About Gam-Anon

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About Gam-Anon

The self-help organization of Gam-Anon is a life saving instrument for the spouse, family or close friends of compulsive gamblers. We come into the group feeling alone, frightened, helpless, desperate and ashamed. We hesitated to share problems and failures, fearing none could understand. The Gam-Anon group is warmly accepting and it offers the new member identification. The message we receive is: "Come join with us, we too were alone, afraid and unable to cope with the problem; we will share with you a new and fulfilling way of life". Gam-Anon's purposes are three-fold: To learn acceptance and understanding of the gambling illness; to use the program and its problem solving suggestions as aids in rebuilding our lives and, upon our own recovery, to give assistance to those who suffer.

In Gam-Anon the member will experience relief from anxiety by accepting the fact of powerlessness over the problem in the family. The heavy load of responsibility for the gambling problem is lifted and the agonizing guilt in regard to failures is gradually alleviated. The energy wasted in attempts to stop loved ones from gambling can be channeled into more useful methods of problem solving.

The program suggests that we refuse to be responsible for the gambler's behavior, assuming responsibility only for that which is ours. The prevailing idea is, "The gambler will play as long as someone else will pay."

In Gam-Anon we learn the appropriate way of relating to the gambler as an equal rather than as a "mother." This involves the process known as "letting go" or giving up the control. To be an adult is to give warmth and love in an equal role with the gambler.

It is important to recovery that the member see compulsive gambling in its true light, as an emotional illness. At this point, we will understand that obsessive compulsive behavior, acting out and game playing are symptoms of a serious illness. Although we may have been a pawn in game playing, our hurt was a side effect of this illness, not deliberately intended. After years of accumulated hurtful experiences it will be difficult for us to give up anger and resentment. The recovery program of Gam-Anon offers help in working through and in resolving these feelings.

If the gambler and member seek help jointly the recovery process will be enhanced. But even then, there is much for us to learn. We will need to be aware that the gambler's recovery cannot be hurried. It is important that we encourage the gambler, but we must refrain from pushing. Our expectations of the gamblers should be limited to their ability to respond. Although it proves to be their Waterloo, gambling is their "first love", to give it up will be a tremendous undertaking. They may at times be irritable, unreasonable and difficult to understand. It will be necessary that the gambler expend time and effort in the struggle to stop gambling. This may include many nights away from families as the gamblers attend group meetings according to their needs. Our understanding is required and it should be explained to the children because they, too, will need to understand.

The members who come to Gam-Anon and remain to find help for themselves regardless of the gamblers' refusal to respond, are greatly to be admired. Their role is one of extreme difficulty. The gamblers may resent Gam-Anon attendance and may see it as an attempt to interfere with their lives. Hopefully the gambler will be motivated to seek help, but recovery should not depend upon the gambler.

Young people who become addicted may suffer the same character changes and consequences that mark older compulsive gamblers. Some become deceitful and resort to stealing money; some obtain money under false pretenses from family and friends; some may withdraw from family life, developing an obstinate sullenness; and some may isolate from close friends only to befriend new acquaintances who share their "new interests." The lives of family members are affected and disrupted by these changes in behavior. Distraught parents may disagree as to how to deal with these financial and emotional problems.

As the gambling escalates, so does the indebtedness. Desperate gamblers often need increasing amounts of money to finance their addiction. Some parents have mortgaged their homes or sacrificed their life savings to rescue their child. Unfortunately, any financial rescue enables the gambler to continue gambling and eliminates the motivation to change.

More and more parents of gamblers come to Gam-Anon to understand the problem and help their child. Members support and help each other by sharing their experiences, wisdom and strength. At weekly meetings, parents educate themselves and learn new and appropriate methods of dealing with the gambler. In the process, they learn a better way of life for themselves.
http://www.gam-anon.org/gamanon/about.htm

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Our Purpose

PURPOSE:

We are here to assist you in resolving the problems you are facing in your life due to the gambling problem.

INFORMATION:

We have various sources of literature available to you which can be helpful in your quest for information about the compulsive gambling illness and how to cope with the various crises that come up due to the gambling syndrome.

INTENTION:

Gam-Anon is dedicated to the creation and preservation of serenity in our lives.

What this means to you is that the Gam-Anon meeting is designed to be a safe place to bring your current situation. You can put it on the table, look at it, cry about it, laugh about it, be angry at it, or whatever you are wanting to do with it.

Hopefully, by the end of the meeting you have been able to unburden yourself of the problem for a short while and be able to go home and face your situation with a new perspective.

None of our members are here to give you specific advice which you should take as gospel. And we cannot dilute our principles to a point where we perform as marriage counselors, psychologists, members of the clergy, vocational guidance specialists or as a representative of the legal profession. We are here as we have a common denominator in our lives: we are in relationships with compulsive gamblers.

Because of this common denominator, we are more readily able to understand your problems than your family, friends, counselor, or advisor. We can listen to your problems with an empathetic, not a sympathetic or critical ear. You can rest assured that no one in our meeting will tell you that what you are doing is bad. We will only offer our experience in similar matters, giving you a new approach to consider in your situation.

Our goal in the Gam-Anon meeting is to provide new insight into what can be a devastating problem in many people's lives. With the guidelines of the Gam-Anon program we can provide a wealth of information about practical safeguards you can choose to take when first coming into the program.

Above all, remember that all people change. The problems that you are facing today will be different tomorrow, next month, next year. Try to put matters in perspective for today, Don't feel compelled to make decisions that are forever; rather, make choices for today. Choices are always open for review and change.

In all things, remember that Gam-Anon is your support system. No one can make it work for you but you. We can only be there to support you when you reach out for us.
http://www.gam-anon.org/gamanon/purpose.htm

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Questions, Answers & Suggestions

WHAT IS GAM-ANON?

Gam-Anon is a fellowship of men and women who have been affected by the gambling problem. It is founded on spiritual principles.

WHY DO WE HAVE GAM-ANON?

Men and women who have been affected by the gambling problem have found living with the gambling problem to be a devastating experience.

WHAT DO WE ACCOMPLISH IN GAM-ANON?

We attempt to find the answers to such questions as:

1. What is my role as the spouse (parent, loved one) of a compulsive gambler?
2. How can I be of the greatest help to the person who joins Gamblers Anonymous?
3. If my gambler continues to gamble, how can I live with this problem?
4. How can I learn to accept and understand God's will for me?

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN FINDING THE ANSWER TO QUESTIONS SUCH AS THESE - GAM-ANON IS FOR YOU!

SUGGESTIONS FOR THE NEWCOMER

1. Accept and learn to live with the fact that compulsive gambling is an illness..

2. To question or interrogate the gambler will serve no purpose. You are powerless over this situation. If the gambler has something the gambler wishes to hide, the truth cannot be forced from the gambler. Why try?

3. To nag your gambler about past losses or to talk of what might have been if the gambler hadn't gambled will prove to be detrimental to the gambler's recovery as well as yours.

4. The past is gone and you will not find peace of mind until you can accept it without resentment.

5. The gambler, not you, should be responsible for calling the gambler's creditors to make restitution. Don't take this responsibility from the gambler.

6. Experience has taught us that it is not helpful to borrow monies or co-sign notes to cover gambling debts, while the gambler is gambling or when the gambler comes into Gamblers Anonymous.

7. It is not recommended that the spouse go to work specifically to cover gambling debts.

8. Prudence tells us that compulsive gamblers are seldom able to handle family finances. Perhaps this condition will be altered as the gambler progresses toward recovery.

9. Discourage friends and relatives from lending the gambler money.

10. Gamblers Anonymous is a program for the compulsive gambler. Loved ones should not interfere.

11. It may be well to encourage the gambler to go to the first few meetings, however, after this the Gamblers Anonymous activities must be left to the gambler. To force the gambler to attend meetings is very apt to do more harm than good.

12. The gambler's gambling debts were not incurred over a short period of time, therefore don't be discouraged if the gambler finds it necessary to pay back small amounts of monies over an extended period. Normal family expenses must come first.

13. Recovery is a very slow process for the gambler. Give the gambler your encouragement and have faith.

14. Do take an honest inventory of YOUR character defects and work on them.

15. Come to Gam-Anon even though your gambler may continue to gamble. We understand your problem and if you have an honest desire we can help you through our program.
http://www.gam-anon.org/gamanon/qas.htm

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Did You Grow Up With
A Compulsive Gambler?

Compulsive gambling is a symptom of an emotional illness, characterized by low self-esteem, immaturity, instability and obsessive behavior. Because compulsive gambling is an insidious and baffling illness, some adults have difficulty deciding if they were affected by compulsive gambling during childhood. The following questions may help you to determine whether compulsive gambling affected your childhood or present life.

1. Do you obsess about money?

2. Did family activities revolve around gambling events? (sports, cards, lottery, racetracks, etc.)

3. Have you ever been missing money?

4. Have you ever paid or been asked to pay a parent's debts?

5. Do your parents often argue about money?

6. Were you forced to form an alliance with one parent against another?

7. Did you parents use you as a sounding board for their marriage?

8. Are you afraid to be alone with the gambling parent?

9. Do you feel anxious when the phone rings, mail comes or doorbell rings?

10. Do you feel responsible for the unhappiness in your home?

11. Do you confuse pity with love?

12. Have you had problems with your own compulsive behavior?

13. Do you feel more like the parent than the child?

14. Are you unable to remember all or parts of your childhood?

15. Do you care for others easily, but find it difficult to care for yourself?

16. Do you find it difficult to identify and express your feelings?

17. Do you have trouble with intimate relationships?

18. Do you lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth?

19. Do you feel more alive in the midst of a crisis?

20. Do you think more money would solve your problems?

If you answered yes to some or all of these questions, Gam-Anon may be for you. Gam-anon is a fellowship for families, relatives and close friends who live and have lived with the gambling problem. We would like you to feel that we understand as perhaps few can and that Gam-Anon can offer you a new way of life.
http://www.gam-anon.org/gamanon/living.htm#grow

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Are You Living With
A Compulsive Gambler?

If there is a gambling problem in your home, the Gam-Anon family group may be able to help you cope with it. If you are living with a compulsive gambler, you will answer "YES" to at least six of the following questions.

1. Do you find yourself constantly bothered by bill collectors?

2. Is the person in question often away from home for long, unexplained periods of time?

3. Does this person ever lose time from work due to gambling?

4. Do you feel that this person cannot be trusted with money?

5. Does the person in question faithfully promise that he or she will stop gambling; beg, plead for another chance, yet gamble again and again?

6. Does this person ever gamble longer than he or she intended to, until the last dollar is gone?

7. Does this person immediately return to gambling to try to recover losses, or to win more?

8. Does this person ever gamble to get money to solve financial difficulties or have unrealistic expectations that gambling will bring the family material comfort and wealth?

9. Does this person borrow money to gamble with or to pay gambling debts?

10. Has this person's reputation ever suffered due to gambling, even to the extent of committing illegal acts to finance gambling?

11. Have you come to the point of hiding money needed for living expenses, knowing that you and the rest of the family may go without food and clothing if you do not?

12. Do you search this person's clothing or go through his or her wallet when the opportunity presents itself, or otherwise check on his/her activities?

13. Does the person in question hide his or her money?

14. Have you noticed a personality change in the gambler as his or her gambling progresses?

15. Does the person in question consistently lie to cover up or deny his or her gambling activities?

16. Does this person use guilt induction as a method of shifting responsibilities for his or her gambling upon you?

17. Do you attempt to anticipate this person's moods, or try to control his or her life?

18. Does this person ever suffer from remorse or depression due to gambling, sometimes to the point of self-destruction?

19. Has the gambling ever brought you to the point of threatening to break up the family unit?

20. Do you feel that your life together is a nightmare?

What is Gam-Anon? Gam-Anon is a fellowship of men and women who are husbands, wives, relatives and close friends of compulsive gamblers. You need not wait for the compulsive gambler to seek help before coming to Gam-Anon.

In Gam-Anon we learn effective ways of coping with the gambling problem. By seeking help for ourselves and gaining serenity and peace of mind, we find that we are better able to cope with our problems on a day-to-day basis and in some cases motivate the gambler toward seeking help for him or herself.
http://www.gam-anon.org/gamanon/living.htm

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Meeting Schedule
http://www.gam-anon.org/gamanon/meeting.cfm

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Literature
http://www.gam-anon.org/gamanon/lit_summary.htm