Is it easier for the alcoholic?

[gonner]

I am so sick and tired of being the child of an alcoholic, ex-wife and now currently separated wife of an alcoholic. None of them seemed to feel the pain that they created for me and my kids. Most recently, I found that my husband was screwing around and that was it for me - I gave him no choice but to get out NOW. I believe booze played into this affair, since he knew how I felt about his habitual drinking, so he distanced himself from me more and more. I don't want him back! I must be a total fool myself for constantly being surrounded by alcoholics. I don't think he can or will quit although he is begging for forgiveness and promises to do anything I ask. He doesn't even think that he has a problem. He says its my problem. Well-not any more. Could this be his rock-bottom? My kids don't want him back either . (17 & 18) Any thoughts? Anyone been there?

[fibiray]

Hi there gonner, can so understand your predicament. May I suggest that you get in contact with yur local alanon. As mentioned you have illustrated that you came from an alcoholic family, this is where the problem first emerged and it has continued on as you have continued to get into relationships with alcoholics. This behavioural pattern as mentioned needs to be looked at. At alanon, you will come to understand the disease concept of alcoholism. What your hubby is doing is quite normal for the alcoholic. He is in denial and into the blame game, thats what alcoholics do. Often though they say that the partner or family of the alcoholic is just as sick if not sicker than the alcoholic themselves. I knew coming from an alcoholic home myself that how I percieved things was really quite distorted, and yet at the time, I thought that they were quite normal. Keep coming back and sharing and god bless

[flickchic]

hi and welcome, i agree with other's shares here that the best thing you can do for you, and the children, is to 'do for you' now.....so glad you have reached out here and are wanting to change the way things are for you. I am an addict myself, also come from a very dysfunctional family, have had two abusive alcoholic partners an abusive drug addict and know 'the blame game' all too well; from both sides of the fence (so to speak)....

None of them seemed to feel the pain that they created for me and my kids.

no, and they won't as long as they remain active....denial and blame are huge in active addicts, they/we do not want to look at ourselves and therfore move the focus to another; i.e. yourself. Even with the abuse I was always blamed...i asked for it...not!!!!!!....

although he is begging for forgiveness and promises to do anything I ask.

'broken promises' and they always will be until the person stops using.....i fell for those broken promises over and over again and spent a long time making them myself.

ALANON is deff. well worth your looking into and attending and there is some wonderful reading material here on site re enabling, abusive, addictive partners, feel free to look around the forum, keep on sharing and if you have any ??'s feel free to ask.

btw, I'm Felicity, grateful recovering alcoholic and drug addict......hang in there friend it sure can and does get better.

[PatNewMex]

To answer your original question, which is the title of your thread. "NO!".

Nothing is easy for them except live in denial. They must at some point in their lives pay for this way of life and this decision. Payment may be to wake up and smell the coffee, make changes for the better (which will take a lot of work), or to lose their friends and family who are sick and tired of enabling them.

Until they are willing to help themselves, do not enable them, they won't appreciate it, realize it, and they will continue to think it is your problem, not theirs.

No, I imagine it is not easier for them.

Pat