnt want to be touched and they would walk away and just talk to me. I know now from my counseling i was in for 10 years that so much of it was a reaction to my past. I am tons better now. I am more accepting of them now and i give them out as well. Walls came down. i now have simple boundaries especially with men. I love safe touch today especially from those closest to me.