Character Counts

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Mental Sunshine and Flowers 490.1
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Dave had to undergo painful throat surgery. Since he`s not a young man and makes his living as a professional speaker, the experience was frightening and traumatic.

He told me his surgeon was skilled and the hospital workers were competent, but the cold indifference of the parade of nurses and doctors who came in and out of his room was one of the most depressing, demoralizing, and dehumanizing experiences of his life.

They treated his disease rather than treating him as a person with a disease, often talking in front of him as if he were a dumb animal who couldn`t understand what they were saying. Although they were assigned to his care, they acted as if they didn`t care. Their behavior was outright toxic.

I can understand why medical practitioners keep an emotional distance from human suffering as a form of self-protection. And I understand how confronting difficult and demanding patients as well as pain, disease, and even death on a daily basis can form calluses around the heart. But when professional distance translates to disrespect, it`s a form of malpractice.

The job of medical professionals is not simply to cure disease but to care for the overall well-being of patients. They do their job best when they help patients get better and help them feel better.

What saved him, Dave said, wasn`t the pain-killing drugs but the attitude of a few nurses who uplifted his spirits by simple acts of human decency -- a smile, a kind word, a compassionate expression or tone -- that conveyed the message that they cared.

We have to love and admire those who can bring their hearts to their work, knowing that mental sunshine and flowers are powerful medicines.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

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Becoming an Effective Critic
After I spoke about the responsibility of employees to express concern when they spot inefficiency, illegality, or unethical conduct, a man charged the podium to set me straight. "You don`t know what you`re talking about," he said. "Everyone I`ve ever worked for cheated and cut corners. I confronted a boss and all it got me was fired."

He was instantly unlikable, and I realized it`s guys like that who give whistleblowers a bad name.

Being an effective critic isn`t easy. No one likes criticism, and even sincere people of good character can get defensive, especially when someone is being offensive toward them. It`s easy to discount or dismiss complaints and opinions of people who seem more interested in letting off steam and telling you how bad things are than in making them better.

If you want to improve the chances of making things better without damaging your career, here are a few suggestions:

• Be prepared. Ensure your facts are correct and you`re talking to the right person.

• Be respectful. Watch your tone. Be earnest but not self-righteous or accusatory. An opening like "You stupid, unethical scum" is not likely to be productive. Don`t raise your voice or make threats. Be willing to listen as well as talk.

• Be fair. Don`t assume bad motives of anyone.

• Be open to new facts and explanations. Don`t equate not agreeing with you as not listening, not caring, or being stupid.

• Be honest. Don`t exaggerate or omit important facts.

• Be focused and stick to the point.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

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What Do You Want to See More of and Less of?
Stephen Covey says, "Start with the end in mind." So when a company wants to launch an ethics initiative, the Josephson Institute uses a simple exercise: "Look at your organization today -- its managers, line employees, and customers -- and list behaviors and attitudes you`d like to see more of and less of."

We use the same basic exercise when a school is starting a character-development program. Once the desired outcomes are identified, it`s not that difficult to devise a strategic plan to achieve them.

This approach can also work with self-improvement. But instead of asking yourself what you want to see more of and less of in your own behavior, ask the people at home and at work to tell you what they want. Interestingly, whether we`re talking about a company, a school, or an individual, the lists are likely to be similar: more respect and kindness, less criticism and complaining. More honesty, less evasion, more accountability, less excuse-making.

Here`s another: If your family and coworkers were told they could choose only five words to describe you, what would you like them to be? What do you think they would say? To paraphrase Jack Nicholson, "Could you handle the truth?"

It takes character to engage in open-minded self-reflection and to acknowledge and address our flaws, but it takes even stronger character to commit to getting better. It`s like the old proverb: "If you want to know how to live your life, think about what you want people to say about you after you die -- and live backwards."

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

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Good Guys and Bad Guys
In the old cowboy movies you could tell the good guys from the bad by the color of their hats. Villains wore black; heroes wore white. It made things easy. Too easy.

I want to put black hats on all the people who discredit their professions and disgrace themselves and their families by acts of dishonesty or uncontrolled desire.

Unfortunately, the closer I look at athletes, school administrators, corporate executives, cops, politicians, and priests who continually fill the newspapers with scandal and fuel the bonfire of cynicism, the more obvious it becomes that most of them are a mixed bag of virtues and flaws -- not so different from you and me.

I point this out not to minimize or excuse their bad conduct, but to heighten awareness of how vulnerable we all are to moral blind spots. The best defense against the seductive dark side is a strong sense of integrity and a sleepless conscience.

Poet Edgar Guest put it this way:

I have to live with myself, and so,
I want to be fit for myself to know;
I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye.
I don`t want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I`ve done.

I don`t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am.
I don`t want to dress myself up in sham.

I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see.
I know what others may never know;
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.