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confused · 12-09-2006, 09:39 PM

A recent traumatic experiance has awakened some very scary feelings inside of me. Even though I new my father drank a lot when I was a child, I always felt my life was normal, and that the feelings I felt were normal. Most of the bad things from my childhood were safely tucked away somewhere in my mind, but when the woman I love told me she could no longer deal with me, these things came rushing to the surface.

I started searching for answers to how I felt and stumbled across this sight. I as I read some of the posts, I could see myself in many of the others. The more I researched on this subject the more I saw myself in a different light. I now know I need to take control of my life and try to right all the wrongs. Not sure how to do this.
Can anyone help me with where to begin?

confused · 12-11-2006, 08:41 AM

I think I was heading down the path of being a drinker several years ago, but somehow straightened myself out. Yes, things from my childhood came flooding to the surface, and I am struggling to understand them.
I do have a meeting with a counselor set up, and have been reading a book from Janet Woititz to try and help understand.
The woman I love says she wants to help make me feel better, but I feel like she is just rying to smooth things over until she can leave.

Thanks for your words of wisdom.......

*Prescott* · 12-11-2006, 09:12 AM

Hi Confused, Welcome to our group. Look forward to getting to know you better. Keep coming back. Your safe here to share whats really going on within you.

KellyGirl37 · 12-15-2006, 09:17 PM

Confused,
Thank you for sharing your story. Childhood trauma is very devasting as it is often repressed for so long that when it finally surfaces, it is much like a volcano erupting. There is something called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which may be what you are experiencing. People tend to have flashbacks, nightmares and sometimes hallucinations around the evenrt or events. The sensation that was explained to me is that you tend to feel like you are reliving the situation and as that happens, all the emotions-fear, anger, confusion surface with no direction. Some people will self-medicate with alcohol or drugs to take away the feelings. As you already know, that makes it that much worse.

I commend you on taking the steps to talk to a therapist. It is important to find someone you are comfortable with. Allow a relationship to develop. You don't have to discuss everything the first meeting but it is VERY key to be honest about what happened and how you feel. Sometimes that is difficult for a man but once you do, I sincerely believe "just getting it out", you will begin healing and you will find closure. You need to have your feelings validated and heard because they have been stuck inside for so long. Therapy is an awesome starting point. Also is educating yourself about what has happened. Surround yourself with positive things. Take time for you. I recommend also to keep track of your thoughts through a journal or chat and share them with your therapist. When an emotion strikes...think about why...what triggered it and most importantly, how did you react/cope with those feelings. One key is that thoughts come and go. It is ok to feel sad, angry whatever but it is how one behaves and acts on those feelings that can really do the damage.

I wish you luck and hope you will continue to check in. This place is a great forum to really process what is happening.

God Bless...
Kelly

Doraine · 12-16-2006, 11:14 AM

It's nice to meet you. I've been in therapy for years. I was raised by two abusive alcoholics who knew nothing about parenting. I too relived traumas I experienced. It's taken some time but I'm doing well today. It's good you're starting therapy. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.

confused · 12-17-2006, 01:09 PM

Thanks for all your support. I did see a counselor but am not sure he is the right one. He didn't seem to think there was much I could do about my past, and that we all had issues growing up. There is another place close by that advertises that they deal with ACOA so i am thinking about going there.

Everyday seems to be a struggle as I try and figure out who I am. Even though I have friends and family, I feel I cannot talk to them about this right now. I still feel bad and ashamed. The woman I am living with wants to understand, but gets frustrated when I tell her i don't understand myself. She doesn't think that all my probelms can be attributed to this issue, and that I need to take some balme myself.

flickchic · 12-17-2006, 11:50 PM

Hi Confused and Welcome....

NO:"not take blame", we are not to blame for what happened to us as children, we are however 'responsible' for how we live today!!!!....it is up to us take responsibility for our actions and behaviours, attitudes etc "today".....

First things first and "Easy does it"!!!!!.....childhood trauma is that; trauma and "what was done to us" cannot be undone in one day, one week, one month.....'baby steps'.....

Yes, if you do not "feel" that counsellor is right for you, then move on and 'try' another....in my experience over many years of trying to work through c/hood issues and all that followed, we do not gain a lot by spending time with counsellors that do not affirm our past and those that we have any form of discomfort with....

Quote:

There is another place close by that advertises that they deal with ACOA so i am thinking about going there.

YES!!!!!!!

you will find one your'e ok with, sometimes it does take time, others, it happens quite easily, please, i ask of you; "do not give up"......that you are here and are wanting to get couselling is wonderful!!!!......it is a big step, takes a lot of strength and courage.....so "Hang in there"!!!!, for it truly is so worth the efforts and trust me; IT DOES GET BETTER!!!!!!!

12-09-2006, 09:39 PM	#1
confused Newcomer Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 3	New here A recent traumatic experiance has awakened some very scary feelings inside of me. Even though I new my father drank a lot when I was a child, I always felt my life was normal, and that the feelings I felt were normal. Most of the bad things from my childhood were safely tucked away somewhere in my mind, but when the woman I love told me she could no longer deal with me, these things came rushing to the surface. I started searching for answers to how I felt and stumbled across this sight. I as I read some of the posts, I could see myself in many of the others. The more I researched on this subject the more I saw myself in a different light. I now know I need to take control of my life and try to right all the wrongs. Not sure how to do this. Can anyone help me with where to begin?

12-11-2006, 09:12 AM	#3
Prescott Moderator Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Prescott AZ Posts: 3,196	Hi Confused, Welcome to our group. Look forward to getting to know you better. Keep coming back. Your safe here to share whats really going on within you. __________________ "Keep it simple" Love in recovery...John

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12-11-2006, 08:41 AM	#2
confused Newcomer Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 3	I think I was heading down the path of being a drinker several years ago, but somehow straightened myself out. Yes, things from my childhood came flooding to the surface, and I am struggling to understand them. I do have a meeting with a counselor set up, and have been reading a book from Janet Woititz to try and help understand. The woman I love says she wants to help make me feel better, but I feel like she is just rying to smooth things over until she can leave. Thanks for your words of wisdom.......

12-15-2006, 09:17 PM	#4
KellyGirl37 Newcomer Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Maryland Posts: 3	Confused, Thank you for sharing your story. Childhood trauma is very devasting as it is often repressed for so long that when it finally surfaces, it is much like a volcano erupting. There is something called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which may be what you are experiencing. People tend to have flashbacks, nightmares and sometimes hallucinations around the evenrt or events. The sensation that was explained to me is that you tend to feel like you are reliving the situation and as that happens, all the emotions-fear, anger, confusion surface with no direction. Some people will self-medicate with alcohol or drugs to take away the feelings. As you already know, that makes it that much worse. I commend you on taking the steps to talk to a therapist. It is important to find someone you are comfortable with. Allow a relationship to develop. You don't have to discuss everything the first meeting but it is VERY key to be honest about what happened and how you feel. Sometimes that is difficult for a man but once you do, I sincerely believe "just getting it out", you will begin healing and you will find closure. You need to have your feelings validated and heard because they have been stuck inside for so long. Therapy is an awesome starting point. Also is educating yourself about what has happened. Surround yourself with positive things. Take time for you. I recommend also to keep track of your thoughts through a journal or chat and share them with your therapist. When an emotion strikes...think about why...what triggered it and most importantly, how did you react/cope with those feelings. One key is that thoughts come and go. It is ok to feel sad, angry whatever but it is how one behaves and acts on those feelings that can really do the damage. I wish you luck and hope you will continue to check in. This place is a great forum to really process what is happening. God Bless... Kelly

12-16-2006, 11:14 AM	#5
Doraine Trusted Servant Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Lansford, PA Posts: 1,308	It's nice to meet you. I've been in therapy for years. I was raised by two abusive alcoholics who knew nothing about parenting. I too relived traumas I experienced. It's taken some time but I'm doing well today. It's good you're starting therapy. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.

12-17-2006, 01:09 PM	#6
confused Newcomer Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 3	Thanks for all your support. I did see a counselor but am not sure he is the right one. He didn't seem to think there was much I could do about my past, and that we all had issues growing up. There is another place close by that advertises that they deal with ACOA so i am thinking about going there. Everyday seems to be a struggle as I try and figure out who I am. Even though I have friends and family, I feel I cannot talk to them about this right now. I still feel bad and ashamed. The woman I am living with wants to understand, but gets frustrated when I tell her i don't understand myself. She doesn't think that all my probelms can be attributed to this issue, and that I need to take some balme myself.