Spiritual Disease of Alcoholism

[admin]

Spiritual Disease of Alcoholism
(Transcribed from a talk given by Wayne B.)

"Silkworth says I have a condition known as "alcoholism". I have a soul sickness, I have a sickness of my spirit"

"On page XXIV Silkworth says through Bill Wilson that I am "maladjusted to life, In full flight from reality and an outright mental defective." (That was my hope for the future.)"

Now you might wonder how that "ism" manifests in me as a child of God?
When I tell you I'm an alcoholic who suffers from alcoholism, according to Silkworth, Dr. Harry Tebou, Rev. Sam Shoemaker and Fr. Ed Dowling, here is what that means to me. When I tell you I'm an alcoholic, what I'm really suggesting is that I realize I look to you right now like a full grown mature adult man. In reality, I remain childish, grandiose and gravely, emotionally immature. As a going human concern my natural state is one of growing anxiety, depression and fear, coupled with an intense desire for EXCITEMENT. A condition of being which is complicated with and exacerbated by an obsessive, compulsive, impulsive, excessive, controlling, demanding need ..for attention, acceptance, and unqualified approval. A condition of being which renders me restless, irritable and discontent with life.

Now you might wonder how the restless, irritable discontented self affects my mental, emotional nature? Mentally my thought life is governed by 100 forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking and self pity, all of which drive me to live my life according to selfish, dishonest, self seeking, and considerate resentful and frightened motives in life. Motives if left unattended in me, arouse and engage dangerous and life threatening, and I said Life Threatening, levels of lust, pride, anger, envy, greed, sloth, gluttony, I turn into a pig, I WANT IT ALL. And that renders me ..emotionally a bit sensitive. Which means I have a strong tendency to take anything I see or hear, personal. I don't like criticism, and I can't stand praise simply because I don't believe you.

When it comes to suffering emotionally, I don't like to suffer emotionally, I don't suffer well, and I don't suffer ALONE.

Socially, I'm a bankrupt idealist, and brooding perfectionist who lives defensively and guarded in fear of being found out. As such I tend to rationalize, minimize, justify, and deny all my actions while casting blame upon innocent people in a vigorous attempt to avoid detection.

Regarding my fellow man and woman, I demand (and I said DEMAND) the absolute attention and control..of everybody. My response to you is I'm quick to anger, slow to virtue and I get a distinct, succinct delight and twisted pleasure out of criticizing and judging everybody I see. My outstanding characteristic is defiance, and rebellion dogs my every step.

Now as a child of God, that's a catalogue of my finer qualities. Anybody want a date? Oh my God...You might laugh at those symptoms, that means identification. They leave me with a condition known as "alcoholism" and here's how they appear in real life. I don't fit in, I don't belong, I'm not a part of and I always wonder what is wrong with me.

When I drink alcohol, ethyl hydroxide, that creates an abnormal illusionary effect in my mind of pending, seaming, normalcy. And if I ever drink again it's gonna be because I feel different, I don't fit in, I don't belong. So it's incredibly important that I stay here in the center of Alcoholics Anonymous and do that which I know will keep me in good stead with you."

[admin]

"A Spiritual Disease"

A famous and learned professor once went to visit a Zen master to argue about Zen. The Zen master offered tea and continued pouring into the professor's cup until it was overflowing. He continued pouring and pouring. The professor protested, thinking his host a madman and saying the teacup was too full to hold any more. "You are like this cup," the Zen master told his guest. "too full of your own opinions to receive anything else." So it was with us. We were too full of suffering and pain to receive anything else. Our disease just kept pouring it on, until one day we heard our true nature, like a Zen master; and emptied the cup of ourselves. In that moment of awe-full emptiness, we became fulfilled.

Only in this state of emptiness, which is nothing other than our original nature, can we receive. Only by continually emptying the teacup of limited selfhood can we remain free of our disease and denial, and experience life as it really is. Fill the cup with yourself and your opinions and nothing else can be tasted. Empty it and all life will come begging to be poured.

For us, there can he no in between, no middle way when it comes to our disease. We either pick up or put down. We do or we don't. If we become active, chances are good that we'll die. While those around us may not understand or even like our either/or behavior, it must remain the bedrock of our lives. Either full of self-destruction or empty of expectations. The choice was never really ours to make. Our diseases took away our choices. I doubt many, if any of us would have chosen to become alcoholics, addicts and compulsive people, but that's like crying over spilled tea, isn't it?

We must recover as spiritual beings or never truly recover at all, for ours is primarily a spiritual disease. This disease afflicts all beings and no one is immune from it. Most don't even know they're suffering, but we, as people in recovery, have been made aware of it in life-threatening terms. Either wake up or die. We are fortunate enough to have a particular medicine for our disease and will recover if we follow instructions. Perhaps we'll even recover enough to see that althought we keep pouring the spiritual into our teacup, it will always be empty---must always be empty--- and that there's no need to attempt to fill it with anything else.

---from The Zen of Recovery by Mel Ash, page 182-183

[mellotripp]

I can truly relate to the tea cup of the Master. As Humility comes into our lives with our very first admission of our problem. As it grows we actually become less and less, to if ever be flaunted in any human way, become a true hypocrisy

[Coffeebeing]

I've been absolutely loving that book, The Zen of Recovery, that I just picked up a little while ago. It's great to see this excerpt here!

[nicorama]

"I dont suffer well, I dont suffer alone"
Well put.
Its always nice to find new places where we dont have to.

[perfesser]

I have read "Zen" twice, and I feel I need to read it again. There is so much in there that inspires me and helps me in my recovery.