Weekly Recovery Meeting 11/29-12/6

[snugsnug]

Hey family, I want to welcome everyone to the "weekly recovery meeting" this weeks topic is from the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous.

Page 22, the last sentence of the Step One.

"It is not where we were that counts, but where we are going."

Hey I'm snug and I'm an addict. for me this just sums it all up. I have spent so much time beating myself up about my past, all the wicked things that I did to me and others. I know that I need to make amends to all those that I have harmed, and in time I will, except, when to do so would injure me or others. The hit is, where I am going. I want to be "Happy, Joyous and Free, and to get there I know what I have to do, make meetings, work some steps with my sponsor, and share what is going on in my life.

[dalin]

i hear you.
i can also go the other way to...avoidance of responsibility
the slogan says...
my responsibility is my ability to respond to what God puts in my life
so at times i can jump from one extreem to another
recovery is an active change in my ideas and attitudes
thanks for letting me share

[simplicity]

Ain't that the truth!!I 'm just scraping the top layer off of how powerless I am over my addiction, my past,people,places and things!!! I've just discovered about myself that I tend to disclose certain things to certain people when I'm unsure of the reaction I will get. For instance, I've come to a point in my recovery where clearing the wreckage of my past is having to claim bankruptcy and I've discovered that I'm reluctant to discuss this with my dad!! I don't want to see the look of disappointment on his face. Powerless how he reacts. I know this is my truth and the truth shall set me free. I'm so glad I ran across this spot. It's like a mini meeting for me as I haven't been able to get to as many as I used to. Thanks for letting me share what I need to.

[fibiray]

Hi there I am Fi and alcoholic. I can't speak in relation to drugs but can do so in relation to alcohol. I can so relate to sterling about betaing myself up over the past. Bill W speaks about having a genuine regret for past wrongs, but never guilt. I have found that while I don't regret my alcoholism because I am what I am, I do have some sincere regrets for harms done to others. On the other hand there are also those who were injured that I don'tfeel any responsibility towards as they too had their role. I take responsibility for my own stuff and that is it. It has been my experience that on the odd occasion I may run into someone that still harbours extreme resentment towards me but I think after nearly 18yrs of sobriety if they are still resentful then who really has the problem here. I have moved on from there and chaged a lot of behaviours and attitudes.I should not have to stand there and be brow beaten over something I may have said or done when I was a teenager or young adult, which is when my drinking took place. I know that god has forgiven me and I have forgiven myself. After all active alcoholism / addiction is the greatest betrayer of self. thanks for letting me share.

Fi
xxx

[flickchic]

Hi, I'm Felicity and I am an alcoholic and drug addict. And wow how things in my mind can change over a period of a couple of weeks; I am currently taking prescribed controlled drugs...opiate based and am finding myself in a space of what I would call "active addiction". Sad to share I feel that I am currently finding myself more in a head space of "where I was" and not so much of the "where I am going" at the moment.

The "where I am going" was pretty strongly forwards, at the mo I keep going up and down between suriving one day at a time and mentally beating myself up and having periods of very low self esteem each time I 'come down on the pain relief'....when I come down i get major sads if i find myself thinking about the kids.....it's like a loss and the pain I feel I can relate to the times I wan't to commit suicide....that sadness of 'leaving those I love behind'.....I haven't dwelt too much on the thoughts of this and in now way feel 'conciously suicidial', am just aware that these are the emotions I have been experiencing....so not sure what's happening there, maybe it's taking me back to times of guilt and not being emotioanlly available to the kids when I was active in my addicition....Generally nowadays I can look back at the past with some regrets, no guilt, however the regrets even i deal with as I know I have taken many positive steps to changing 'our future' and the relationships I have with the children are so much closer and far more loving and healthier than they used to be and I am usually able to stay focused on that and not live with the regrets.

i am aware that when I started coming down each time off the pain relief my 'sads' were with my own parents; they have not bothered to contact me since the op and I have been rather upset about that....there have been many times when they chose to not be available to me in the past during times of need, so guess that is reflecting me to my own times of sickness and not being availble to my children??

I am trying hard to 'keep my head above the water' so that I too can 'keep on going' forwards; which is where I want to go.....I enjoy being clean and sober, for I agree with Stirling;

I want to be "Happy, Joyous and Free, and to get there I know what I have to do, make meetings, work some steps with my sponsor, and share what is going on in my life.

Thank's for letting me share.

and thank's Stirling for opening the meetings Bless you

[janbear]

I am Jan, an alcoholic/addict. It is by the grace of God and the 12 step program that i am clean and sober today and for that i am truly grateful. My daily desire is to be happy, joyous, and free. I do my best to stay in today as much as possible. Like the book says, its not where we were that counts. Today i can clean up my past without living in it by working the steps of the program. I lived in my past way to long and i stayed miserable by not working the steps when i entered the program for a long time. When i live in the future i feel i am denying my self the joys of this day. I am learning to make clean and sober plans for the future but not live there. Thanks for letting me share

[CD BUCKBERRY]

Its not where we have been,its where we want to go in recovery.The pathway to a new way of life.

[kaistevens]

Thank you so much for reminding me snugsnug.

It's not where I have been, but where I am going.

I can get so caught up in morbid reflection. Telling myself I deserve to feel this way about myself. Like I am paying a debt by beating up on myself. Which is the opposite of true. When I am doing that, I am waisting "this moment" that God has had to work so hard to give me. I'm waisting this gift of another day on 'going backwards'.

Where am I going? I'm gonna have to put that one on my mirror.

Thanx snug.