Old Behaviors and Sleeping Dragons

[janbear]

Old Behaviors and Sleeping Dragons



I have often sat in meetings and heard others say " if your still doing it, is it really old?"

Well, when I look at the definition of old I have to say yes. When I look at the way I was and the way I am now, I have to say that there are certain behaviors that I did back in my using days that in coming into recovery seemed to have gone into remission. Yet, due to the fact that I have what I’m told is an incurable disease called addiction, at times ( for what ever reason ) these old behaviors seem to crop back up and cause me harm as well as others. Where as that does not seem to be the case in "new" learned behaviors that aren’t harming myself or others.

I know that all through our NA literature in the steps and the stories it talks about the danger of this happening to us. And it talks about it many times over. And that my solution is to continue to own it and pray about them and make my amends when needed for it. It tells me I will have to seek humility or be humiliated.

I think about an old story I use to read where there was this dragon that slept for a thousand years and then one day was woken up only to still be this fire breathing , village destroying, ransacking dragon it had been for the peoples ancestors. You know when I get caught off guard or am overly stressed out or feel threatened by something or someone or I’m not paying attention to HALT, it seems I too have a sleeping dragon of one level or another awaken inside me. And the actions of my dragons have shown me that they do at times try to destroy all that gets in their way. And once again I am humbled to my knees and often find myself asking God and my fellow man to help me get back on the path of recovery. How truly blessed I am for the fellowship of NA, the program and a Higher Power to help me when my " old behaviors" awaken, and I am faced with looking at my dragons in my own eyes.

recieved in email from a recovering addict


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"I am lighthouse rather than lifeboat. I do not rescue, but instead help others to find their own way to shore, guiding them by my example"Modern Affirmation

And this above all, to thine own self be true. And it must follow as night the day, thou canst not be false to any man. -Shakespeare



janbear
Administrator



Age: 43
Joined: 02 Dec 2005
Posts: 3409


Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 3:43 pm Post subject:



I really like his share and it made alot of sense to me.


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